Wednesday, April 29, 2009

And For My Next Act...

Well it was bound to happen eventually.

As I took the tray of four drinks to my last table tonight I noticed that it was wet on the bottom. Making it a little difficult to carry. Typically, I'm not nervous to carry a tray full of drinks. Maybe the first or second time I did it I was nervous but there really isn't much to it. So as I was setting down the drinks in front of my guests I was telling them how the bottom was wet and it was making me nervous although not as nervous as it should have been making them.

Behind me, I had already prepared another table to be bussed. Meaning, I'd stacked the plates, separated the garbage, and stacked the drinks. Our cups are such that even if there's a couple of inches of liquid in the bottom, you can still put another cup inside it and it won't overflow. So I had two stacks of 4 or 5 cups. All with a little bit of liquid in them; the top cups being completely full. (It should be noted that the people who'd been sitting there had gone, already. Did you pick up on that?)

So I set the tray down (the one with the wet bottom) and put the two stacks of cups on it as well as the stack of plates. (This is something I rarely do. I don't usually use a tray when bussing my tables but I had it with me so I figured what the heck.) I picked up the tray and leaned down to pick up the basket full of napkins and one of the stacks of cups toppled over. Making a HUGE noise and sending water and ice and cups and the silverware I had put in there flying across the table. I glanced over to my other table and gave them a look of "see, I told ya!" only to have the other stack of cups topple over.

That's right. I spilled EIGHT-ish freaking drinks!!! Being the quick wit that I am, I looked around (to the roughly 6 tables full of people) and said, "everything's fine! Nothing to see here." Everyone laughed and I went to the back to scrape up a little bit of dignity before going back out there to clean up my HUGE mess. And as luck would have it, I found a lot of my dignity under the table and behind the bench.

I went over to my table and asked if they enjoyed the circus act. Which they did as well as being extremely grateful I had held it together long enough to not spill their drinks.

Not nearly as grateful as I was.

Can I just say that NONE of the girls I was working with came over to help me? There is NO WAY I'd have let them clean up a mess that big by themselves. If for no other reason than to be able to laugh with them about it and make them not feel so dumb! I'd have dropped what I was doing (pun totally intended) and helped them! Skanks.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Here I Am!

Hey y'all!! Just wanted to drop in and say that the computer is in the crapper again. I'm not sure how long this will last so I've got to hurry and put something up before you all send out an "Amber Alert". Hahaha! Get it? "Amber Alert"? Oh man. Too funny.

OK, let's go with that, then. If I get kidnapped what happens? Do the two Ambers cancel each other out? Will I ever be rescued? Or do they put out TWICE as much effort due to the TWO Ambers??? It makes you wonder, right? Really? It's just me?

Alrighty then.

The other day I took the kids to Arby's and when the dude gave me my change he dropped a nickle out on the ground. (Which made me think of this post of DeNae's and I swear if I read it one more time I'm gonna need to throw on one of Harley's Huggies.) He told me not to worry about it and gave me another one. Well, Avery wanted to get it for him. So she gets out and apparently the door was too close to the building and she had to squeeze through to get the coin. I saw that she was kinda struggling but I didn't want to pull forward because I didn't want to scare her. I thought she would think I was leaving her. I know how scary a thought that can be for a kid. So when she got back in the car she said, "GEEZ!! Next time why don't they move the building over???!!!??"

Oh my heck that kid cracks me up!!!

So that's all I got for now. Lame, I know. Just keep in mind that during these trying times, I'll still be out there. Reading your posts. I probably can't comment on all of them, though, because I'll be blogging from my phone and it's a giant pain in the patella. Please forgive me.

Wanna see some FREAKING CUTE kids??? Go here.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

A Little Jiggle and a Little Sap

Well, great. Last night I was running this post through my brain (in between doing the dance) like many bloggers do, I'm sure. Getting all my thoughts together. Then I wake up this morning and check in on DeNae's falling down post so I can laugh some more and to my wondering eyes, she's got a new post! YAY!!! Christmas came early! As I read through it, I start to wig out a little. She kinda did the same post I was going to do. Boo. But, I'm not one to let a little copy-cat situation bother me. So here we go.

Yesterday Tavis left around 4:15 to go to Heber to get Dalton (his son). Around 4:30 I got a text from one of the managers at work asking if I could work tonight. HECK YES!!! Well, it takes about 40 minutes to get to Heber. Then pick up Dalton. Then 40 minutes back. I told my manager I could be there at 6:00. I knew I'd be cutting it waaaay close.

