Tavis and Amber

What The Aitch Ee Double Toothpick?

2011-04-06T12:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Harley and I had been at the store. He knows that when we're done, he can ride the Dumbo thing outside. Parked in front of the Dumbo were two children's bikes. This is a picture of one of them.

Now I ask you: What's wrong with this picture?

Ugh!!! I Don't Wanna!!!

2011-03-30T13:13:00.000-07:00

Theoretically, this:

Plus this:

Minus this:

Equals this:

(That's me, being happy.)

But it doesn't.

And, I can't put it off much longer. My "baby" will be three in just under 2 months. It's time I got serious about potty training him. I can't even begin to tell you how much I don't want to do this. I'm not good at it, for one thing. I potty trained Hayden right at his 3rd birthday. It took about a week. I'm pretty sure Avery potty trained herself. I'm embarrassed to admit that I have zero recollection of training her. It was during the time that I was splitting up from her dad and I honestly don't remember anything about her potty training. Maybe her grandma did it? Maybe I did it and just have blocked it from my memory? No idea. What I do know is that she doesn't wear diapers now, so it must have happened.

It doesn't matter, anyway. Because I know how to potty train a girl. I own the equipment required for pottying like a girl. It's this other equipment that has me scratching my head. In my home, the males stand to number 1. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE it if they sat but they don't. I know plenty of men who are quite masculine who sit to do this but, my husband refuses and so do the boys. Ok, fine.

So what do I do? I'm the primary trainer of the potty for Harley, but I sit. So he sits. But when he watches dad, he gets another lesson. I know he's going to be a stander. It's inevitable. And as long as he learns to either aim or wipe up, it's fine.

And it's not just the training I'm not looking forward to. It's the "once they're trained" thing I'm dreading, too. Because now it's a mad-dash to the restroom every single time he's got an inkling. Grocery shopping? Put down the gallon of milk, grab your purse and child and make a bee line for the bathroom. At the mall? Race to get dressed again in the fitting room, apologize to the sales girl and bolt to the nearest facility. Driving in the car? Pull over and try to convince your little one that "it's ok, it won't actually freeze and break off in the short amount of time we'll (hopefully) be out here, now try to relax and just goooo".

As if all that weren't enough pressure, I've got my mother in the background telling me she "had us all potty trained by the time we were two!!!" (One child, in particular, was exceptionally show-offy and was potty trained by the time she was seventeen months.) The oldest of my mother's children to get it done was something like 26 months. I'm pretty sure that if I was dealing with freakin' cloth diapers, I'd have them trained before they left the womb, too, but these days it's just too easy to leave them in their Huggies until they go off to college.

I know that 90% of this is going to be training me. But what are your suggestions for the other 10%? What worked best for you? What absolutely didn't work? Would you be willing to come get my boy for the next week and train him for me? I solicit any and all advice. I know this is something people have very strong opinions on this subject so feel free!!

There's going to be a lot of weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth, I just know it. Oh, and Harley's probably not going to like it, either.

In Which I Get Over Myself

2011-03-17T05:00:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday a guy came and posted a flier on my door. It said they'd be working on the sewer something-or-other thing on Thursday (today) and not only did we need to make sure our vehicles were off the street by 6:30 AM but starting at 7:00 AM we'd be without water. For ten-twelve hours. TEN to TWELVE HOURS!!!! Now, I don't know about you but to me, that's all freaking day!!! I quickly called Tavis to tell him of this ridiculous thing but he didn't answer. So my next best thing was to fire off a text to my bestie and tell her the city of Pleasant Grove actually expects me to go all day without water.

"How can they ask that of people?" Say, I. "I have a child! How can I go all day without water when I have a CHILD???" I asked. "Why can't they work on it for a few hours one day, and a few hours the next day?" I whined. "This is inSANE! They can't do this to people!"

Her reply? "Well, just hope none of you has to go #2." (True, dat!)

"But what about the toilet paper from #1? Just throw it away? GROSS!!"

And then I went to check my email.

And by so doing, I had to see MSN's home page.

