On Wednesday Hayden called me at 3:00 and said he was sick and needed to come home early. He knows the rule of coming home from school early: you will be in your room, in your bed for the entire evening. No t.v. No toys. No video games. Nothing but resting because you're "sick". You can read or do homework. That's it. So I remind him of this and ask if he really wants to use this "get out of school free card" when school ends in THIRTY MINUTES and he'll be banished to his room when he gets home. He decided (because I made him) to stay at school for the duration of the half-hour. Another rule of coming home early is that you must have already thrown up at school. Feeling like you're going to throw up is not good enough.
So he got home that day and, as miracles would have it, he felt fine! YAY! Last night he complained of not feeling well and asked if I could get him some Pepto. So I loaded him up with Pepto and sent him to bed. At midnight he came downstairs (as I was still up blogging) telling me he was so sick. He really didn't look good. He kept making a run for the toilet. His bed is up high so I made him a bed on his floor so he wouldn't have to climb down and run to the bathroom. (He's never been good at making it there, anyway. His younger sister, however, will get up in the middle of the night three times and throw up and then clean up the little bit she got on the carpet and the bathroom floor and you'll only find out about all of this in the morning when she tells you.) So after one more run to the bathroom (unproductive) he went to bed.
This morning he got up and was acting pretty much normal. Until I asked him how he was feeling. (Stomach clutch, squinty eyes, whiny voice) "A little better."
Had I not been an eye witness to the events of last night I would have called him a big, fat faker and sent him off to school. Mostly because it would have meant more of a battle between Tavis and me than Hayden and me. Tavis would have wanted me to make him go to school and would have given me no end of crap about it the whole day. Me. Not Hayden. Anyway, Hayden stayed home. And it's been a real pain in my butt. All I want to do is watch my DVR. But he has to come upstairs and tell me about every commercial he sees or give me a FULL account of a Sponge Bob episode.
It's driving me nuts!!! He insists on talking to me. It's bad enough that Tavis has been home a lot lately. I'm really missing my old routine of getting the kids off to school, sitting on the couch, texting, eating, texting some more, a little blogging (although I usually do that at night), watching tv, more texting, and getting some space cleared out of my DVR.
So far today I've heard about:
A commercial where the guy is telling all the students that a good career choice for them would be a puppeteer.
The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, ("oh wait, now that they have 'The Suite Life On Deck' I have to remember to say which one it is. Because you might get confused and not know if I'm talking about he original or the one where they're on a cruise ship.") where this Mia person is telling London something and she's really mean but London is so rich that she should be able to buy her way out of whatever it is that Mia is having her do...or something.
I honestly don't hear 80% of what he tells me. I know it's bad but I just can't do it. His stories last forever. OK, I know I do the same thing but my stories are really funny and interesting and awesome. His are all about, "this one time on Sponge Bob/Star Wars/ Suite Life/Family Guy (which just sends me right into a fury because that show is sooooo not for kids but his dad lets him watch it)."
Then he heard Harley (on the monitor) just start to stir so he goes up there and "entertains" him. Really? Because he does that and sometimes he goes back to sleep. So now he's up. Can't I just ignore my kids in peace???
Well, we made it through the day. I was able to learn a lot...
Did you know that when Yoda fights with anyone it's always Christmas colors? Did you know that on Legos Star Wars (the video game) Yoda walks so slow (demonstrates taking teeny, tiny steps)? Did you know that if I have to hear one more thing about Star Wars I'm going to rip every singe strand of hair out of my head??
He had a basketball game today. He plays for the Jr. Jazz. Does every state have a "Jr. ..." program? i.e. Jr. Knicks? Jr. Heat? Jr. Celtics? Anyway, it's a really good program for kids. He's not very good but he really likes it and improved 100% from his first game last week. They don't keep score (lame) and they don't call fouls (even lamer) but the kids really have a good time and learn the fundamentals of the game.
Hope you all have a good weekend! Oh, and for a really fun post go here. It's my sister and she's hilarious!
