Thursday, March 5, 2009

My Name's Amber. I'll Be Cleaning Up After You Tonight

Dear couple with the really cute little boy who was seated at my table tonight,

Apparently, the new manager wasn't aware of the "Amber doesn't do tables with kids" rule. So unfortunately (for me) you were seated in my section. Perhaps this was your first experience in an eating establishment that didn't start with "Mc". Or perhaps you are just extremely lame. Either way, allow me to thank you for letting your child throw his french fries and napkin and straw and chewed up chicken and wet nap and crayons all over the floor. Without your complete lack of give-a-damn-ness I, your waitress, would not have had the opportunity to get on all fours and do something I don't even do in my own home. Thank you for giving me such a humbling experience. And thank you for your $3.18 tip. It was so worth it to hold your child's ABC chicken in my hand.
And to the party of six who took home the copy of your credit card receipt that you sign and LEAVE MY TIP ON and left me YOUR copy, the blank one, the one that you neither signed nor left my tip on: you guys suck.
All my love,
Amber
(Tonight was my first night back to work waiting tables. Can you tell? Other than those 2 tables it was a pretty good night. Made $40 in 3.5 hrs so that's not bad. And speakin of 3.5...I've lost 3.5 pounds on my starvation diet! YAY!!!)

14 comments:

So said...

I don't know if I could be a waitress. Sorry about the two sucky tables and I hope your manager gets the "no kid tables" memo soon.

DeNae said...

People, as you well know, suck.

I can't believe you went to work at a RESTAURANT the week you started your "eat nothing but air" diet! Ay caramba, Homer!

(congrats on the 3.5, though! That's like 14 sticks of butter!! Gone!!)

Vanessa said...

I will now clean up after my kids better and it will look nicer then it was when we got there.

Michael, Dlaina & Ethan Lindsay said...

YAY back to stupid people and crapy tips isn't that the best! You think that people would at least tip you decent if you kid is a TERROR! Ya win some ya loss some! 40 bucks isn't bad though nice work! I will for sure have to come visit you, nice work on the diet you are crazy to go back to work with yummy fattening food and you CAN'T eat in ahhh...

GreenJello said...

Working in a restaurant while on a diet? Eek! It was bad enough coming home last night to my teenager pulling out a freshly baked sheet of chocolate chip cookies... torture!

Martins said...

Don't worry, it wasn't me.. I'm pretty good about picking up after the monsters!!! (but we don't let them make a super bad mess... some people! )

Melissa said...

People suck, but yeah for you and 3.5 Keep us posted!

Kristina P. said...

Can you give out the name of the restaurant you work in? So I come come and stare and mock you, of course.

wendy said...

YAY - for 3.5 lbs. I am dancing on my work desk for ya!! (they love it when I do that here) You are brave to wait tables -I'd be a disaster at it and I think my customer service skills would be sorely tested. I remember while married to my first husband HE NEVER WOULD TIP, never! But this hubby (sounds like I have a collection) is a GREAT tipper. But I'm glad you had a good night overall. Save that $$ for the new cloths you'll need for your smoking hot bod you're working towards.

Ryan and Jacki Andrew said...

Yuck!!! I don't think I could do it. I don't like to clean up after my own kids.

Keep us posted on your diet. I have a couple of friends on the same diet and one that just finished and is happy to be back to eating again.

AS Amber said...

Wendy your comments always crack me up! I don't know what I was thinking going back to work at a restaurant while I'm starving! And not just any restaurant but one that has the most delicious food & smoked ribs that smell sooooooo good! And THE BEST fries readily available at your fingertips. (and on the floor)
But it actually took my mind off of eating. Weird right?
I work at Rib City Grill in American Fork. Email me & I'll tell you my sched so you all can come & stalk me. Only if you're a good tipper tho.
Wendy-bring your husband!

Casey said...

Ugh, that pisses me off. I waited tables for several years in college and those people always annoyed me. Now, I will spend ten minutes crawling under the table to make sure I get every crumb that my kids have dropped. I also prebus and wipe down the table before leaving, it's a bit much.

Keely said...

Is it bad that I kind of miss waiting tables even after that post?

I mostly had to clean up after drunks, though, not kids.

Alesia O'Keefe said...

I think that same couple sat in my section several years ago. After I bent over backwards to give them all my pens in my apron because we were out of crayons that night, and the kid threw all his ABC food on the floor and, yes, I was on my knees as well, they wrote a check for $30 for a $29.07 tab. Yep, $0.93 for my tip. Utah tippers are the WORST!!! And the guys who left the wrong CC...they might be the ones who came into my section after prom or some garbage...4 people, $78 and change tab...$80 on the table. HELLO! Do we not teach our kids better than this??? I have actually had a friend tell me that if the waitress doesn't keep her Diet Coke filled all night she won't tip. My philosophy is that if I go out and don't have to cook or do dishes, someone is willing to carry my food to me at my table and take my dirty plates away when I'm done...you START at 15% and work your way up from there!!!

This was a fabulous post!