Where I saw that thousands of people in Japan had been without water for almost a week. With no end in sight for some places. And as I lamented over my horrible misfortune and I thought maybe I should go spend the day in Stansbury with my sister, I saw that thousands of people didn't have a home anymore. Didn't have a job because the factory where the work has been destroyed. My biggest complaint was that my family wasn't going to be able to shower or flush the toilet for twelve hours and yet there are thousands of people who are still looking for members of their family.

So last night I filled up several pans of water and set them out so I wouldn't have to suffer without water today.

And then I got the hell over myself.

Actual Conversation. Again.

2011-02-15T14:19:00.000-08:00

While Harley took a bath the other day, his toy fell out of the tub and this conversation happened.) (I know this is two "actual conversations" in a row. Sorry.)

Harley: Mama, my toy fell.

Me: Oh, darn it.

Harley: Darn it.....dammit.

Me: Buddy, don't say "dammit".

Harley: Ok, darn it....don't say "oh man?"

Me: Yes, you can say "oh man."

Harley: Ok...Oh man!!!

Actual Conversation

2011-02-05T23:18:00.000-08:00

(Harley and I ate lunch with my mom on Tuesday((MY BIRTHDAY!!)). After dropping her off back at work, this conversation took place.)

Harley: Where's grandma's dad?

Me: Uh...he's with Jesus.

Harley: Huh???

Me: He's in heaven with Jesus.

Harley: I want my Baby Jesus.

I freaking LOVE this kid.

It's The Little Things

2011-01-18T11:03:00.000-08:00

For the past week we've been dealing with the flu. Full on, swab the brain through the nose, diagnosed Influenza A. My little Harley.

You've never seen such a sad little boy. His eyes have been droopy. His voice has been so hoarse. He's been laying around. My typically non-complaintive baby has been super whiny. But still very sweet. He's had fevers as high as 103.5. We've bought Popsicles, push-pops, ice cream, apple juice, cranberry juice, Pedialyte. We've spent $30 for a new Vicks brand humidifier. $10 for a tub toy (What? He's sick and he wanted it. What was I supposed to say? No?? I didn't think so.). $50 for a prescription for Tamiflu. We've had more medicine end up on his shirt than in his tummy.

But today. Today he peed through his diaper and onto my sheets. And while this is usually very annoying because it means more laundry for me, today I'm grateful. It means his body isn't absorbing every single drop of fluid we put into it. He's not having a fever anymore. His nose is still a faucet. He's still coughing.

But today we had a very wet diaper and for that, I'm grateful. My lil' boy is on the mend.

How Close Was It?

2011-01-11T22:14:00.000-08:00

To ending up in the toilet?

(Harley runs off with my phone all the time. I was scrolling through my pictures last night and came across this one.)

That Was Just a Test

2011-01-06T13:02:00.001-08:00

If you saw that video post of me I'm sorry. It was a test to see if I could really do it. And it worked!!! But it was just me dinkin' around on my computer at my sister Kim's house.

I'm looking scary it in! I have no idea how it works once I delete a post if it had already shown up in your reader. So if you're able to still see it, again, I apologize for scaring you!

I love my cute computer!!! And I have a doozie of a story for a video post. I had the most hell-ish customer last night at work. It was literally all I could do to A: not cry and B: not ask him WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?????

But it's too long a story to type so I'll video it when I get a bra on and some make-up. Maybe not the bra.

Yay ME!!!

2010-12-29T14:42:00.000-08:00

Just a quick post to let you all know that today is my fifteen year anniversary of being cancer free!!!

BOOOOOOOO-YAAAAAAAH!!!!!!

It's also the eighteen year anniversary of the day I was diagnosed for the first time when I was 16. Crazy, huh? I had my surgery on Dec. 28th and was diagnose on the 29th. Had a month of tests. And started radiation therapy the day after my 17th birthday. Having kids now, I can't even imagine what my parents went through. How they must have wished they could take my place.

I finished radiation on April 16th. I missed half my junior year. Two years later in May, I was re-diagnosed. This time I was FILLED with cancer! I had it in my lymphnodes, kidneys, lungs, liver, spleen, blood, bone marrow, stomach....Every. Where. My doctor even made a motion that described tumors just floating in my body. Not even attached to anything. (This is where the video blog would come in handy, so I could show you!) I had a 30% chance of survival. I started the 7 months of chemotherapy that would actually make me gain weight. Yes, it took my hair and yes, there were days I felt really crappy but I could literally feel it making me well again. One treatment in, and I knew this was going to work. Many prayers were offered in my behalf. I was given an amazing blessing where my body was commanded to heal. And it did.