PS In all fairness to Hayden I can probably count on one hand the times I stayed/came home from school when I was actually sick. Except that time I had cancer during my junior year. I wasn't faking then.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
I Don't Even Know What to Call This Post Because I Want to Use a Swear Word That Starts With "A"
My sister Kim called (actually she texted) yesterday and said she was in town and asked if I wanted to go meet our mom for lunch. It was going to be a surprise for my mom because she didn't know Kim was in town. My mom works at the headquarters for the LDS (Mormon) church. It's the tallest building in Utah, boasting 26 floors. (So far, none of this has much to do with the story. That's how most of my stories go. Just ask my husband. I tell stories that last too long. I just like to paint a picture in your head. I want you to SEE what I'm telling you.)
So I drive up to Salt Lake with Harley. My mom said I had to come up to her floor so everyone could see how cute he's gotten. When I got there a gal she works with (not Cheryl) came out of her cubicle to see Harley. He was in his stroller and wearing his overalls which made him look older for some reason. Well this woman asks how old is he.
"He's 7 1/2 months", I tell her.
"NO. WAY. You're kidding me. I would have guessed 15-18 months at LEAST!!!"
Me: "Nope. Not even 8 months, yet."
Her: "HE'S HUGE!!!!!"
K, he's really not. He's tall, yes. But he's not chunky. He's got a full mop of really blond hair which might make him look older but TEN months older? I don't think so.
So then another gal comes by and is looking upon his adorableness and the first woman says, "how old do you think he is?"
She says, "I'd say about 8 months."
(Exactly)
First woman: "You think so? No way. He looks way older than that. He's so big!!!"
At this point I'm just feeling embarrassed for this woman because she's just making a jackass out of herself (that's the swear word I wanted to use in the title). Then we start talking about his name. My mom says, "this is our little Harley David."
Woman: "WHAT??? You didn't. How do you spell it?"
Me: "Exactly the way it should be spelled. Just like the motorcycle."
Her: "You didn't really do that to him, did you?"
Me: "Yes. I didn't want him to have to spell his name for people his whole life, so I spelled it the way it sounds." (My first two kids have a last name that is spelled NOTHING like how it sounds so I did them the same favor. I spelled their first names just how they should be spelled because they will have to spell their last name for people their whole lives. My wish for my daughter is that she marries a guy with the last name of "Smith" or something.)
So she proceeds to go on and on about how could I do that to him and he's the biggest baby ever. Why do people feel like they can say that kind of stuff? Clearly, this woman is lacking in social skills. (My mother has told me many a story.) But come on!! Is it because Harley doesn't understand what she's saying about him? Was she trying to be funny? Fortunately, I have a very thick skin and I KNOW Harley is absolutely adorable and I KNOW he's tall but he's not a giant and I KNOW he's got a name that's a little unusual (don't worry, my last name isn't "son") so I didn't get offended. His name has a meaning behind it. On Tav's and my first date we went for a ride on his Harley. It was the most perfect first date in the history of first dates. We rode over the Alpine Loop and stopped at Sundance at his cabin and ate dinner at the restaurant there. It was AWESOME! Since that day, (and still) my most favorite place to be in the whole world is behind Tavis on the Harley. Tav's dad's name is David. Tavis always knew he'd give his first born son the middle name of David. So what if his first name ended up being Harley? Is that OUR fault? Oh. I guess, technically, it is.
In this life we're given just a very few privileges. Naming our kids whatever we want to name this is one of them. Giving people a rack of crap about those names, is not.
So I drive up to Salt Lake with Harley. My mom said I had to come up to her floor so everyone could see how cute he's gotten. When I got there a gal she works with (not Cheryl) came out of her cubicle to see Harley. He was in his stroller and wearing his overalls which made him look older for some reason. Well this woman asks how old is he.
"He's 7 1/2 months", I tell her.
"NO. WAY. You're kidding me. I would have guessed 15-18 months at LEAST!!!"
Me: "Nope. Not even 8 months, yet."
Her: "HE'S HUGE!!!!!"
K, he's really not. He's tall, yes. But he's not chunky. He's got a full mop of really blond hair which might make him look older but TEN months older? I don't think so.
So then another gal comes by and is looking upon his adorableness and the first woman says, "how old do you think he is?"
She says, "I'd say about 8 months."
(Exactly)
First woman: "You think so? No way. He looks way older than that. He's so big!!!"
