Dear Customers at My Various Tables Tonight,
To the adolescent girl: This may come as a surprise to you but I've had a few customers since you were here a week ago so when you look at me and tell me you'll have "your usual" and I don't know what you're talking about...DON'T roll your eyes at me. And if you call me "HEY!!!" one more time, I'm gonna give you a pile drive to the face. I'm not kidding.
To your mom: Are you aware that your teenage daughter is HANGING all over her boyfriend? You know, the one you bring to dinner with you every week? You realize you're going to be a grandma waaaaaay too soon, right? And are you also aware of the rising problem of childhood obesity as well as juvenile diabetes? You may want to introduce your above mentioned daughter to some water. Not THREE Dr. Peppers.
To my co-workers who I really do like. Really. Mostly: You know you're acting like pre-pubescent school girls when your other co-worker (me) is wishing the 4'9", seventeen year old was working tonight to "up" the maturity level.
To the two jackasses who came in a few weeks ago on a non-dollar-draft-night and told me the owner and the other server always lets you have your beers for a dollar and when I tell you neither I nor the manager has ever heard of such a thing and we won't be giving you your beers for a dollar so you proceed to act like freakin' jerks for the remainder of your meal: Not only did I refuse to have you sit in my section tonight, but I will continue to not have you in my section for as long as you come in.
To one of my co-workers: Please don't tell me that you refuse to serve those two jackasses, too, because they're "creeptastic" and then basically sit on their laps for the duration of their stay.
To my co-workers (again): Don't be surprised when I leave at 9:30 and you've still got work to do. After all, I was doing all my work while you played grab-ass with said "creeptastics" all freakin' night long. And I'm sure it did surprise you when the typically helpful Amber said, "peace out" and left.
All my love,
Oh! One more.
To my dearest, darling, precious baby boy: I'm pretty sure I did not give my permission for you to learn to climb up the stairs. I know big brother was up there and you LOVE to play with him, but really, you're too little to be behaving so bigly.
I apologize for being so spicy. These people were irritating the living crap outa me! And Kristina P. said in her comments on Sher's...or was it Motherboard's post about the lunch that I'm "sweet" on my blog. Well, I showed her, didn't I?