On December 29th, just a month before I turned 20 I finished my cancer experience. One of the worst experiences of my life, but probably the BEST experience for my life.

So today I'm grateful for the life I have. The only way my life could be any better is if my dad was still here with me. But all in all...it's pretty good. I know he's on the other side watching out for me.

Happy Anniversary to MEEEEEE!!!!!

Oh, Lookie There! It's A Blog!

2010-12-25T15:21:00.000-08:00

Oh hi there! Remember me? I'm the girl who used to blog but then my computer started being weird and then the holidays came and before I knew it, it'd been almost three months since my last post.

Today is Christmas day! It finally got here! And, like every single year, we got too much. This year I have no one to blame but myself. I did every single bit of shopping, wrapping, placing under the tree-ing, etc. Tavis did most of the earning, though.

I got a cute little netbook for Christmas! (DeNae it's just like yours only red.) It has a webcam so this is what my plan is: I'm going to start "vlogging". You see, I'm much funnier in person. In fact, I'm kinda the funniest "in person" person I know. But writing? Not so much. What do you think of this idea? The thing I don't think I'm gonna like about it is that I'll have to put on make-up to do a post. I hope it makes my posts more entertaining. And this way maybe you can see all of Harley's antics in live-action.

Ok, I'm off to visit family. I hope you all had a very happy Christmas. I know I sure did. Still missing my dad, but being with my family fills that hole in my heart.

Thanks for the computer, Tav!

How To Irritate Your Waitress. A List.

2010-10-04T12:33:00.000-07:00

Be teenagers.
Be old.
Be...well I better not say this one. It'll just get me in trouble.
Tell me you're ready to order and then proceed to discuss every single thing on the menu with the person or people you're out to dinner with. (I understand people have questions about the menu. If you'd like to discuss the menu with ME, I'm more than willing to do this. I also don't mind coming back when you're REALLY ready to order.)
Tell me you don't want anything to drink. Just water. (Since when is water not something to drink?)
Try to talk to me from your table while I'm talking to another table. (Really, this one shouldn't even have to go on the list but...you'd be surprised.)
We print a menu for a reason. Please don't try to play swippy-swappy with all the side dishes and this's and that's. (Actually, this one doesn't apply to me since I work at Outback. We have a "no rules approach" so we'll totally hook you up with pretty much whatever you want and we really will do it willingly and I can pretty much guarantee you won't pay extra or at least not too much. Yeah, Outback's that cool.)
If you don't want dessert, it's really OK. Really. You don't need to apologize. I mostly ask because they tell me too. Oh and because we have the freaking BEST chocolate sauce on the planet.
When the first thing you order is silverware, that's annoying. You don't even have any food on your table. Settle down. I promise I won't make you eat your steak with your hands.
If you change your mind on what you'd like to eat, that's totally fine. But could you please wait til I've finished talking to the person I'm currently talking to? (Really, didn't we learn this in, like, 8th grade or something?)
If you change your mind again, it really is OK. After all, you want to get your money's worth!
Don't have a conversation with me that starts with "so what if we couldn't pay?"
Sitting in my section that only consists of three tables to begin with for FOUR HOURS will seriously irritate me. I understand you work together and, therefore, don't get to see each other Every. Single. Day. but when you're my first table of my shift and you're still there when I get cut at the end of my shift, that's just rude. At least tip me well to somewhat compensate.
Obviously, I'm gonna have to talk about tipping. This part is more of a survey. How many of you go out to eat with a pretty good idea of how you're gonna tip? Regardless of service. Obviously, really bad service is going to get less of a tip. But I really believe that unless I leave your drinks completely empty all night, you're gonna tip me the same no matter what.
And speaking of tips. Verbal tips don't feed my children. Yes, I LOVE to hear, "you were so great! Thank you so much! You're the best waitress we've ever had!!! Here's your 5% tip!" but I make $2.13 an hour. Which pays my taxes. So...y'know.
Stiffing me is obviously going to irritate me/make me hope you wrap your car around a tree on the way home, causing your airbag to go off and therefore make you puke up your entire dinner. If you can't afford to eat out, go to McDonald's. Or Sizzler.
Please don't try to get free stuff. If your meal really wasn't good, that's one thing. But when you eat everything except one tiny bite and I then tell me it was no good...that's lame.
What's the deal with not wanting ice in your drinks? So many people are doing this lately! Am I missing something???

