Wednesday, March 31, 2010

In Which I Take Back All the Nice Things I Said About Old People

So I'm in line at the post office the other day. I was probably six people back and the line continued to form behind me. Along one part of the wall was a rack of greeting cards. As Harley and I waited in line he took interest in the cards. Of course. He'd pick out a card, look at it and place it back exactly where it didn't belong. So I'd take the card and put it back it its spot. This had happened a good ten times. It wasn't hard. He'd take a card, I'd put it back. No biggie. He wasn't being bad. He was entertained and staying close to me so I was fine with this "game".

Then an old man and his grown daughter got in line about three people behind us. He asks the gal behind me, "is that your little boy?"

I tell him he's my little boy and, naturally, prepare myself to hear what everyone says, "oh he is so CUTE!!! Look at his darling blond hair!! Oh, those blue eyes!!! His smile!!! What a doll!!!"


To my surprise the old man says, "well he's playing with all the cards! If that was my child I wouldn't let him play with that. Oh, now he's moving them. NO! NO! That's not where that one goes!! HEY!! Hey, you can't put that there!" His daughter tried to politely shush him. He tells her, "I'm just being mock-serious".

Mock-serious??? Who says that? Old Man River, that's who.

I keep giving him my best "stop talking to my child like that" smile. I don't get offended easily. I know old people have lost their filters. And their ability to control the VOLUME OF THEIR VOICE. His daughter was clearly embarrassed by her father. She had the look of "please don't get mad, he's an old geezer" on her face. But the only reason I'm mad now is because I continued to replace the cards but he doesn't know I've been doing this all along. He thinks I'm doing it now because he made a fuss about it.

By now I've moved far enough up in the line that Harley's too far away from me for my comfort. So I gather him up and set him on the counter. He tried to grab all the "change of address" forms and I told him he'd send that old man into a tailspin if I let him play with those.

So we mailed DeNae's 25th wedding anniversary gift and were on our way. It got me thinking, though. Will I be a sweet old lady or an ornery old bag? I haven't decided yet.

Today is the last day to donate your Snuggie to Kristina's oldies. But don't give one to that old man. OK, give him one but make sure it's a PINK one.


Kristina P. said...

Hey, I almost decided to stop doing the Snuggie drive a while ago, because of an old person!

I was in the middle of the intersection, the next car waiting to turn left, and an old guy comes up to the right of me and cuts in front of me to turn left. WHO DOES THAT?!?! (SHaking my fist.) Down with old people!

M-Cat said...

I love old people (ducking head).

It's true, I really do. Even the bat-shit-crazy-mean-as-a-sunuv-bitch ones.

For the record, I am going to be the sweetest old lady around. I am getting out all me MEAN and cuss words now.

wendy said...

Oh, I so hear you on this. My daughter has had two!!! horrible experiences with OLD people about her one little daughter at resturants.
One time I was with her and I never wanted to HIT someoone so bad in my life...and she wasnt' all the much OLDER then ME.
Old people loosing their "filters" that was funny.

I soooo hope I don't become an old bag...its BAD enough to look like one, let alone BE one.
why when we get older do we become so dang ornery.
Its like they forget everything THAT WAS about life.
and don't want to be disrespectful....cause, uh, they're old.

My dad is even starting to get like this and it gets pretty bad sometimes case he NEVER used to be like that.
One time at church (my BIL told me) he scolded everyone in the Gospel Doctrine class that no one was TRYING hard enough to do "the right things".
complete silence.
what do you say to an old man who chastises you

anyway, SHOOT me if I become so "out of touch" and can't keep my lipstick ON my lips.

wendy said...

But one thing about being old that is can fart pretty much anywhere

DeNae said...

I'm already an ornery old lady. But that man was clearly insane, and should have been arrested in the name of keeping things safe at the post office. At least until my present was safely delivered.

And KP, if you had READ my book, The Accidental Gringo, then you would know that every single inhabitant of Puerto Rico makes left turns like that. That includes drivers, children, hermit crabs - everyone.

Are you sure you weren't cut off by an elderly Puerto Rican hermit crab? Cuz they need Snuggies, too.

Martins said...

Um... You'll probably be an old bag! ;) J/k, Just read your # 2 stories... you crack me up!

Just SO said...

I hope I'm a sweet old lady but also I want to be able to say what I want when I want as well....not sure how well that will go over.

Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings said...

Argh. Old people. I am also hoping to avoid acting like this when I get older. Letting go, would be my goal. Just let other people deal with issues, but...alas...looking at my family now...I will probably be a cranky old lady at some point. :-)

Emma said...

sounds like something I would have to deal with. My Gracelyn gets on all the old people nerves!!!