At this point I'm just feeling embarrassed for this woman because she's just making a jackass out of herself (that's the swear word I wanted to use in the title). Then we start talking about his name. My mom says, "this is our little Harley David."
Woman: "WHAT??? You didn't. How do you spell it?"
Me: "Exactly the way it should be spelled. Just like the motorcycle."
Her: "You didn't really do that to him, did you?"
Me: "Yes. I didn't want him to have to spell his name for people his whole life, so I spelled it the way it sounds." (My first two kids have a last name that is spelled NOTHING like how it sounds so I did them the same favor. I spelled their first names just how they should be spelled because they will have to spell their last name for people their whole lives. My wish for my daughter is that she marries a guy with the last name of "Smith" or something.)
So she proceeds to go on and on about how could I do that to him and he's the biggest baby ever. Why do people feel like they can say that kind of stuff? Clearly, this woman is lacking in social skills. (My mother has told me many a story.) But come on!! Is it because Harley doesn't understand what she's saying about him? Was she trying to be funny? Fortunately, I have a very thick skin and I KNOW Harley is absolutely adorable and I KNOW he's tall but he's not a giant and I KNOW he's got a name that's a little unusual (don't worry, my last name isn't "son") so I didn't get offended. His name has a meaning behind it. On Tav's and my first date we went for a ride on his Harley. It was the most perfect first date in the history of first dates. We rode over the Alpine Loop and stopped at Sundance at his cabin and ate dinner at the restaurant there. It was AWESOME! Since that day, (and still) my most favorite place to be in the whole world is behind Tavis on the Harley. Tav's dad's name is David. Tavis always knew he'd give his first born son the middle name of David. So what if his first name ended up being Harley? Is that OUR fault? Oh. I guess, technically, it is.
In this life we're given just a very few privileges. Naming our kids whatever we want to name this is one of them. Giving people a rack of crap about those names, is not.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Funny You Should Ask...
So, Jen at Sprite's Keeper did this for me. She had the same type of post and sent the offer to have her interview me (well, everyone, but I like to think that it was mostly for me.). In case you're wondering if I have a blog-crush on her...yes. Yes I do.
1. If you could invent an easy fix (just one) for anything in your life, what would it be and how would it change things?
I would invent a money tree. It would be the same species of tree that I have in my front yard, because it's HUGE, but it would also grow money. I'd put it in my back yard behind the play area to provide much needed shade in the summer (this is where the HUGE part comes in). It would drop all its leaves in the fall so my husband could take the winter off and we could travel. We'd also be able to afford to take a teacher with us (my sister, maybe?) to continue to educate the kids and every couple of weeks we'd fly their dad to wherever we are and fly Tav's kids to us. Once. I'm kidding!!! Twice.
I know that money certainly doesn't buy happiness. But having it sure does make your life easier!
2. You have been given a large sum of money, $500,000.00. Here's the catch: you can't keep it and you can't donate it. You must buy something with it, but for someone else in your family. Who would you buy for and what would you buy?
This is a no-brainer. (Of course I don't need to keep the money for myself because I have a money tree!) I'd pay off my mom and dad's house and all their debt. If there was anything left I'd get my mom a Jaguar and my dad the Ford truck of his choice. Then they could enjoy retirement (my mom could retire) and travel with us in the winter. Maybe they don't have that much debt (I'm guessing $250,000) so then I'd give each of my siblings $40,000 that they HAVE to put toward their mortgages. That eats up another $200,000. With the last $50,000 I'd take my whole family...siblings, nieces, nephews, parents, my kids, Romeo and me on a cruise. We'd go to Greece (because I'm paying for it and I get to choose, that's why). Wait. That's a lot of people. Maybe better just give $30,000 for their mortgage because a family cruise is more important than getting ahead in life.
Either that, or give the rest to my parents so they'd have enough for the rest of their lives which I'm hoping is a long time (but if it ends up being too long I'd be able to put them in a REALLY NICE rest home).
3. You have the opportunity to erase one embarrassing moment from your memory. What would you erase? (Why is optional.)
Wow. OK, I'm really lame at this question. I'm not sure which is more accurate about me but I either have too much pride or none at all because I really don't remember getting embarrassed. I guess if anything "embarrassing" has ever happened to me (like the time I was seven months pregnant with my first child and I got REALLY consti...plugged up and I came out the bathroom at my sister's house and told my mom we needed to go to the hospital because "it won't come out" and then my two brothers-in-law had to go get me and enema and suppositories because my husband at the time wasn't there) I just laughed it off or found a way to make everyone else laugh about it.