OK, now it's your turn. Tell me all the ways that I, your server, can irritate you.

Guess What I Found??

2010-09-22T21:15:00.000-07:00

The melted phone! I set it in a pan after I took it out of the oven and put cold water in it. I thought I'd thrown it away but when I went to do the dishes, there it was!!

Some of you asked if the potatoes were ruined and the answer is, no. I was only pre-heating the oven so I hadn't put them in yet. Thanks for your concern.

This is the back.

The Post That Almost Was

2010-09-21T10:55:00.000-07:00

My friend Shanna did a post about her oven rebelling against new and alien foods being placed in it and I commented on that post which then inspired me to make my comment be my own blog post. (Whew! Was that the longest run-on sentence ever, or what??!!)

I wanted to post about Harley and his oven escapades. (Yes, more escapading.) I wanted to tell about how he LOVES to put things in the oven (including himself, at times) (ok, so he mostly just stands on the door but when I say "he puts himself in the oven", it sounds funnier) and how I always have to check inside before I heat it up to make sure there are no treasures in there.

I was going to tell about how last night, I heated up the oven for the funeral potatoes I made to go along with the ribs I (helped) made for Tavis's birthday dinner. (When it's my birthday, we go out. When it's his birthday, I have to cook. Blah.) But I didn't check this time.

I wanted to tell about how we all know the smell of burning plastic is unmistakable and that when I opened the oven door I saw Harley's Lightning McQueen cel phone in there, all bubbled up.

I wanted to tell you all of these things but when I went to take a picture of the phone I realized I must have thrown it away, already.

So never mind.

Random, I Guess?

2010-09-04T07:00:00.000-07:00

Today is the one year anniversary of the last time I saw my dad alive. I'm kind of a wreck these days. The one year anniversary of his passing is rapidly approaching and it's gotten me all in a state.

Harley says the funniest things. Seriously, I know I say it a lot, but that kid is so freaking CUTE!!!

Any time we go over a bump in the road or a door slams or whatever he yells, "GEEZ, CAR!!" or "GEEZ DOOR!!!" So the other day we were in church and the deacons were handing the bread trays up to the priests. They clanged together and in the midst of the quiet Sacrament meeting Harley yells, "GEEZ BREAD!!!" A ha ha ha!!

The next Sunday, (last week) the passing of the Sacrament began and he says at full voice level, "EH WATER, COMIN'?" I whisper, "no, baby, it's the bread." Harley, "BREAD COMIN'?" Then after he takes his one piece he says, "I WANT MORE SAMMICH."

Remember when I told you about the old guy we scraped off the street? (Did I mention this guy was freaking ninety-two years old??) Well, a week later Harley and I went to his house to check on him and take him and his wife some cookies. We pulled up to the house and my TWO YEAR OLD says, "eh guy? Owie, eh head?" I know, right?? Just proving once again that he's kind of the coolest kid ever to have graced this earth.

School started and I guess I'm relieved. It's nice to be back on a schedule. After a rough first day for the boys things are looking like it's gonna be a good year. Did I already say the part about Tav's son living with us? He's 16. A junior. I was nervous at first, I won't lie. But it's been a lot better than I thought it would be. He helps a ton with babysitting Harley. And he and Hayden get along pretty good. My girl is left out a bit, so I need to make sure I give her as much of my time as possible.

And good things are happening around here.

That's it, I guess. Peace!

This One's For You, Karma

2010-09-02T13:21:00.000-07:00

(Don't worry. I've fallen behind on the laundry again.)

The other day I was out and about with my kids. I turned right, heading home, and then decided I wanted to go to the Verizon store to talk to them about my keypad wiggin' out. To get to Verizon I had to turn around. I turned down one street, then another, then another. On the third street I thought to myself, "why did I go down this street? I don't want to be on this street."

