Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Where Are Your Manners?

First of all, the big news: The cookies from the temple thing are from Little Dutch Boy Bakeries in Draper. My mom works at the Church Office Building so she has all the really important information. Like, for example, they served a total of 750,000 cookies and 670,000 bottles of water. They brought the water in on 17 semi-truck loads. At first they ordered 72,000 cookies and found that they only lasted 2 days. Probably because freakin' hogs like me ate SIX!!!

OK, on with the post. I worked last night so guess what? Another fun-filled waitressing story!
This family comes in. A mom with her six kids (Utah, remember?), the youngest being Harley's age (ten months) and the oldest I'd say about 15. First thing, as they're walking to their table one of the younger boys (probably 8-ish) takes the peg out of the middle of one of the wagon wheels hanging on the wall and sticks it in his pocket. So I take their orders. Mom: special. Daughter: ribs. Younger daughter: grilled cheese sand (with the help of her older sister, who was really cute and sweet to her siblings. Really.). Kid who ripped off the peg: In the most annoying, obnoxious, dufuss voice he proceeds to tell his mom he'll order for himself. He then orders chicken nuggets with fries. I tell him he can also have corn on the cob or applesauce. Silence. More silence.
"Buddy? Do you want applesauce or corn?"
FINALLY: corn. (In his same ridiculous voice)
OK, moving on. Next kid: special. Next kid: sandwich.
So I move on to the next table and while I'm talking to them this woman is yelling for me. "Amber?! Amber?!" Dude, seriously? I'm helping someone else! So the manager takes care of her.
After a few minutes I go up to the mom and say kind of quietly, "Um, I don't want there to be weirdness but my manager said that your little guy in the corner there, took one of the pegs out of the wagon wheel and put it in his pocket." And then I walked away. I didn't want to be there for the interrogation. But I hear the kid denying it. When I came back, she said she had frisked the kid and it was not on his person. He said that he took it out of one wheel and stuck it in the other wheel. I don't have any idea if there was one missing out of the other one or not. Even if I did, I'm not about to call him out on it. So I say, "ok, sounds good."
Well the special was an all you can eat situation. So the kid orders a "refill" on his and when I bring them to him he's still got his plate in front of him with his applesauce and corn on the cob sitting on it; both about half eaten. I say, "are you done with this plate or are you still working on those?" Silence. Then he, and I'm not making this up, proceeds to "draw" a circle shape with his two hands. Starting at the bottom of the circle and going up and meeting at the top with his fingers.
Me: Standing there with the plate of ribs.
Then he "draws" a square in the air with his hands.
Me: Standing there with the plate of ribs. Then I look at the mom with a "wtf?" kind of look on my face.
Mom: Finally comes out of her coma, says, "Say something."
Kid: "Yes."
Really? "YES WHAT???? You're done with your plate or you're still working on it?"
Kid: "Done with it."
See, I have kids. They don't scare me. I don't play into their games. Nor was I about to let his mom think I thought he was cute or clever. So I go to take his first plate away and he grabs the corn off of it.
Well, after a while the younger kids start to get restless and the older two kids have to take them out (not a minute too soon). So the mom asks for her check so they can leave. YOU. BET.
She gave me a $12 tip! But I tell you what, with the mess I had to clean up when they left, I earned every single cent of it!
Seriously, if my kids behaved like that, they would never see the inside of a restaurant again. Ever.
So then at like, 8:40 (we close at 9) these two women come in. Very pretty. Nicely dressed. Friendly. Craving corn on the cob. They order the all you can eat special, too. After they've had their food for a few minutes, they ask what time we close. And I kept checking to see if they wanted a "refill" on their ribs, yet. "No, no." They tell me. The cooks are wanting to shut the kitchen down. It's pretty much closing time. Then at 9:05 they order their refill. Are you kidding me? The grill was already shut down so the cooks had to turn it back up. Then they proceeded to stay til freaking 9:30!!! I had joked with them when they asked what time we close that if they stayed too long , I'd just have them vacuum.
So when they continue to not leave I started to vacuum. Maybe it's just me but when the freakin' vacuum comes out that's usually my cue to RUN ALONG! Nope, not these women.
Finally they left. And they left their damn $2 tip, too. Isn't that just rude? To stay on and on? Clearly, we're closed. We're wanting to go home. I just think it's really bad manners.
All in all, it was a pretty good night, though. I made $55! And I still LOVE waiting tables!