4. Imagine that you had your dream job. What are you doing? What hours are you working? How much do you think your salary SHOULD be?
I do have my dream job. I stay home. (That's what I'm supposed to say, right?) I really want to be a school teacher. Very unglamorous, I know. I just think it's a really good job for moms to have. Have the same hours and days off as your kids. Plus, you get to listen to the hilarious things kids say. I'd want to teach kindergarten, 1st or 2nd grade. After that, they stop being as cute (I can say that because I have a 4th grader). My hours would be the typical school day hours and nothing more. (My sister works a lot at home. I don't want to do that.) My salary would be all the hugs and success of the little ones. BAAAAA!!! Oh, that was good. It would be $1,000,000 a year. What? It says what my salary should be? Oh. Um. Probably $60,000/year.
5. What is the one luxury you can absolutely not live without and why not?
I was going to say toilet paper. But I think that's more of a necessity than a luxury. So I'm going with my hugging pillow. Wait. That's a necessity, too. Um...my DVR. Definitely my DVR. How else would I be able to record and watch every single "King of Queens" rerun? Or be able to put my kids to bed at 8:30 without missing a second of "Desperate Housewives"? Yes, for sure my DVR. Oh crap. I just thought of unlimited texting on my cell phone plan. But no...that's another necessity.
1. If you could invent an easy fix (just one) for anything in your life, what would it be and how would it change things?
I would invent a money tree. It would be the same species of tree that I have in my front yard, because it's HUGE, but it would also grow money. I'd put it in my back yard behind the play area to provide much needed shade in the summer (this is where the HUGE part comes in). It would drop all its leaves in the fall so my husband could take the winter off and we could travel. We'd also be able to afford to take a teacher with us (my sister, maybe?) to continue to educate the kids and every couple of weeks we'd fly their dad to wherever we are and fly Tav's kids to us. Once. I'm kidding!!! Twice.
I know that money certainly doesn't buy happiness. But having it sure does make your life easier!
2. You have been given a large sum of money, $500,000.00. Here's the catch: you can't keep it and you can't donate it. You must buy something with it, but for someone else in your family. Who would you buy for and what would you buy?
This is a no-brainer. (Of course I don't need to keep the money for myself because I have a money tree!) I'd pay off my mom and dad's house and all their debt. If there was anything left I'd get my mom a Jaguar and my dad the Ford truck of his choice. Then they could enjoy retirement (my mom could retire) and travel with us in the winter. Maybe they don't have that much debt (I'm guessing $250,000) so then I'd give each of my siblings $40,000 that they HAVE to put toward their mortgages. That eats up another $200,000. With the last $50,000 I'd take my whole family...siblings, nieces, nephews, parents, my kids, Romeo and me on a cruise. We'd go to Greece (because I'm paying for it and I get to choose, that's why). Wait. That's a lot of people. Maybe better just give $30,000 for their mortgage because a family cruise is more important than getting ahead in life.
Either that, or give the rest to my parents so they'd have enough for the rest of their lives which I'm hoping is a long time (but if it ends up being too long I'd be able to put them in a REALLY NICE rest home).
3. You have the opportunity to erase one embarrassing moment from your memory. What would you erase? (Why is optional.)
Wow. OK, I'm really lame at this question. I'm not sure which is more accurate about me but I either have too much pride or none at all because I really don't remember getting embarrassed. I guess if anything "embarrassing" has ever happened to me (like the time I was seven months pregnant with my first child and I got REALLY consti...plugged up and I came out the bathroom at my sister's house and told my mom we needed to go to the hospital because "it won't come out" and then my two brothers-in-law had to go get me and enema and suppositories because my husband at the time wasn't there) I just laughed it off or found a way to make everyone else laugh about it.
4. Imagine that you had your dream job. What are you doing? What hours are you working? How much do you think your salary SHOULD be?