Just then I saw something that I wasn't sure I was really seeing. It was a man laying in the road. Y'know how sometimes it takes your eyes a couple seconds to decide if you're really seeing what you think you're seeing? Yeah, like that. So I pull over and tell Hayden to come help me. He was confused and I told him there was a man in the street back there! Of course he jumped out, eager to help (and by "help" I mean "get in on the action" but I wanted him to be a part of this).

The wind was blowing a storm in. Hard. It was only 60 degrees outside. The man had been taking his trash out when a gust came up and grabbed the trash can and him and knocked them both to the ground. I helped him sit up and he started scooting to the side of the road. He wanted to get up but I didn't think he should. His head was bleeding and running down his neck. I know enough medical stuff (after all, I did answer the phone in a radiology department for 3 years) to know that heads bleed a lot. If he hadn't been elderly I probably wouldn't have been as worried as I was. Finally his wife came outside and was all "oh no, not again!" We helped him stand up and I called an ambulance. By this time the rain was coming down and the wind continued. We got him to the garage and seated on a chair.

I was still talking to the dispatch lady and she told me she wanted me to stop the bleeding. I had Hayden run to the car to find some napkins but he couldn't find any. I ran over to the car and grabbed a (clean) diaper. Hey, they're absorbent, right? Slapped the diaper on his head and waited.

The paramedics got there and took over. They were so impressed with the diaper!!! YAY ME!! The one dude said that it was the most clever thing he'd ever seen! (I seriously learned that in like 7th grade health class. That and maxi pads.) They decided he was ok enough for his wife to take him to the hospital rather than ride in the ambulance.

I learned a week later when I stopped by to see him that he got 8 stitches and he'd be getting them out the next day.

OK, so here comes the Karma part!!

This past weekend I was on my way to Kohl's to get Harley some church clothes. (Actually, I was going to get him some "shiny pants". The kid LOVES his "shiny shoes". He's been wanting them for weeks because dad has them.) I got all the way to the store, looked around for my wallet and realized I had left it home. DAMMIT!!!

I started driving home when Tavis called me. He asked if I was missing something. I'm like, "yes! Did I leave my wallet home?" He's all, "uh no. You left it on your car and some guy just brought it to the house."

HOLY CRAP!!! I had just worked the night before so I had a bit of cash in there. Not to mention my ID and credit cards. But everything was still there. Untouched.

So thank you, Karma, for not screwing me like you usually do. It's about freakin' time!!!

The Update You've All Been Waiting For

2010-08-05T11:42:00.000-07:00

Recently my friend Annette Lyon posted on her Facebook that she was going to sort the laundry that was on her great room floor and DeNae was able to point out the post I did about laundry that was "so disturbing, so terrifying, it will torment you in your dreams" and Annette is still probably sleeping with the lights on. So I took matters into my own hands (as opposed to say...someone else's hands) and I got the situation handled!

Remember this?

Well get a LOAD (Get it? LOAD?) of THIS!!!!

Please stop staring at how lame and stupid my laundry "room" is. My house is old, k? The picture is supposed to depict the marked absence of clothes on the floor. It's been almost two years since that post but people, my laundry is DONE. Done, done. Washed, dried, put away. D.O.N.E. Do you know how long it's been since I've had every stitch of laundry done? Stop guessing, you're embarrassing yourself. YEARS. Literally years!!! Even before that picture above was taken. Let's see...I moved into this house four years ago and I think I did pretty good for the first six months. So, ya, since then.

I won't lie, it's a great feeling. I'm sure it's helped that Hayden and Avery have been at their dad's for a couple weeks. But at least it's done! I'm making us all go naked from now on so I never have to do laundry again. (Now we can't stop puking every time we look at each other, though. And when we're not puking, we're pointing and laughing. It's a trade-off.)

Having all my laundry done does have its drawbacks, though:

I don't have any hangers left. Which is just as well since I can't squeeze one more shirt in there, anyway.

The shelf in my closet, where I put my pants and shorts is piled to the ceiling.

Sock drawers are filled to capacity.

This is Hayden's shorts drawer, overflowing.

The towel closet is completely full and I've had to put towels in other places.

So, DeNae and Annette, I hope you can sleep peacefully tonight. Of course, it will require you to get the image of my naked family out of your heads. Sweet dreams!

