Funny Things My Kids Have Said

I hope you all had a happy and safe New Year's Eve. We did. Tavis and I were talking last night and we decided that the only really good thing that happened in 2008 was having Harley. The rest of the year can kiss our...well let's just hope 2009 is much better.
OK, for a long time I've thought I need to jot down the funny things my kids say or I'll forget them. Until now, I didn't really have a place to put 'em. I know, I could get a journal, but...snore! So, here's couple stories for your reading enjoyment. You're welcome.

When Avery was 4 she would come in my room every morning (I was single at the time) (that has nothing to do with this story, just thought I'd throw that in there.) and ask me to fix her a waffle.

So one morning she came in and got in bed with me (maybe the single part applies here. No? Huh. OK.) and says, "mama? Will you fix me a..." and I interrupted her and whispered in her ear, "fix me a waffle?"

She said, "I can't fix you a waffle!"

Me: "Why not?"

Avery: "Because. I'm a baby girl (that's what I call her..."baby girl") and you're a grown-up. You have the BIG eyes and REAL glasses and you dwive (she still can't say her "r's"). And I'm a goowl (how do you type "girl" with the "w" sound?) and I cwy a lot so, I'm a baby girl".

Moving on a couple of months:

When Tavis and I were dating he lived in a cabin at Sundance. It's absolutely beautiful there and was an awesome place to fall in love. I lived in Tooele (for those of you who're not from Utah...Vodka Mom, Jen, that's about 35 miles west of SLC and is pronounced to-ILL-ah. It's Native American. Yeah.) and he was working in Logan (that's like...a lot of miles north of Salt Lake and Sundance is where Robert Redford has his resort) so we'd meet each other on the weekends at his cabin and have little, mini vacays. It was awesome! So the first time I introduced my kids to Tavis, we went to the cabin for the weekend. It was in October. Tavis taught Hayden how to fish. We did a "haunted train ride" on the Heber Creeper. We roasted marshmallows on the deck. It was way fun.

So Saturday morning, Tavis and I were downstairs and the kids were upstairs. We could hear them start to wake up and talk a little and all of a sudden..."SQUIRREL!!!!!!!!! ....thud, thud, thud, thud, thud". Have you ever seen National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation? At the end when Clark has a squirrel on his back and his dad yells, "squirrel!!"? That's what it sounded like. Then footsteps running to the glass sliding door that led out to the deck. My city-slicker son was seeing a squirrel for the first time up close and personal. It was one of the funniest things we've ever heard. (Side note: my kids really are city kids. On our way up the canyon Avery was literally scared of the trees. Literally.)

OK, moving on:

When Tavis and I got married we each had a queen-sized bed. We put mine in Avery's room and put Tav's in our room. As time went by Tavis decided that he hated our mattress and liked Avery's better. He wanted to switch mattresses. So one morning Avery came and got in bed with me (not single now. Did you pick up on that?) and said, "why is your bed more comfortable than mine?"

I said, "dad actually likes your bed better. He wants to switch our beds."

Avery said so sweetly, and innocently and EMPHATICALLY, "I'm not sleeping with Tavis!!!".

One more:

When I was pregnant with Harley I was trying to explain to my kids how big the baby was, what he looked like, etc. I worked in an x-ray department at a hospital for a couple of years and I'd seen many a fetus on ultrasound and I knew what each stage of development looked like. So I was telling the kids that the baby was about the size of a gummy bear and that it actually looked a lot like a gummy bear. With little arm buds and leg buds.

Avery: "You should swallow a gummy bear. Like don't chew it. And when it gets into your tummy the baby will be all 'Hiiiiiiii. Wanna be friends?' And then the baby would be say, 'hey! Hey you! Why won't you talk to me?'"

Actually, the story of when I told the kids I was pregnant is kind of a cute story. What? You're bored with stories about my kids? Tough.

Tavis was out of town when I found out I was pregnant. I like to take the kids to dinner when he's gone because he doesn't like to eat out and I don't like to cook. On our way to the restaurant I asked the kids if they thought 9 months was a long time or a short time. "Long time". School had just started like 3 or 4 weeks earlier so I asked them if they thought the end of the school year (as I was due May 30th) was a long time away or a short time. "Long time." So I decided to forget telling them for a "long time". We went to the kids' favorite place to eat. A Chinese buffet because they can get 25 refills on their egg-drop soup. And have some sweet and sour chicken, too. At the end of our meal we got our fortune cookies. Mine and Hayden's were lame. But Avery's said, "A short stranger will soon come into your life with blessings to share". Huh. I asked the kids if babies were short or tall. "Short."

Me: "I'm having one."

Kids: "Having what?"