I do have my dream job. I stay home. (That's what I'm supposed to say, right?) I really want to be a school teacher. Very unglamorous, I know. I just think it's a really good job for moms to have. Have the same hours and days off as your kids. Plus, you get to listen to the hilarious things kids say. I'd want to teach kindergarten, 1st or 2nd grade. After that, they stop being as cute (I can say that because I have a 4th grader). My hours would be the typical school day hours and nothing more. (My sister works a lot at home. I don't want to do that.) My salary would be all the hugs and success of the little ones. BAAAAA!!! Oh, that was good. It would be $1,000,000 a year. What? It says what my salary should be? Oh. Um. Probably $60,000/year.
5. What is the one luxury you can absolutely not live without and why not?
I was going to say toilet paper. But I think that's more of a necessity than a luxury. So I'm going with my hugging pillow. Wait. That's a necessity, too. Um...my DVR. Definitely my DVR. How else would I be able to record and watch every single "King of Queens" rerun? Or be able to put my kids to bed at 8:30 without missing a second of "Desperate Housewives"? Yes, for sure my DVR. Oh crap. I just thought of unlimited texting on my cell phone plan. But no...that's another necessity.
Thanks, Jen! This was fun! If anyone wants to do this too, please do! And let me know in the comments that you've done it so I can read yours!
Friday, January 9, 2009
Clarification
It may appear that I'm sad/depressed about my guilt list. Let me clear that up for you. I'm not. Yes, I do have plenty of things I feel guilty about but I don't wallow in them for very long. I only feel guilty about those things when I think of them, which isn't often. And, oddly enough, the guilt quickly leaves. These are only glimpses of guilt. There are only a few things on that list that I actually intend to do anything about. Fixing dinner, be a better house keeper, go to church, visit parents. The rest are things I'm probably never going change and I'm over it.
So now you can all sleep better. I know worrying about me has kept you up nights. I appreciate it, but, really...I'm just fine!
PS You'll notice the obscene amounts of time I spend texting didn't make the list. Maybe it should have? Oh great. Now I feel guilty for texti...wait...I'm over it. See how that works?
So now you can all sleep better. I know worrying about me has kept you up nights. I appreciate it, but, really...I'm just fine!
PS You'll notice the obscene amounts of time I spend texting didn't make the list. Maybe it should have? Oh great. Now I feel guilty for texti...wait...I'm over it. See how that works?
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Just Say it, Already
Y'know? In this day and age of blogging and email, it seems like real communication is a lost art. People don't talk anymore. They blog. They email. They facebook. Does anyone use their voice? We get family updates via the email. We see pictures of our nieces and nephews on their blog. We get to see our neighbor breast feeding her baby on her profile picture. (Seriously, why would you want a picture of you nursing your baby on your facebook?)
People are even doing their Christmas cards on their blogs these days. And while this may be more environmentally friendly, where's the personal touch? It all just kind of seems a little cold.
From now on, if you want to update me on your life. If you want to tell me about little Billy or Suzie going off to pre-school. If you have anything of great importance to say to me...PLEASE...
...pick up your dang phone, and text me!
People are even doing their Christmas cards on their blogs these days. And while this may be more environmentally friendly, where's the personal touch? It all just kind of seems a little cold.
From now on, if you want to update me on your life. If you want to tell me about little Billy or Suzie going off to pre-school. If you have anything of great importance to say to me...PLEASE...
...pick up your dang phone, and text me!
Monday, January 5, 2009
Spin Cycle: We've Got Nothing to be Guilty Of.
OK, this is the first time I've done this. I'm trying to fit in with the cool east coast bloggers. (It's a long shot. I know.) So Jen, from Sprite's Keeper, (s0 cute!!!) does this on her blog and I wanna get in on the action. This week's spin is guilt.
Wow. Where to begin. There are so many things in my life that I feel guilty about (doing or not doing). Here's my list:
Wow. Where to begin. There are so many things in my life that I feel guilty about (doing or not doing). Here's my list:
- I feel guilty about not fixing dinner for my family and husband every night. (Don't get me wrong. We eat every night. It's just usually Ramen or tomato soup for the kids and something equally as unexciting for Romeo.)
- I feel guilty for not keeping a cleaner house and for not keeping up with the laundry.