A Story

2010-07-22T09:00:00.000-07:00

So the other day I was getting Avery and Harley in the tub together. Avery got in first and I told her to start getting her hair wet so we could wash it.

Being the 9 year-old girl that she is, I figured she freak if Harley peed in the tub like he ALWAYS does the second the little thing touches the warm water. I don't usually worry too much when he pees in his own bath because his pee is still baby pee. Not something you'd want on you but certainly not something to wig out over. But she's NINE. And a GIRL. So I had to do everything I could to make sure tub-peeage (thanks for the work, DeNae!)did not occur.

I had him stand next to the tub while the water ran to encourage him to go in his diaper. Then I took his diaper off and aired the little bugger out in the hopes that the air and the water would inspire him to go outside the tub.

Next, I put him on the potty to try to get him to pee before I put him in. (It should be noted that he has never peed on the potty. Never, ever. But I thought I'd get extra credit from Avery if it looked like I at least tried to make sure he didn't pee in her bath.) After about two minutes of sitting, he said he was done.

After about 3 or 4 minutes I decide that I've done all I could do to prevent him from peeing anywhere near her bathwater. I get him off the pot, turn around to set him in and see my NINE YEAR OLD DAUGHTER sitting in a yellow pool.

"What the hell???" Say I. "Did you pee in the tub?"

Avery literally started to shake her head "no" but quickly realize she was SURROUNDED by evidence and nodded, sheepishly.

Very Under Control Mom: "WHY HAVE YOU PEED IN THE TUB???????"

Mortified Child: Quietly, "I don't know."

VUCM: "YOU'RE NINE YEARS OLD!!! YOU'RE TOO OLD TO BE PEEING IN THE TUB!!!"

VUCM: "Do you always pee in your bath?"

MC: Shakes head, no.

VUCM: "Tell me the truth."

MC: "Sometimes"

VUCM: "Munchkin, you can not pee in the tub! Maybe, under the most dyer of circumstances, when you absolutely can not hold it, you can pee in the shower. But, really, not even then. And NEVER in the bath!!!!!"

So we drained the water, cleaned the tub and the toys, and got them both back in. And they bathed happily ever after.

Cry Me A River. Of Sweat.

2010-07-20T14:27:00.000-07:00

So I keep hearing how HOT it is in places like, Las Vegas, for instance. I even heard of a news report in Arizona telling people not to go outside barefoot for even a minute. Not to get the mail or take out the trash or anything because people were getting 2nd degree burns on their feet.

And did you hear last week that in China the cars were melting to the pavement? Yep. It was a new road and the temperature outside was 110 and the temp on the pavement was 140 and the cars were literally getting "stuck in traffic".

And while I don't doubt you're having yourselves a warm snap, I'd just like all you whiners to see how hot it is in Pleasant Grove.

This is the sign in front of Walgreens just down the street from my house. Taken on Sunday.

So next time your temps outside reach 116 degrees, try thinking of those of us who are REALLY suffering!

You Are Not A Bun

2010-07-16T13:27:00.000-07:00

Dear Harley,

If I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times: Get. Out. Of. The. Oven.

I realize there are times when you need to reach your cookie.

And cook.

Or just stand there and suck your thumb.

But you've got to find a better place to do these things.

I mean it. Don't even think about it.

One of these days, I'll surprise your daddy and it's actually going to be hot in there!

Love, Mama

One From The Archives

2010-07-11T18:47:00.000-07:00

This is from my archives. One year ago today I was rebaptized. Today has been an emotional day for me. I've missed my dad a lot, since this was his greatest desire for me. To see me back in good standing with the church before he died.

Just minutes after I clicked "publish post", I received the call that my father had passed away. I miss him so much...

