Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Warning: I'm Full of Spice Tonight

Dear Customers at My Various Tables Tonight,

To the adolescent girl: This may come as a surprise to you but I've had a few customers since you were here a week ago so when you look at me and tell me you'll have "your usual" and I don't know what you're talking about...DON'T roll your eyes at me. And if you call me "HEY!!!" one more time, I'm gonna give you a pile drive to the face. I'm not kidding.

To your mom: Are you aware that your teenage daughter is HANGING all over her boyfriend? You know, the one you bring to dinner with you every week? You realize you're going to be a grandma waaaaaay too soon, right? And are you also aware of the rising problem of childhood obesity as well as juvenile diabetes? You may want to introduce your above mentioned daughter to some water. Not THREE Dr. Peppers.

To my co-workers who I really do like. Really. Mostly: You know you're acting like pre-pubescent school girls when your other co-worker (me) is wishing the 4'9", seventeen year old was working tonight to "up" the maturity level.

To the two jackasses who came in a few weeks ago on a non-dollar-draft-night and told me the owner and the other server always lets you have your beers for a dollar and when I tell you neither I nor the manager has ever heard of such a thing and we won't be giving you your beers for a dollar so you proceed to act like freakin' jerks for the remainder of your meal: Not only did I refuse to have you sit in my section tonight, but I will continue to not have you in my section for as long as you come in.

To one of my co-workers: Please don't tell me that you refuse to serve those two jackasses, too, because they're "creeptastic" and then basically sit on their laps for the duration of their stay.

To my co-workers (again): Don't be surprised when I leave at 9:30 and you've still got work to do. After all, I was doing all my work while you played grab-ass with said "creeptastics" all freakin' night long. And I'm sure it did surprise you when the typically helpful Amber said, "peace out" and left.

All my love,
Amber

Oh! One more.

To my dearest, darling, precious baby boy: I'm pretty sure I did not give my permission for you to learn to climb up the stairs. I know big brother was up there and you LOVE to play with him, but really, you're too little to be behaving so bigly.
Love, Mama

I apologize for being so spicy. These people were irritating the living crap outa me! And Kristina P. said in her comments on Sher's...or was it Motherboard's post about the lunch that I'm "sweet" on my blog. Well, I showed her, didn't I?

14 comments:

Kristina P. said...

Well, I didn't say you were sweet in person.

And how are the skanks doing?

Casey said...

Look at you, telling it like it is. I would have been spicy (bitchy) way sooner than you, people annoy me and I usually like to bitch about it.

Vanessa said...

Damn Grabassers.

And LOL to the mom contributing to childhood obesity. I have an inlaw that eats out w/her family so much, I worry about her kids.

SO said...

I'm glad you left at 9:30. Sounds like you deserved to.

tiburon said...

I like Spicy Amber.

I want to play grabass.

Jen said...

And you say you like your job??? I’ll take my 65 or so cute little 6-9 year olds any day over those costumers/co-workers. I do have a few teenage students that could be put into that same “high maintenance” category.

Hope you have a better day at work next time, I would hate for that poor co-worker to see you when you’re really bugged. Lol…..btw, I don’t feel so bad about being on the computer so much after seeing Casey on at 3:53 in the AM!!! ;)

AS Amber said...

I know, Jen. It seems like I don't like my job. But nights like these are very rare. And I really do love those girls I worked with tonight. They were just buggin' me!!!!!

And I LOVE my job. LOVE IT!!!

Motherboard said...

Don't you know you are supposed to have super human memory skills? Better read the fine print in your contract again. I'm pretty sure its there.

I like this Amber. She's funny!

DeNae said...

Sooo...you DON'T remember the skanky teenager chugging the DP and pro-creating at table 6, but you DO remember the beer guzzling cheapskate slimeball losers in the bar?

I'm beginning to think you're a respecter of persons, Amber. I really am.

And I invite all co-workers everywhere who insist on playing grab-smalldomesticatedfarmanimal while Amber does her jobs and then 'hasta la vistas' your sorry smalldomesticatedfarmanimals to pick your jaws up off the floor, cuz I can tell you from personal experience, there's more where that came from!

Melissa said...

I LOVE the spicy Amber - keep it going girl!

DeNae said...

...and how great is it that JEN is now blogging with us?? Love that girl!

Vodka Mom said...

Spicy is where it's AT!!!

Love that you kept it real!!!

hahaha

Missy said...

Spicy can get you places!

Sher said...

Your job rocks!

p.s. I think you are sweet AND spicy.
The perfect combo.