So at 6:06 I come rushing through the doors of the restaurant. I saw a couple sitting there in the lobby area and my first thought was "wow we're already so busy that people are having to wait??". Then I thought, "no. They're probably waiting for other members of their party to arrive".

As I walk past, one of the hosts says, "Amber, you've got a table already. It's these two." To which I reply, "oh, OK. Awesome!"

So I fly to the back and unload all my shiz, throw on some lip gloss and run out to greet my table.

Me: "Hi! I'm Amber!"
Guest: "I'm Lori."
Me: "Good to meet you."
(People will often tell me their names after I tell them mine so this didn't turn on any light bulbs for me.)
Lori: "We've met before. Just not in--"
Me: "LORI A----??????!!!!!!" "GREENJELLO?????" "Oh my gosh! I can't believe you're here!"

So we hug as long-time friends do. I sat down and she introduced me to her husband. (They were sitting on the same side of the booth. Very cute.) We chatted a little. I realized I had something in my eye. I took their order. Thing in my eye started to seriously annoy me. We chat some more. Then one of the hosts comes up to me and says, "you realize that table of four over there is yours, too, right?"

Me: "Oh snap!! No, I did NOT realize that."

So I had to leave my Greenjello and go, y'know, work. (They were grumpy and not near as fun as Lori!) (The did leave me a good tip, though. So they're forgiven.)

It was so dang much fun to have her come in! We visited just like we were old friends. We really do kinda "know" each other. We have a lot in common. Blended families. (She knows how hard it is.) Awesome husbands. (She knows how much better it is the second time around.)

So, after a while we hugged and said our goodbyes. And then I remembered I hadn't run her credit card yet so I did that and then we said our goodbyes again. She left me a way-too-big tip which included a dollar bill folded up like a shirt. So cute.

This is where the sap comes in.

It got me thinking. I LOVE this blogging world. I'm so glad I entered it. I have enjoyed, so much, meeting so many new friends. And I'm not even going to put that in quotes. They are my friends. You are my friends. Thank you so much for coming into my life. Thanks for your comments. Thanks for your replies to my comments on your blogs.

People that mock us bloggers, just don't understand the kind of camaraderie that we share. I really do care about Melissa's runs (literal runs. Not poops.) I'm concerned about Tib's son with DM1. I love to hear about Veronica's kids playing little league baseball and wish I lived closer so I could go watch them play. I love reading about Vanessa's dramatic daughter. And Kristina's snuggie and her naked neighbors. Motherboard's sweet, sweet daughter wanting to give away all her clothes to poor kids. (Still waiting for our shipment, btw.) Sher's revelations while running. I look forward to every Tuesday to hear about Casey and Keely's randomness. (Caution: they say the F word sometimes.) Green Jello's amazing Wordless Wednesdays and her texting convos with her daughter. I love reading about DeNae's Backordered Life. She moved out when I just barely 9 years old so it's been fun getting to know her better through all of her HILARIOUS stories!! Wendy is one of my bestest bloggy besties!!! She always makes me laugh. And if you haven't read Vodka Mom you really should. (Another language caution, though.) She's a kindergarten teacher back east and she has the most incredible experiences with those kids. She's the reason I want to be a kindergarten teacher. I loved to see this week of "spring" come to an end over at Just SO.

I'm sure I've left people out. Just know that I'm truly thankful for all of you. Every comment makes my day. It's so fun to get to know you through your blogs as well as through your comments. My favorite is when I can email you back after you've commented so if your email isn't listed in your profile, PLEASE list it!

Thanks again, blogosphere. And thanks to Kristina and Lori for being the only ones who've cared enough to come visit me at work. Wendy, I hope you're picking up on the guilt I'm laying on for you.

Friday, April 17, 2009


I've been so tired this week. The kids have been out of school for winter...I mean spring break (I got confused by the TEN inches of snow we got this week.) so I haven't had to get up real early. But still. I'm tired. I've taken naps during the day because I can't keep my eyes open. Why? Why am I so tired?

Then last night, as I lay in bed, it came to me.

To my left was Tavis. Snoring. To my right was Harley (in his crib). Snoring. And under the bed was Rocky, the dog. Snoring. It's a full-on symphony, people!