Me: "A baby."

Hayden: "Are you serious? Are you? You are? Are you serious?"

Avery (who was already sitting next to me): "I wanna talk to it." (lays her head on my tummy) "Hi baby. How are you?"

Seriously, it was one of the sweetest moments I've ever had with my older babies. Being pregnant while having two older kids was really fun. They were so interested in what baby was doing. They went with us for the ultrasound when we found out the gender. I could tell it was a boy (either because I'd seen so many ultrasounds or because...y'know...it was that obvious...or both) before the doctor even told us it was a boy. Hayden was so excited. Tavis and Avery both cried. Same reason. Different emotions. She was PIS**D!!! But not to worry. She loves her baby brother soooo much!

Thanks for reading to the end. My kids have pretty dang awesome senses of humor so I'm sure there will be more to amuse you (and by "you" I mean "me").

Well That Was Fun

Christmas is over. Kind of a relief to have it behind us. We did really well. We had a great time at the party at my mom's. We fondued our steaks. Ate a TON of food. Did the cousin gift exchange. Did the sibling gift exchange. (thanks again, Jill and Kev! They spoiled us.) Opened our gifts from my parents. Had just a really enjoyable time.

Until...

Hayden unleashed a fury that could rival an over-tired two year-old. See, every year my mom goes to these "conferences". She works for the Church in the workers' comp. department. They send her and her friend/co-worker/co-hort/trouble-making-buddy, Cheryl to these conferences. Some years it's in Vegas. Some years in Chicago. Well she comes home a TON of loot. Seriously, she packs an EXTRA suitcase just to bring home all of her goods. These goods include pens (by the millions), playing cards, cute t-shirts shrink-wrapped to the shape of pigs, whips, chains, whistles, yo-yo's (OK, so I made the last few up but you get the idea). So she puts these goods in grab-bags for the grand kids. This year she separated them and put names on the bags. (usually they just take a bag and get what they get) So Hayden got his bag and FREAKED OUT. He got some playing cards in the shape of band-aids or something. Well, I couldn't really tell by the way he was screeching at the top of his voice, "does anyone want these STUPID cards?!?" but I don't think he was thrilled with what he got. He had already been fired up about the fact that he'd lost the foam little toucan my mom gave him earlier in the day. And by "fired up" I mean more FREAKING OUT. Sometimes I think he might be bipolar. He's already been diagnosed with ADHD. (Don't judge me. I KNOW it's waaaaay over-diagnosed but when we took him to the doctor to have him checked out the doctor went on to say that the protocol is to send home a form for us to fill out and for his teachers to fill out. Bring the form back in two weeks. And go from there as far as treatment. Well, after spending 30 minutes with my, then, 6-year-old Hayden, he said he was going to skip all that and get him immediately on some meds.) He took his pills faithfully all through 1st, 2nd and 3rd grade. But by the end of last year he was really skinny. (skinnier than he already was. He's always been skinny and flexible and wild and crazy.) He was 8 yrs old and weighed 55 lbs. His doctor told us that if he didn't gain weight he'd have to take him off the pills. That wasn't an option at the time so we fattened him up by feeding him prescribed milk shakes and Ramen. When summer came he was soooo sick of being "bored" because of the way the pills made him feel that we took him off of them. They really do make him into a zombie. He's not the same funny, sillly, goofy Hayden. This year he has refused to take them again. He's doing alright in school so we're not pushing it. However, we have noticed an increase in his anger. He's so quick to snap! Holy crap...I have digressed...A LOT! So, back to the party. He'd gotten a cool t-shirt from my parents that he LOVED. A nerf dart gun and Star Wars toy from Kennedy (aka, Jason and Ali) that he also LOVED and was sooooo happy! He kept saying how much he loved that gun and he insisted on putting the t-shirt on immediately and anything Star Wars will certainly make him giddy.

And then the grab-bags. Yikes.

So we spent the drive home telling him that we hoped Santa was too busy delivering presents to have noticed the abominable display he'd just put on. He fell asleep not long after we left my mom's which could have had a little to do with said display. We dropped him and Avery off at their dad's and went home. (The next day when Scott brought them home he said that Hayden told him he was surprised he got anything because he really had been kinda naughty this past year. Looks like Santa's a big softy. Either that or he really, really loves this kid. Or both.)

Christmas morning at our house was pretty dang quiet. Harley gave about zero craps about all his present. Singular. And true to all kids his age and just older than him, he mostly liked the packaging. One of these pix is of him eating the wrapping paper off the gift from grandma and grandpa Powers.