- I feel guilty for having that feeling come over me when I see my kids walk up the sidewalk after getting home from school. They've been gone all day. I should be so excited to see them. But it mostly just makes me feel guilty for...
- ...having spent the entire day in my pj's and having not taken a shower yet and it's 4:00 in the afternoon.
- I feel guilty when I don't offer Harley any solid food the entire day. He gets a bottle of formula with cereal mixed in it but it's mostly a thick bottle, rather than a solid meal. (This doesn't happen but maybe once a week.)
- And since we're on the subject of solid foods...I feel guilty for feeding Harley said solids through one of those bottle feeder things instead of with a spoon.
- I feel guilty for not calling/visiting my grandma more often. She's 95 and isn't likely to be around much longer.
- I feel guilty for not visiting my parents more often.
- I feel guilty for not calling my friend more...or ever.
- I feel guilty about eating unhealthily because it's set a bad example for my kids.
- I feel guilty for not going to church more...or ever.
- I feel guilty when I take a nap when my house isn't clean...which is every time I take a nap.
- I feel guilty when I read some one's blog and I don't leave a comment. I feel like if you're there, you should let them know about it. (Blogger's note: This one really only applies to me! Please don't feel guilty if you come here and don't comment. I really DO LOVE comments but I'll never know if you were here and didn't comment. I didn't mean to add more guilt to your list by implying that you should comment or I'll die. It's true, though.)
- I feel guilty when I knowingly don't remind my 4th grader to do his homework because I HATE doing homework...
- I feel guilty for HATING to do homework with my kids.
- I feel guilty for having my TV on All. Day. Long.
- I feel guilty for making all the other moms out there feel bad because my baby is the cutest baby that ever babied. (I'm kidding!!! I'm supposed to think he's the cutest, right?)
Well there you have it. I'm sure there's more but I can't think of them. Jen said that guilt weighs 2 pounds per issue so that means I should lose 34 ell bees by the time I get over these things! YAY ME!!!
Now you're all tagged. Get spinning!
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Funny Things My Kids Have Said
I hope you all had a happy and safe New Year's Eve. We did. Tavis and I were talking last night and we decided that the only really good thing that happened in 2008 was having Harley. The rest of the year can kiss our...well let's just hope 2009 is much better.
OK, for a long time I've thought I need to jot down the funny things my kids say or I'll forget them. Until now, I didn't really have a place to put 'em. I know, I could get a journal, but...snore! So, here's couple stories for your reading enjoyment. You're welcome.
When Avery was 4 she would come in my room every morning (I was single at the time) (that has nothing to do with this story, just thought I'd throw that in there.) and ask me to fix her a waffle.
So one morning she came in and got in bed with me (maybe the single part applies here. No? Huh. OK.) and says, "mama? Will you fix me a..." and I interrupted her and whispered in her ear, "fix me a waffle?"
She said, "I can't fix you a waffle!"
Me: "Why not?"
Avery: "Because. I'm a baby girl (that's what I call her..."baby girl") and you're a grown-up. You have the BIG eyes and REAL glasses and you dwive (she still can't say her "r's"). And I'm a goowl (how do you type "girl" with the "w" sound?) and I cwy a lot so, I'm a baby girl".
Moving on a couple of months:
When Tavis and I were dating he lived in a cabin at Sundance. It's absolutely beautiful there and was an awesome place to fall in love. I lived in Tooele (for those of you who're not from Utah...Vodka Mom, Jen, that's about 35 miles west of SLC and is pronounced to-ILL-ah. It's Native American. Yeah.) and he was working in Logan (that's like...a lot of miles north of Salt Lake and Sundance is where Robert Redford has his resort) so we'd meet each other on the weekends at his cabin and have little, mini vacays. It was awesome! So the first time I introduced my kids to Tavis, we went to the cabin for the weekend. It was in October. Tavis taught Hayden how to fish. We did a "haunted train ride" on the Heber Creeper. We roasted marshmallows on the deck. It was way fun.
So Saturday morning, Tavis and I were downstairs and the kids were upstairs. We could hear them start to wake up and talk a little and all of a sudden..."SQUIRREL!!!!!!!!! ....thud, thud, thud, thud, thud". Have you ever seen National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation? At the end when Clark has a squirrel on his back and his dad yells, "squirrel!!"? That's what it sounded like. Then footsteps running to the glass sliding door that led out to the deck. My city-slicker son was seeing a squirrel for the first time up close and personal. It was one of the funniest things we've ever heard. (Side note: my kids really are city kids. On our way up the canyon Avery was literally scared of the trees. Literally.)