And running through my brain was the dance. (I've got it nailed, by the way)

No wonder I'm tired!!!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Boom, Clap, Boom, Dee-Clap, Dee-Clap

OK, I know I'm 33 years old. Just wanted to get that out of the way.

I took my kids to see Hannah Montana the movie the other day. I've seen the TV show a bunch of times and it's goofy but not as bad as a lot of the shows they watch. I really like HM's/Miley Cyrus's music. I think she's soooooo much more talented than her dad.

So the movie. It was So. Good. I'm not even kidding. I LOVED it!!! And of course my kids loved it. Even my ten year old son loved it. When it ended I said, "that was cute." Hayden goes, "CUTE???? That was the BEST!!!"

Now they're with their dad for the rest of the week and I'm wanting to find some more kids so I can go see it again. There's a song she sings called "The Hoedown Throwdown" and I'm pretty much obsessed with it. It's got a cute line dance that goes with it and I will not rest until I've learned it. I've watched this a million times and I've got a pretty good grasp on it. Or you can go here and see the actual music video.

So ya, I know. I'm 33 years old. But every once in a while the 10 year old girl in me wants to get down and boogy.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Texting Convo With Tavis

I was working tonight and had the following conversation with Tavis:

Tavis: Will you call around to Avery's friends and tell her to get her butt home? I don't know where she is.
Me: Try next door. I don't know where she is, either. (I'm at work remember?)
Tavis: Hayden went to J's and next door. I don't know if she went up the street to her friend's or what.

So I call him.

Me: Did you find her?
Tavis: No. Doesn't she have a friend that lives up the street that you take her to sometimes?
Me: Ya, but I don't think she'd be there. She's like a "drive her there" type of friend. Avery wouldn't just take off to her house. (So now I'm starting to panic.)
Tavis: Well, I'm starting to get pissed because I'm worried and I don't like to worry.
Me: Did you check B's back yard?
Tavis: It's dark. She should have come home by now.
Me: I agree! (It was 8:40 pm)
Tavis: She was here and I didn't even see her leave the house. This is why I don't think the kids should be able to just run the neighborhood whenever they want.
Me: Well, honey, they don't run the 'hood when they're with me.
Tavis: Wait. Let me check something...................
Tavis:.......OK, she's here. I remember her telling me she was tired and asked if she could go take a nap. She's asleep in her bed.
Me: DUH!!!! You're re-gosh-dang-tarded! Way to be babysitter of the year, hun. You gave me a freakin' heart attack!!!!!

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Things I May or May Not Have Said, Thought, Heard or Texted: I May Have a Problem

"WIll you grab me some Nibs while you're out?"
"I might have a Nibs addiction." (Said while holding up 4 empty Nibs wrappers.)
"Amber, I brought you a surprise!" (Said by Sarah at work just before revealing a bag of Nibs she brought me.) (Yes, she was the manager on duty the other night. I told you I really do like her.)
"How's that all-Nibs diet working out for you?" (Said by Tavis)
"I need a bag of those Nibs up front for the drive."
"I'm just trying to decide to have you get me one bag of Nibs or two."
"You can have some. I've got another bag in my car."
"Who's Nibs are these?" "Whose do you think?"
"Mama? Do you have any more Nibs?" (Me: long sigh 'cause I don't wanna share.)
"There's a technique to opening the bag and you're not doing it."

I'm on my way to southern Utah for the weekend. Should be crappy weather so we've got that to look forward to. Spring break starts for my kids on Monday so I should be good & crazy by Tuesday.
Have a great Easter!!

Just a Teensy Little Update

OK, so I got a call from my boss this afternoon. I was afraid this was coming. I had a feeling that even though I did what I was supposed to do, there would be some repercussions. See, I've never done that before. So when she called today I was a little nervous. The first thing she said was, "what the hell went on here last night?"
Aw crap.
Then she tells me that she got a complaint from one of our regular customers. That he had been there with his wife and two kids; it was his anniversary. He told her he wasn't able to get any service from his waitress and that she and the manager were in the corner laughing it up.


