Sunday, February 15, 2009

Am I On Candid Camera?

Anyone been to Wal-Mart lately? It's a freak show, people! I've always known this. I've known that on my worst day I can walk in there and see a dozen people that look worse than me on their best day. It's the place to see the latest trends in pj's, slippers, greasy hair-do's, stretch marks peeking through those not-quite-long-enough t-shirts. But this weekend, was just like an out of body experience.

There was a huge woman (I don't usually judge people for being fat, because I am a FAR CRY from skinny. Besides, it rarely has anything to do with whether or not they're a good person. In fact, I'm not judging this woman for being fat. But the fact that she was overweight just drew more attention to herself.) yelling at her kids. She was so freaking loud! It was never a "come here, honey" or "don't touch, sweetie". It was "GET OVER HERE!" And, "DON'T TOUCH THAT!!!". I'm a pretty mellow, laid back person. I mostly just mind my own business. But this time I had to give her my best "crank my head around and glare" look. I'd be a huge liar if I told you I've never scolded my kids in the store. But I try to do it discreetly. I don't ever want people looking at me the way I was looking at this woman. Twice.

And have you ever noticed that you end up going in the same circles as other people? Like you run into them on every other aisle. So I got to see this charming gal every time I turned around.

So after I got done with the grocery part of my shopping I head over to the pharmacy to get some baby Tylenol. On my way I pass a woman who's talking to herself. Like full-on talking. Not just "ok, I can't forget the milk...". No, she's in a deep convo with herself. I couldn't believe my bad luck! First, a mean-talker in the grocery part and now a self-talker in the boys' clothing department. I headed over to the pharmacy fully expecting to find a leper colony! Actually, in that area it was just kinda depressing. Mostly old people shuffling along behind their carts.

The check-stand offered more entertainment, though. First, I got in line with the self-talker. (See what I mean about circles?) Then the cashier supervisor person is talking to my cashier about her (own) granddaughter. She got the part in an Aladdin play and needs a dress for a part...can't think of the name...starts with "p"...(other cashier calls out "pirate!" (Me, to myself: Really? Have you seen Aladdin?)) I chime in, "peasant?"
Supervisor: "YES!!! Thank you! So I don't even know what a peasant would wear. What is a peasant?"
(Me, to myself: Really? And you work at Wal-Mart? Huh.)
Anyway, I explained to her that a peasant was poor and they wore kind of ruffly dresses (I guess), paid my freaking $123, and left.

Feeling much, much better about myself.


Kristina P. said...

These kinds of things don't happen at Target.

5joys said...

I love it - especially the part about the circles - and I agree with Kristina - those kinds of things don't happen at Target!

Thanks for the nice comments on my blog. I'll copy and paste that "laundral" article in the next couple days. Thanks for letting me use it as a "guest post".

The Boob Nazi said...

I always mean to blog about my strange walmart happenings but you beat me to it?

Laurel said...

hey, sorry about yelling at my kids so loud. The dr. said I needed to get them out more often.

I so feel that way about Walmart. And you don't get that at Target. Except I do get a bigger bill!

DeNae said...

You are so right, little sister. But you know how I feel about WalMart. I have a testimony that WalMart is the store Satan opened up right after he started an insurance company and ran for the Senate seat from Nevada. Think Darth Vadar ran an evil empire? He had NOTHIN' on WalMart.

No, these things don't happen at Target. But I've seen enough white cords stretched to Guantanamo levels to last me a lifetime. So I have to medicate to do Target, too.

Ryan and Jacki Andrew said...

I don't think that I can leave Walmart without someone annoying me.

Amber said...

Me either, Jacki! DeNae-I do know of your HATE for Wal-Mart. One of these days you're going to have to give me a full run-down on why they're so evil. I agree that they're evil, though. Just wanna know why.

Chaka said...

I love the cheap prices at Walmart, but it is so not worth it to have to deal with the crowds and what you just described. I don't mean to sound snooty (like you did) but I totally agree with you.

Anonymous said...

It's international...Wal-Mart just attracts a certain crowd I guess. But that place is like crack! I vow to never return because they have annoyed me yet again. Then the next week...there I am...pushing my cart around singing along with the store music.

mrsbear said...

The Walmart around here scares me, I'll opt for the Tar-jay every time. I'm uppity like that. I've seen similar stuff when I've had to pop in to the grocery store late at night, it's a freak show. Great for people watching though.

GreenJello said...

Go to the Target. LOL! It's smaller, cleaner, and much nicer.