Friday, January 16, 2009

Tales of a Fourth Grad...er Staying Home Because He's "Sick"

On Wednesday Hayden called me at 3:00 and said he was sick and needed to come home early. He knows the rule of coming home from school early: you will be in your room, in your bed for the entire evening. No t.v. No toys. No video games. Nothing but resting because you're "sick". You can read or do homework. That's it. So I remind him of this and ask if he really wants to use this "get out of school free card" when school ends in THIRTY MINUTES and he'll be banished to his room when he gets home. He decided (because I made him) to stay at school for the duration of the half-hour. Another rule of coming home early is that you must have already thrown up at school. Feeling like you're going to throw up is not good enough.

So he got home that day and, as miracles would have it, he felt fine! YAY! Last night he complained of not feeling well and asked if I could get him some Pepto. So I loaded him up with Pepto and sent him to bed. At midnight he came downstairs (as I was still up blogging) telling me he was so sick. He really didn't look good. He kept making a run for the toilet. His bed is up high so I made him a bed on his floor so he wouldn't have to climb down and run to the bathroom. (He's never been good at making it there, anyway. His younger sister, however, will get up in the middle of the night three times and throw up and then clean up the little bit she got on the carpet and the bathroom floor and you'll only find out about all of this in the morning when she tells you.) So after one more run to the bathroom (unproductive) he went to bed.

This morning he got up and was acting pretty much normal. Until I asked him how he was feeling. (Stomach clutch, squinty eyes, whiny voice) "A little better."

Had I not been an eye witness to the events of last night I would have called him a big, fat faker and sent him off to school. Mostly because it would have meant more of a battle between Tavis and me than Hayden and me. Tavis would have wanted me to make him go to school and would have given me no end of crap about it the whole day. Me. Not Hayden. Anyway, Hayden stayed home. And it's been a real pain in my butt. All I want to do is watch my DVR. But he has to come upstairs and tell me about every commercial he sees or give me a FULL account of a Sponge Bob episode.

It's driving me nuts!!! He insists on talking to me. It's bad enough that Tavis has been home a lot lately. I'm really missing my old routine of getting the kids off to school, sitting on the couch, texting, eating, texting some more, a little blogging (although I usually do that at night), watching tv, more texting, and getting some space cleared out of my DVR.

So far today I've heard about:

A commercial where the guy is telling all the students that a good career choice for them would be a puppeteer.

The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, ("oh wait, now that they have 'The Suite Life On Deck' I have to remember to say which one it is. Because you might get confused and not know if I'm talking about he original or the one where they're on a cruise ship.") where this Mia person is telling London something and she's really mean but London is so rich that she should be able to buy her way out of whatever it is that Mia is having her do...or something.

I honestly don't hear 80% of what he tells me. I know it's bad but I just can't do it. His stories last forever. OK, I know I do the same thing but my stories are really funny and interesting and awesome. His are all about, "this one time on Sponge Bob/Star Wars/ Suite Life/Family Guy (which just sends me right into a fury because that show is sooooo not for kids but his dad lets him watch it)."

Then he heard Harley (on the monitor) just start to stir so he goes up there and "entertains" him. Really? Because he does that and sometimes he goes back to sleep. So now he's up. Can't I just ignore my kids in peace???

Well, we made it through the day. I was able to learn a lot...

Did you know that when Yoda fights with anyone it's always Christmas colors? Did you know that on Legos Star Wars (the video game) Yoda walks so slow (demonstrates taking teeny, tiny steps)? Did you know that if I have to hear one more thing about Star Wars I'm going to rip every singe strand of hair out of my head??

He had a basketball game today. He plays for the Jr. Jazz. Does every state have a "Jr. ..." program? i.e. Jr. Knicks? Jr. Heat? Jr. Celtics? Anyway, it's a really good program for kids. He's not very good but he really likes it and improved 100% from his first game last week. They don't keep score (lame) and they don't call fouls (even lamer) but the kids really have a good time and learn the fundamentals of the game.

Hope you all have a good weekend! Oh, and for a really fun post go here. It's my sister and she's hilarious!

PS In all fairness to Hayden I can probably count on one hand the times I stayed/came home from school when I was actually sick. Except that time I had cancer during my junior year. I wasn't faking then.

14 comments:

Kristina P. said...