OK, moving on:
When Tavis and I got married we each had a queen-sized bed. We put mine in Avery's room and put Tav's in our room. As time went by Tavis decided that he hated our mattress and liked Avery's better. He wanted to switch mattresses. So one morning Avery came and got in bed with me (not single now. Did you pick up on that?) and said, "why is your bed more comfortable than mine?"
I said, "dad actually likes your bed better. He wants to switch our beds."
Avery said so sweetly, and innocently and EMPHATICALLY, "I'm not sleeping with Tavis!!!".
One more:
When I was pregnant with Harley I was trying to explain to my kids how big the baby was, what he looked like, etc. I worked in an x-ray department at a hospital for a couple of years and I'd seen many a fetus on ultrasound and I knew what each stage of development looked like. So I was telling the kids that the baby was about the size of a gummy bear and that it actually looked a lot like a gummy bear. With little arm buds and leg buds.
Avery: "You should swallow a gummy bear. Like don't chew it. And when it gets into your tummy the baby will be all 'Hiiiiiiii. Wanna be friends?' And then the baby would be say, 'hey! Hey you! Why won't you talk to me?'"
Actually, the story of when I told the kids I was pregnant is kind of a cute story. What? You're bored with stories about my kids? Tough.
Tavis was out of town when I found out I was pregnant. I like to take the kids to dinner when he's gone because he doesn't like to eat out and I don't like to cook. On our way to the restaurant I asked the kids if they thought 9 months was a long time or a short time. "Long time". School had just started like 3 or 4 weeks earlier so I asked them if they thought the end of the school year (as I was due May 30th) was a long time away or a short time. "Long time." So I decided to forget telling them for a "long time". We went to the kids' favorite place to eat. A Chinese buffet because they can get 25 refills on their egg-drop soup. And have some sweet and sour chicken, too. At the end of our meal we got our fortune cookies. Mine and Hayden's were lame. But Avery's said, "A short stranger will soon come into your life with blessings to share". Huh. I asked the kids if babies were short or tall. "Short."
Me: "I'm having one."
Kids: "Having what?"
Me: "A baby."
Hayden: "Are you serious? Are you? You are? Are you serious?"
Avery (who was already sitting next to me): "I wanna talk to it." (lays her head on my tummy) "Hi baby. How are you?"
Seriously, it was one of the sweetest moments I've ever had with my older babies. Being pregnant while having two older kids was really fun. They were so interested in what baby was doing. They went with us for the ultrasound when we found out the gender. I could tell it was a boy (either because I'd seen so many ultrasounds or because...y'know...it was that obvious...or both) before the doctor even told us it was a boy. Hayden was so excited. Tavis and Avery both cried. Same reason. Different emotions. She was PIS**D!!! But not to worry. She loves her baby brother soooo much!
Thanks for reading to the end. My kids have pretty dang awesome senses of humor so I'm sure there will be more to amuse you (and by "you" I mean "me").
OK, for a long time I've thought I need to jot down the funny things my kids say or I'll forget them. Until now, I didn't really have a place to put 'em. I know, I could get a journal, but...snore! So, here's couple stories for your reading enjoyment. You're welcome.
When Avery was 4 she would come in my room every morning (I was single at the time) (that has nothing to do with this story, just thought I'd throw that in there.) and ask me to fix her a waffle.
So one morning she came in and got in bed with me (maybe the single part applies here. No? Huh. OK.) and says, "mama? Will you fix me a..." and I interrupted her and whispered in her ear, "fix me a waffle?"
She said, "I can't fix you a waffle!"
Me: "Why not?"
Avery: "Because. I'm a baby girl (that's what I call her..."baby girl") and you're a grown-up. You have the BIG eyes and REAL glasses and you dwive (she still can't say her "r's"). And I'm a goowl (how do you type "girl" with the "w" sound?) and I cwy a lot so, I'm a baby girl".