Tavis and I were able to exchange gifts and colds. He was really generous with both. He's a giver. What else can I say? Only when he gives, he does it ten-fold! I got the stuffy nose that he had but I also got a side of REALLY sore throat and cough. So, yay me!

He gave me a spa package and a tanning pass and some ear buds for my cell phone and a coat that's too small and a hoodie that's too small. K, we've been together for 3 1/2 yrs now. WHEN is he going to learn that even on my skinniest day I'm not a medium? Last year I was pregnant and he got me maternity clothes. A very, very nice gesture. Seriously. But he got me size medium because, and I quote, "the larges looked HUGE!!!". Really? 'Cause I'm an XL. Right on!

Anyway, I wanted to exchange the hoodie for a bigger one 'cause I really do like it but they didn't have my GIANT size so I decided to get the money and have him take me to dinner. (An activity that I love and may have something to do with my XL-ness.) Does that make sense? I got a shirt that doesn't fit because I'm too big for it (never mind that I really am a large when I'm skinny) and I exchange it for FOOD?!? I have issues.

K, well, I started this post two days ago and it's getting really long so I'm gonna upload those darling pix you're all DYING for and post this sucker before it turns into a freaking novel.

Hope you all have a happy and a healthy (and safe) New Year!

This is Harley eating his wrapping paper.

Christmas morning.Avery and Harley on Christmas Day.

This is one of about a zillion pictures I took of these three. Seriously. This is the best one I got. Naughties.


Two babies. One first Christmas.

Sucky Things

Alternate title: "Who Needs Friends Anyway?" or "My Husband is Bipolar"

There are two sucky things in this post. The first is me. I got a starter for some Amish Friendship Bread from my friend, Laurel. I've gotten these in the past and have never seen it through to the end. It's the kind that you have to mash the bag for several days. Then add some ingredients to it. Then mash some more and on the tenth day, you bake it. It also creates 4 new starters. You keep one for yourself and give the rest to your friends. So I thought, "what a great idea! I'll bake this into little loafs and give them to my neighbors and give them a starter, too." So I did the mashing and baking and covering with tin foil and writing on the "to and from" things...and that's as far as I got. I did all this on Tuesday. It's now Saturday almost Sunday. I'm afraid that if I gave it to my neighbors now it'll be stale and I'll be embarrassed so I'll just leave them piled up on my counter, instead. Ya, I suck. I also have a LOT of starters if anyone wants one! I decided to try out one of the loafs. This bread is so dang yummy! If someone gives you a starter be sure to see it through to the end. Oh, and I recommend you LOOK at all the ingredients in the recipe and make sure you have them all in your house BEFORE you start the 10th day things. That way you won't have to make TWO trips to the store and ONE trip to your neighbor's house to get all of them. Not that that happened to me. I'm just sayin'.

The other sucky thing is the suckers we made tonight. The reason I say my husband is bipolar is because the man runs hot and cold. I honestly have a hard time keeping up. He's either wiggin' out because the kids' TV is one micro-decibel too loud or he's Johnny Let's Make Suckers Even Though I HATE To Be Sticky. Seriously, though, the kids had so much fun making those suckers! I've never made hard candy or suckers. I guess it's something Tav did quite a bit as a kid. It was a lot of fun. Look at the steam!

So we're gonna go to church tomorrow. We haven't been to our ward since Harley was blessed in July. We have to go see the Christmas program, though, right? It's been a pretty fun weekend. The kids are usually with their dad on the weekends but he went to the Las Vegas Bowl so we got to have them stay home. Hayden went with Tavis to Heber this morning to watch Dalton race his motorcycle. He pitched a HUGE, FAT FIT about going because he wanted to stay home and be lazy. I made him go, though because I knew he'd have a good time and Tavis really wanted him to go with him. Sometimes you have to force your kids to do things, right? The first thing he said to me when he walked in the door was, "thanks for making me go. It was so much fun." Well, DUH!!! Sometimes I think he's biologically related to Tavis. He does the same thing. He biotches and moans about doing SOOOOO many things and ends up having a good time. Always. Why can't they just be nice about it in the first place and save me a ton of irritation?

Dalton took 5th place, by the way. It was his first race ever so to take 5th is really good! He got a trophy. And not one of those trophies that everyone gets. YAY!

Hope you're all having a good holiday season. I love Christmas. I hate winter and Christmas is the only good thing to look forward to. Well, that and my birthday in February :)

We also went to dinner tonight with most of my family. We went for Mexican food and Madi put Harley on the cow (I think) pinata. It was seriously, so freakin' funny! That's Trae and London ducking out of the way. Love those kids so much!

Texting: My Favorite Pastime

I got this idea from green jello. It's a really cute blog, you should check it out.