I never thought of this issue with having kids. Don't come between me and my DVR! It will make me very grouchy.

DeNae said...

How sad is it that when our kids are on "our turf and our time" it really frosts us? I must be missing out on some really critical chromosome that makes it possible to face, for example, summer vacation without the need for anti-psychotic meds. And yeah, around here you gotta pretty much vomit up your entire intestinal track before I'll let you stay home sick. What's wrong with us, Amber??

Here in Las Vegas we don't have professional sports teams because of the whole 'gambling on the home team' conundrum. So no variations on the theme of Jr. Jazz.

We do, however, have "Junior Pole Dancers". Big hit among those flexible little 9 year-olds...

Amber said...

BAAAAA!!! Hey, those little ones need to start working on their careers early! And yeah, I don't have any anti-psychotic meds for summer. I do, however, have an ex husband to send the kids to :) I really think everyone needs an ex husband...minus the whole nastiness of divorce, of course.

Kristna P. Seriously, consider ALL the possibilities before you venture into motherhood.

Casey said...

Wait a minute.. so you're telling me that when the kids are in school, I can relax and watch my DVR? Holy crap, that sounds amazing.
My kids are in my face 24/7 and I'm a month behind on all of my DVR'ed shows. I have to make the choice between blogging or watching TV and since I don't want to let you guys down....

I hope Hayden feels better soon!

wendy said...

You had cancer when you were a Junior??? YIKES. In defense of Hayden, when I call in sick for work (I am rarely, rarely "sick"--just sick of being THERE) Also, speaking of Jr. Jazz. When my son was in "rehab" last January (it is a sad story, but he is doing soooo well now) we all in the family took turns with his 7 year old taking him to Jr. Jazz. Mom needed the help. It was hysterical , I laughed until tears were streaming down my face as he insisted on "guarding" even when he was on offense. Oh sheesh, it was Hy-Ste-Ri-Cal.

Ryan and Jacki Andrew said...

Samantha is having her Tonsels removed on Friday. Her Dr. says that she will need a week to recover. This means that I will have to listen to all of that for a week. I am not looking forward to it.

mrsbear said...

So glad he didn't actually puke, and hopefully he's not contagious. My 14 year old loves to call home for all kinds of BS, actually she texts and for the most part I make her wait it out to the end of the day. I've made the mistake of getting her early, only to have her suddenly feel perfectly fine when she's home.

I know what you mean about the lengthy kid stories. I've gotten pretty good at the smile and nod, there are only so many dinosaur tales I can listen too without wanting to perforate my own ear drums, you know?

Melissa said...

When my first was about a year old, I was commenting to a friend that I was worried that something was wrong with my daughter. She insightfully told me, "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Someday all you are going to want out of life is for her to SHUT THE HELL UP! How true!

Sprite's Keeper said...

I hate it when my daughter's day care calls her home sick. "She puked." "She had a loose diaper." "She's a little feverish."
"She has dozens of red spots all over and more keep appearing." Sheesh!

Former Fat Chick said...

You sound just like me! hahaha- when I was a kid, I was made to og to school all the TIME, my Mom had to SEE the vomit or worse "daria" in the toilet, or you had to have glow in the dark boogers or a REAL fever, not 99 or even 100. I used to cry and say, when I'm dead you'll be so SORRY! drama runs in the family...

in time out said...

love this post. thanks for reading me today....and finding me funny...i needed to hear that. we all have our days i guess. Oh, checked out your sisters sight...too funny. thanks. in time out ---i wish!

Little Miss English Teacher said...

Hm. We have been seriously thinking about having kids ... what am I going to do when they want to watch TV when I'm trying to catch up on my shows?!?!?!! OHHHH NOOO!

Yeah, the typical faker is the "grabs tummy and groans" come on kid! Get creative!! :)

But they sound adorable!!!

Thanks for the comment. I am naughty ... but no longer! I have maintained my "never cheating in college" streak :) And I'll be graduating in May so YAY!

Keely said...

I wasn't sick a lot as a kid. My mother claims she wouldn't allow it.

I also don't have a DVR. If I DVR'd things I'm missing, by the time Xander got to school, I'd have to sit on the couch 24-7 for a year straight to catch up.

Jen said...

I am cracking up at this! Also I can't wait until my kids are all in school. It sounds so great! I am going to be diligent about cleaning out my DVR.