Moving on a couple of months:
When Tavis and I were dating he lived in a cabin at Sundance. It's absolutely beautiful there and was an awesome place to fall in love. I lived in Tooele (for those of you who're not from Utah...Vodka Mom, Jen, that's about 35 miles west of SLC and is pronounced to-ILL-ah. It's Native American. Yeah.) and he was working in Logan (that's like...a lot of miles north of Salt Lake and Sundance is where Robert Redford has his resort) so we'd meet each other on the weekends at his cabin and have little, mini vacays. It was awesome! So the first time I introduced my kids to Tavis, we went to the cabin for the weekend. It was in October. Tavis taught Hayden how to fish. We did a "haunted train ride" on the Heber Creeper. We roasted marshmallows on the deck. It was way fun.
So Saturday morning, Tavis and I were downstairs and the kids were upstairs. We could hear them start to wake up and talk a little and all of a sudden..."SQUIRREL!!!!!!!!! ....thud, thud, thud, thud, thud". Have you ever seen National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation? At the end when Clark has a squirrel on his back and his dad yells, "squirrel!!"? That's what it sounded like. Then footsteps running to the glass sliding door that led out to the deck. My city-slicker son was seeing a squirrel for the first time up close and personal. It was one of the funniest things we've ever heard. (Side note: my kids really are city kids. On our way up the canyon Avery was literally scared of the trees. Literally.)
OK, moving on:
When Tavis and I got married we each had a queen-sized bed. We put mine in Avery's room and put Tav's in our room. As time went by Tavis decided that he hated our mattress and liked Avery's better. He wanted to switch mattresses. So one morning Avery came and got in bed with me (not single now. Did you pick up on that?) and said, "why is your bed more comfortable than mine?"
I said, "dad actually likes your bed better. He wants to switch our beds."
Avery said so sweetly, and innocently and EMPHATICALLY, "I'm not sleeping with Tavis!!!".
One more:
When I was pregnant with Harley I was trying to explain to my kids how big the baby was, what he looked like, etc. I worked in an x-ray department at a hospital for a couple of years and I'd seen many a fetus on ultrasound and I knew what each stage of development looked like. So I was telling the kids that the baby was about the size of a gummy bear and that it actually looked a lot like a gummy bear. With little arm buds and leg buds.
Avery: "You should swallow a gummy bear. Like don't chew it. And when it gets into your tummy the baby will be all 'Hiiiiiiii. Wanna be friends?' And then the baby would be say, 'hey! Hey you! Why won't you talk to me?'"
Actually, the story of when I told the kids I was pregnant is kind of a cute story. What? You're bored with stories about my kids? Tough.
Tavis was out of town when I found out I was pregnant. I like to take the kids to dinner when he's gone because he doesn't like to eat out and I don't like to cook. On our way to the restaurant I asked the kids if they thought 9 months was a long time or a short time. "Long time". School had just started like 3 or 4 weeks earlier so I asked them if they thought the end of the school year (as I was due May 30th) was a long time away or a short time. "Long time." So I decided to forget telling them for a "long time". We went to the kids' favorite place to eat. A Chinese buffet because they can get 25 refills on their egg-drop soup. And have some sweet and sour chicken, too. At the end of our meal we got our fortune cookies. Mine and Hayden's were lame. But Avery's said, "A short stranger will soon come into your life with blessings to share". Huh. I asked the kids if babies were short or tall. "Short."
Me: "I'm having one."
Kids: "Having what?"
Me: "A baby."
Hayden: "Are you serious? Are you? You are? Are you serious?"
Avery (who was already sitting next to me): "I wanna talk to it." (lays her head on my tummy) "Hi baby. How are you?"
Seriously, it was one of the sweetest moments I've ever had with my older babies. Being pregnant while having two older kids was really fun. They were so interested in what baby was doing. They went with us for the ultrasound when we found out the gender. I could tell it was a boy (either because I'd seen so many ultrasounds or because...y'know...it was that obvious...or both) before the doctor even told us it was a boy. Hayden was so excited. Tavis and Avery both cried. Same reason. Different emotions. She was PIS**D!!! But not to worry. She loves her baby brother soooo much!
Thanks for reading to the end. My kids have pretty dang awesome senses of humor so I'm sure there will be more to amuse you (and by "you" I mean "me").
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