Dear couple with the really cute little boy who was seated at my table tonight,
Apparently, the new manager wasn't aware of the "Amber doesn't do tables with kids" rule. So unfortunately (for me) you were seated in my section. Perhaps this was your first experience in an eating establishment that didn't start with "Mc". Or perhaps you are just extremely lame. Either way, allow me to thank you for letting your child throw his french fries and napkin and straw and chewed up chicken and wet nap and crayons all over the floor. Without your complete lack of give-a-damn-ness I, your waitress, would not have had the opportunity to get on all fours and do something I don't even do in my own home. Thank you for giving me such a humbling experience. And thank you for your $3.18 tip. It was so worth it to hold your child's ABC chicken in my hand.
And to the party of six who took home the copy of your credit card receipt that you sign and LEAVE MY TIP ON and left me YOUR copy, the blank one, the one that you neither signed nor left my tip on: you guys suck.
All my love,
(Tonight was my first night back to work waiting tables. Can you tell? Other than those 2 tables it was a pretty good night. Made $40 in 3.5 hrs so that's not bad. And speakin of 3.5...I've lost 3.5 pounds on my starvation diet! YAY!!!)