She, of course, was all fired up because the guy told her that if he hadn't been there before he probably wouldn't come back. These are tough times we're living in here. She can't afford to be losing customers and neither can the servers! I'm so glad I did the right thing last night. I don't get involved in the drama. I just come to work, do my job, make people laugh, and have a good time. I love what I do. And I love it when I get noticed for doing a good job at it.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Warning: I'm Full of Spice Tonight

Dear Customers at My Various Tables Tonight,

To the adolescent girl: This may come as a surprise to you but I've had a few customers since you were here a week ago so when you look at me and tell me you'll have "your usual" and I don't know what you're talking about...DON'T roll your eyes at me. And if you call me "HEY!!!" one more time, I'm gonna give you a pile drive to the face. I'm not kidding.

To your mom: Are you aware that your teenage daughter is HANGING all over her boyfriend? You know, the one you bring to dinner with you every week? You realize you're going to be a grandma waaaaaay too soon, right? And are you also aware of the rising problem of childhood obesity as well as juvenile diabetes? You may want to introduce your above mentioned daughter to some water. Not THREE Dr. Peppers.

To my co-workers who I really do like. Really. Mostly: You know you're acting like pre-pubescent school girls when your other co-worker (me) is wishing the 4'9", seventeen year old was working tonight to "up" the maturity level.

To the two jackasses who came in a few weeks ago on a non-dollar-draft-night and told me the owner and the other server always lets you have your beers for a dollar and when I tell you neither I nor the manager has ever heard of such a thing and we won't be giving you your beers for a dollar so you proceed to act like freakin' jerks for the remainder of your meal: Not only did I refuse to have you sit in my section tonight, but I will continue to not have you in my section for as long as you come in.

To one of my co-workers: Please don't tell me that you refuse to serve those two jackasses, too, because they're "creeptastic" and then basically sit on their laps for the duration of their stay.

To my co-workers (again): Don't be surprised when I leave at 9:30 and you've still got work to do. After all, I was doing all my work while you played grab-ass with said "creeptastics" all freakin' night long. And I'm sure it did surprise you when the typically helpful Amber said, "peace out" and left.

All my love,

Oh! One more.

To my dearest, darling, precious baby boy: I'm pretty sure I did not give my permission for you to learn to climb up the stairs. I know big brother was up there and you LOVE to play with him, but really, you're too little to be behaving so bigly.
Love, Mama

I apologize for being so spicy. These people were irritating the living crap outa me! And Kristina P. said in her comments on Sher's...or was it Motherboard's post about the lunch that I'm "sweet" on my blog. Well, I showed her, didn't I?

Wordless Wednesday

Harley got his first real haircut on Friday. My friend has cut it a couple times and I've hacked into it a bunch but he went and got an actual haircut at the actual haircut place. Complete with the cape and all. He's so freakin' CUTE!! He doesn't look like a baby anymore. He's always kind of looked like a little man. But now it's official.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

It's Raining Men


First things first. I'm pretty much the coolest person I know. Today I ate lunch with Sher, DeNae and Motherboard. Ya, that's right. And Motherboard didn't even make us call her "Motherboard". (She made us call her "Mrs. Motherboard.") It was so much fun! We yacked and yacked until we'd been sitting there almost four hours! DeNae said it was as if we'd left each other in the Pre-existence and just picked right back up where we left off. So true. It just felt like we'd all known each other our whole lives. (I know, I know. I have known DeNae my whole life, but still.) I hope they felt the bond and closeness that I felt. It was just such a good time. It makes me want to give all those people that don't understand blogging or the blogging world the finger. They just don't understand. I hear from people, "you're going to lunch with a bunch of people you don't know?" and I just want to tell them, "no. I know them. Just because I haven't met them, doesn't mean I don't know them." And "stop looking at me like that."

So then, as if I wasn't cool enough. Kristina P. came to see me at work tonight! Really? DeNae, Sher, Motherboard and Kristina P? All in one day? I'm really trying to be humble but I can't!!! Kristina and her husband tipped me very generously for which I am thankful. I have to wonder if it's because she knew I'd blog about it.

And speaking of work, this is where the "Raining Men" thing comes in. (Did you like that seg-way?) I got to work at 6:00. Had a table of four. Then a table of five. Then Kristina and Adam. By 7:30-ish I had no one. We knew it was likely to be a busy night because of the Priesthood Session of the LDS General Conference. At 7:50 two guys came in. Then two more. Then it was as if the testosterone convention just let out. Which, basically, it did. That place was PACKED. I had two tables of 6. And a table of 4. All men. I felt like I was in China. They all looked the same. A ton of men in suits and ties. I looked around and at one point I counted 5 women in the entire place. With the exception of the staff. So for the next hour I ran my butt off (I wish) and made $50. To go with the $30 I'd made before the rain storm. CHA-CHING!!!!!