So I figure since I spend a RIDICULOUS amount of time texting, I'd share some of those convos. You're welcome.

Sunday, December 15, 2008
Convo with DeNae:

Me: Jake's gift has been sent. They said it would be there before Christmas. No one told ME Cmas was on the 25th this yr! It's gift-wrapped.

DeNae: You just be-booped me during the Sacrament. I'll watch for the gift.

Me: BAAAA! That's funny! Ever heard of "vibrate mode"?

DeNae: Yes. You just buzzed my belly.

A few minutes later...

DeNae: It's a good thing the Church is true. This idiotic youth speaker is giving a talk on the Christmas Shoes. I have to kill myself now.

Me: And now you are dead.

What's with the youth of today? Doesn't anyone have their dads write their talks anymore? I'm 32 and I don't think I've ever written my own talk!

Harley Update

So we were supposed to have Harley's blood drawn by the end of last week but things kept coming up and it became clear that neither Tavis nor I were really convinced he needed it done. So I called his doctor this week and asked if we could change his diet (switch from rice cereal to oatmeal and cut way back on the bananas) and exercise his legs and neck more. And to be honest, we never even tried to have him sit up on his own. He's so content to roll all over the room or just sit on our laps that it never occurred to us to have him sit. Well, guess what?? He CAN do it! He holds himself up with his hands so he wouldn't be able to, say, hold a toy and sit at the same time, but he really can sit. Of course he topples over after about ten seconds. Progress, right? What do they call that? OH! BABY STEPS!



Anyway, we asked if we did all those things would it be OK if we waited til his 9 month appointment to see if he's stronger. She said they really would like to have it tested but that it would be fine if we waited a couple of months. It's not like we don't want to be pro-active with our child's health. We're willing to do whatever is necessary for him. And if she was insistent that we get it done, we'd for sure do it. But because my other two kids didn't stand on their legs til they were a year old and were always super cuddly and have turned out just fine, (developmentally, that is) we feel like we can do other things first. Even if it's just for a little while. She said that if he misses any more "milestones" (which, for the record, I think "milestones" are things a group of doctors got together and decided were good ways to make parents feel badly about themselves and their kids) then we should get him in and checked sooner.



So, we got him an exer-saucer and we're going to get him one of those "Bumble" things for him to sit in and we've already changed his diet (which has worked out quite well) (and by "quite well" I mean he's having diapers that are in NO WAY full of constipation). And now we wait. It was too hard for us to justify putting him through such a traumatic ordeal. Or us, for that matter. I know he wouldn't remember it but we would and I don't know of any parent who wants to subject their baby to painful testing if it's not absolutely necessary.



This is my perfectly normal baby being perfectly normal and perfect in his new toy.


P.S. He's perfect.



Unrelated note:
One year ago today my very dear friend, Courtney, had a bone marrow transplant. She has had an incredibly hard year. She's a wife and a mother of four. I love her tons and I want to tell everyone (all two of you) who reads this that she's amazing and she's awesome and earlier this week she was declared to be in REMISSION!!

I Really Don't Have a Good Title For This Post....

....it's just some way cute pictures of Harley.

I Know These Types of Posts are a Snore But...

...for the purpose of chronicling Harley's life I have to do it. He had his 6 month appointment yesterday and here are his stats:

Length: 28"-----> 95%
Weight: 16 lbs 13 oz -----> 25%
Head: 44 cm -----> 75%

So he's still long and lean and apparently growing into his "Stubbs" head. The doctor was a little concerned that's he's weaker than he should be because he doesn't put weight on his legs very often (neither did Hayden and Avery) and his head lags a little when you pull him up to sitting and he doesn't sit at all. He just folds in half. That combined with the fact that he gets constipated so easily and frequently suggests that there might be something wrong with his thyroid. So he has to have his blood drawn. That's right. Drawn. Not just a little heel stick. Full on needle in the arm, several viles later, drawn. I'm completely beside myself about this. I was a total wreck when I had to take him in to get his heel poked when he was 5 days old. (the fact that I was 5 days post-partum may have had something to do with the COMPLETE meltdown I had at the hospital lab) I'm making Tavis go with me. I told him he was either going to have to do it for me or go with because I can't do it alone. I would like to change his diet a little and exercise him more and see where he is at 9 months, but Tavis thinks we should do it now.

So, boo. Other than that, not a whole lot to report. I totally can't get into the spirit of Christmas. Not sure why. Probably because we're more strapped for money this year than we have been in the past. Maybe it's because it hasn't snowed. I hate the snow but it does kind of help bring in the holiday spirit. Yes. I think that's the reason. No snow.

Wanna Laugh Your Butt Off?

.....go here. Be sure to read both "chapters".