DeNae said...

OK, bad-mouthing of parents follows. All who read this comment, please know I understand all about agency and you knowing your kids better than anyone and all that jazz, but...

...let it be known to all and sundry, that, without exception, your kids are nowhere NEAR as cute as you think they are. And the older they get, I'm so very sorry to tell you, the less tolerable their little cutenesses become.

Please be the one in their lives that prepares them to mingle with others of their species. If you leave it to the "village", they'll have his head on a stake and he'll be simmering away in the community pot by his 13th birthday.

And I'm pretty sure those two women were rear-ended on their way home. Both suffered whiplash, but in an unfortunate chart-reading mistake, they each had one leg sawed off in the emergency room.

Feel better?

DeNae said...

p.s. If I tell you I love you with all my heart, can I also now observe that if these damnable shamrocks aren't off your blog my midnight I'll toss you into that community pot myself??

I'm old and blind. They complicate my blog reading enjoyment!!

(and don't the rest of you go defending Amber here. I'm her big sister and I can say whatever I friggin' well want to because it's a constitutionally protected right specifically guaranteed to big sisters but nobody else!!)

AS Amber said...

A ha ha ha!!! Yes, those damn shamrocks will be gone by midnight. They'll be replaced by Easter eggs.
And thank you for saying that about the kids. It's so true! I've had to tell Avery that she needs to go play instead of cling to the recess lady because grown-ups need some time away from kids and kids that hang around all the time are kind of annoying. I tell her straight up when she's being obnoxious. She gets a little clingy.

Bestie said...

So I am not a blogger, but I find Amber to be the funniest person I know! I want to make sure everyone knows that this diet Amber has been on has hurt me more than it has hurt her! I have suffered dearly by not having my fun go with whatever friend being able to eat with me. I will be the first person she goes to Cafe Rio with too! I nearly starved to death on Saturday when we were together. My guts were literally eating themselves!

DeNae said...

Nooooo!!! No easter eggs!!!! Just blank space! Just blank space! In the name of all that is sacred and holy!!

Although easter eggs would be kinda cute and springy...

veronica said...

Thank you for the info on the cookies! As soon as I polish of my stash of girl scout cookies, I'm all over it!

And Amber, I don't know how you do the waitressing thing! I would have smacked that kid up side the head!

PS I like your sister. She is hilarious!

Kristina P. said...

I love that you found out the cookies.

And I do plan to visit you someday at work, and make sure that I order my refill at 9:15.

SO said...

Gah. This is one reason I don't think I could wait tables. I just don't think I could hold it together.

And I agree totally with DeNae.

And last but not least. Stoopid ladies and their $2 tip!

Melissa said...

You are a better woman than I, and AMEN to what DeNae said. Folks, hate to break it to you, your kids just aren't as cute, smart, athletic, (insert whatever here) as you THINK they are.

And a $2.00 tip is just disgraceful.

Any word on how many calories those cookies at the open house had by chance??

Vanessa said...

SIX COOKIES??????? Holy CRAP! J/k, I probably would have eaten the same amount. I'm glad my tithing went to your cookie ingestion.

I HEART YOU! You are the funniest person I know...and I would have punched that punk a** out.

Ps, you look skinny. Am I the new BFF?

Casey said...

I'm glad you found out what kind of cookies they were. Maybe once the mystery is gone, you'll want them less and it'll be better for your diet.

Sorry about the ahole kids. I encountered my share when I was waiting tables. Now, I do everything in my power to make sure my kids don't turn out like that. At least the mom gave you a decent tip. The other two ladies sounded familiar too. Let me guess, they drank water with lemon? The worst is when people don't get off their phone or look you in the eye when the order. Grr.

DeNae said...

Aaaaaahh...now that's a pretty blog!

GreenJello said...

I will not remember the name of that bakery... I will not remember the name of that bakery... I will not remember the name of that bakery...


Anonymous said...

$12 is a great tip! $2 is not.

Maybe those ladies need a timer on their table next time.

wendy said...

Holy crapola what a funny story. At the part with the "wtf" look on your face I about fell off my chair laughing. Amber that is sooooo funny. I love the "realness" of you. I think I spend most of my life with a "wtf" look on my face and on my lips.

Martins said...

You are hilarious!

tiburon said...

WOO HOO for $55!!

You are working it :)