It was a great night. Nice guys. Good tippers. (I found that when I worked lunch I mostly waited on men. Usually on their lunch breaks at work. Without their kids or wives (I guess they probably only had one wife). And they were the best tippers. Maybe the wife doesn't let the husband tip well. I don't know.) Can I just say how much I LOVE my job? I do! I love to wait tables! I realize it's not for everyone but it sure has been great for me.

So I have a question for ya: One of the men that came in tonight is a teacher at my kids' school. My kids haven't had him but I recognized him. He didn't know who I was, though. So his ticket came to $47 and he tipped me $14. That was way freakin' nice of him. Typically, I don't see the tip until the customer has left. This time, however, Mr. Teacher handed me his signed credit card slip right after he filled it out. So I see the very generous tip and go up to him and say, "thank you so much for that. You were very generous and I don't usually get a chance to thank people for their tips, so thank you." Well, he acted embarrassed. Looked like he wished I hadn't said anything. He was with his (grown) sons and another guy and his younger son. So my question is this: Should I not have said anything? Should I not thank people for their tips because it really isn't something that happens very often. Rarely do I get thanked by my server for the tip and likewise, do I rarely get a chance to thank my customers. Should I just take my tip and be on my way? It's really not bad manners to not thank them. A tip is kind of an unspoken thing, right?

So what do I do, people? I'm askin'.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Things I May or May Not Have Said, Thought or Texted

Who are we kidding? I totally said, thought and texted these things.

I'm totally ripping this off from Melissa and Tiburon. But I always look forward to their Fridays and since I've been working a lot lately and having company, there have been plenteeeeee of things running through my head.

So here we go!

  • "How am I supposed to tell the difference between you being sick and you just laying around?"
  • "Dude, you're not supposed to laugh when I touch you there."
  • "I shoulda took Bean-O before I ate that."
  • "As long as you don't get your lung all over him."
  • "It's been SIX FREAKING WEEKS!!!"
  • "I get it. You're hungry. Get in the garage and eat."
  • "It smells like you've been farting the entire time I've been gone."
  • "Ravioli's in the eye never feels good."
  • "I feel like I've gone deaf."
  • "I don't really have 15 fingers." (Said by Avery when trying to figure 15 minus 8.)
  • (Texted to me from Niki who was on vacay at Disneland) "Oh great. There's a crazy-eye guy. Think I'll get him?"
  • (Again, from Niki, who was at a time-share seminar thing.) "Now there's a Slick Willey."
  • "You two give me bi-polar."
  • "Well, you are gorgeous. And stuck up."
  • "I thought Midol made you less irritated when you're flowin'? IDK!!! Don't yell at me!"
  • "Carnage. Lots and lots of carnage."
  • And just tonight....."LOOK AT HIM!!!! HE PULLED HIMSELF UP TO HIS FEET!!!!!" (That's right. My brilliant baby boy beat his brother and sister by a month by pulling himself up to standing tonight. So. Freaking. Smart.)

Hayden and Avery were so funny on April fools day. First thing when I woke up (which translates into: Do not freaking talk to me for at least 5 minutes especially if you're way hyper.) Avery asks me what my fave cereal is.

Me: "What? I don't know. Why?"

Avery: "Just wondering..."

Me: (Light clicking on) "Oh, um...Cookie Crisp."

Avery: (Runs to find Hayden where I hear him whisper to her, "did you tell her?")

So they switch the bags of cereal to trick me. Then Avery tells me I had a spider on my head. Then she told me I was bald. Tavis said today that they were just beside themselves with excitement before I woke up. They couldn't talk enough about all the things they were going to do at school. How much fun would it be to have their level of excitement? Crazy kids.

I told Hayden I was pregant (my stand-by AFD joke) and he totally...didn't buy it. Tavis told me he watched LOST without me and I...totally didn't buy it.

DeNae's coming to town this weekend!!! Sorry, no autographs this trip. I'll try to get a pic of us together so you'll all know that I really am cool.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Wordless Wednesday

This is called "Deep Fried Choclate Pie" or as I like to call it "Christmas Morning in Your Mouth". The pie lady at Rib City made these for us last night. We may start serving them as a promotional thing. Stay tuned. Oh, that reminds me. I'm supposed to be doing a giveaway, huh? I haven't forgotten.