I Know, I know. I Have Two Other Kids. Blah, Blah, Blah...

So I really don't have anything to blog about. I'm in a major funk lately. (I say "funk" because if I say "depression" my family worries.) You can tell from my previous post that I'm having a hard time without my dad. I really wish we could just fast forward the next few weeks...until February. Yeah...February would be nice. My birthday's the first day so let's hit the FF button and be done with the holidays and dark and dreary January!

OK, this really isn't going to be a "poor me" post. Probably more of a "Harley is so freakin' cute and here's all the cute stuff he does lately" post.

He says, "bye, hi, GEEEEZ!!!, mmm..mmm...mmm (which seriously has the tone of "don't want to"), dis (this)". There's probably more. But the one that's the funniest is GEEEEEZ!!! He says it at the appropriate times, too. Loud noise. Bump in the road. Dogs barking. Ya, it's adorable.

OH!!! He also says, "ho, ho, ho". He doesn't know who else says it but still. It's darling.

I outed Santa to him. I told him last year and this year that it's his dad and me. He'd have figured it out on Christmas morning anyway, since he's been with me when I've bought every single one of his gifts. Tavis has threatened me with....I got nothin'....if I out Santa next year.

Hey speaking of that. I have a 10 almost 11 year-old. Do you think he still believes? Last year he was on the fence about it. Had a lot of questions. This year he hasn't said a WORD about it. As if he knows but doesn't want to talk about it. I feel weird asking him what he wants Santa to bring him. I don't know why I feel weird. Even when he's a full-on "knower", I'll ask him what he wants Santa to bring him. How old were your kids when the cat got outa the bag? Avery, my 8 year-old, is still hip-deep in believing. It's so cute. I love it!

Harley's also addicted to the phone. He has to "talk" on the phone about ten times a day. During the Thanksgiving holiday he talked on anyone's phone he could get his hands on. At one point he got a "call", looked around the room, gave us a look as if we were making too much noise, and left the room. DeNae can vouch for this story. He gets my phone and punches the keys like he's texting. I have NO IDEA where he learned that from. Certainly not the obscene amounts of time I spend texting.

He literally undecorated our tree as fast as we got it decorated. The big kids would hang an ornament, he'd bring it back to me. Very helpful. So we had to make our tree look like this:

I put out less than half of my Christmas decorations because it would be an effort in futility. He and I watched Rudolph the other day and I loved it because I could recite the whole thing and he didn't yell at me to stop. In fact he liked it! I'm gonna watch Christmas Vacation with him next!

He's too tall. He can reach the top of the counters now. And bring me everything that's on them. Not that there's ever anything on my counters. They're always perfectly clean and free of clutter. Also, very helpful.

We got our first snow last week. (Finally. After it WARMED UP enough to snow!!!) He loved it! Why don't kids understand cold? He could go outside in his diaper alone and not miss a beat. Little frozen piggies and all. I got some cute pix of him in the first snow of the season. I like it right now. Talk to me in a couple weeks...oh wait! You won't have to because we're fast-forwarding, remember! YAY!

Do you ever do the thing where you start thinking, "my kids are totally getting the shaft this Christmas. I've gone through everything I've bought for them and ya, it's not much." So then you go out and buy a bumload of stuff and hit the panic button because now you're thinking, "crap, I've bought too much stuff for my kids." I knew you did. You're my kinda people!

Am I the only one who really doesn't want anything for Christmas this year? I really don't. There are plenty of things I'd like to have, sure. But I'm just not feeling like I want to spend the money on stuff just for the sake of having crap under the tree. I really and truly just want to be with my family. We're staying at my mom's on Christmas Eve. My sister Kim and her family will be there, too. This is all I need. Well, this and the rest of my siblings to be there! (I'm looking at you, DeNae.)

Alright. That's enough nonsense for one post. Are you all enjoying DeNae's salute to fudge? If you're not you MUST go over and enjoy yourself.

I Miss You, Dad

I miss my dad. I miss him so, so much. I miss his voice. I miss his warm hands. I miss his hairy arms. And his bald head. I miss the way he would blink really fast like he was batting his eyes. I miss his blue eyes. They were just like mine. The only two in our family that got 'em. I miss the dimple in his chin. I miss the way he'd say, "hi hun" every time I talked to him. And before we'd finish a phone conversation he'd say, "love you, too" even though I hadn't said it yet. I missed being able to cheer for the Yankees with him. And I missed watching the BYU/Utah game with him. I missed his too-long, lecture-the-family-via-blessing-on-the-food at Thanksgiving. I miss his texts asking me to bring his "motorcycle" out to see him. I even miss him sneaking Mountain Dew to Hayden.

I don't understand why he was taken from me so suddenly. I still need a dad. I still need his help to get registered for college. Because that was one thing he was emphatic about. He wanted me to become a teacher. Probably more than I want it.

I hate that he's gone. I hate it so bad. I hate that I will spend the rest of my life without him. I know he's still there. I know he's aware of me. I know he's so happy where he is and that there's nowhere he'd rather be. I can't imagine how glorious heaven is but my own selfish self would rather have him here.

No comments. I just needed to cleanse my soul a bit.