I have been so blessed to have been born and raised in the Gospel. What a gift it was to have been sent to parents whose testimonies had already been set in stone. Their faith has always been unfaltering. I went to Primary every Sunday. I was baptized when I was 8. I went to Young Women's every week and I LOVED it. As I look at the youth of today (and even some of my sisters) I realize that the experience I had in the Youth program was quite rare. I lived for activities night. I counted the minutes til girls camp. And cried for a week after it was over. I loved my leaders. I loved my bishoprics. All (and I do mean ALL) of my friends were in my ward and I really, truly liked going to church. I wasn't a rebellious teenager. How could I be? I was diagnosed with cancer a month before I turned 17 and started my first treatment the day after my birthday. I had to be home-schooled for 3 months. I missed out on the dance team that I'd worked so hard to make and I was sick during the try-outs for my senior year. I only saw my friends at church and even then it was different. They didn't know how to act around me. So my parents became my best friends. It was their friendship that got me through that time of my life. And it was during that time that I gained my own set-in-stone testimony. I had a closer relationship with my Father in Heaven during that time than I've ever had. Up to and including now.

Two years after I was declared to be in remission, I relapsed. I was a year out of high school and had a steady boyfriend. We'd moved from my home "town" (more of a city than a town) to a new, literal, town. The odds were very much against my survival this time. This time I was FILLED with cancer. This time I was so incredibly sick. But this time I had my own testimony to draw upon. Don't get me wrong. My parents' faith was still going to get me through but now we were all armed with it. And after an amazing blessing from my former bishop (and another former bishop who died of cancer a year later), I started the 7 months of chemotherapy knowing I'd beat this cancer again.

And I did.

I finished my treatments three years to the day after I was diagnosed the very first time. I was now almost twenty. I'd had cancer twice. (It was Hodgkin's Disease, by the way. I don't think I said that yet.) Looking back, it's almost as if I opened my eyes on the day I was no longer a teenager and really began my life. My boyfriend and I had broken up the day before my birthday. I was cancer free. I was living in a new place. My dad was about to be my bishop. My mom and I were best friends. It was a great time in my life.

I met and married my first husband. We were married in the temple. We had two kids. We were best friends. Life really was good.

So why am I telling you all of this? I want to show just how BLESSED I have been. How much I've been given in my life. I don't think that what happened next can be understood unless you understand all I'd been blessed with. Because seven years after I got married (eight years after I "opened my eyes") I chose to give it all up. I chose to say, "thank you, Heavenly Father, for all You've done for me. For my good health, my beautiful babies, my really nice husband. But I'm going to take a pass for now."

My husband and I split up. I went on a path for the next several months that was in the complete opposite direction as the path I'd been on my whole life. I went from one end of the "spiritual spectrum" to the exact other end.

My actions led me to a disciplinary court. Where it was explained to me that if I were to change my ways, right then; recommit myself to the Lord then I would be able to keep my membership. I know the church doesn't like to excommunicate people. I know the Lord works in ways of love, not punishment. But I made the decision to throw it all away.

I was surprised at how much it really did affect me. At that point in my life I really thought I didn't need the Lord. I didn't need the church. I was "happy". But as I walked home from the church I cried and cried.

I had already felt the absence of the Holy Ghost. I wasn't as patient with my kids as I had once been. I was glad to have them be with their dad because I knew he was a much better parent for them than I was. Things weren't going well at my job. I was angry and hostile to my ex-husband when, really, he hadn't done anything wrong. But having it be official. Having the bishop tell me I was excommunicated just rocked me.

I went on with my life. I continued down that path for a time. But that eventually got old. I was ready to settle down again. I'd already changed my ways with my kids. I was back to being the kind of mom they needed. I had a new and much better job. I still was completely inactive but in my heart I still believed.

I met Tavis and married him 9 months later. He's the love of my life. We got married in May, 2006 and that following Thanksgiving, my dad had a heart attack. He didn't die but it shook me. A month or so after his heart attack he came to me and showed me a piece of paper. It was a list of all of his kids with our birthdates, date of sealing for my oldest sister, and our baptism dates. But next to my name it was blank. Blank. I was a blank line! He told me he wanted, more than anything, for that line to be filled in before he died.

Well, absolutely. Who knew how much time he had left? The chances of another heart attack after a first are really good. So I decided it was time. After several meetings with my bishop we got it figured out that I could be re-baptized. And the only thing it was really going to require of me was that I, y'know, go to church. Everything else in my life was back within the Gospel standards. We decided it would be the same day my 8 year old daughter was baptized. But an hour before hers as not to take anything away from her special day.

Boy did the adversary work on me! Tavis and I fought more than we ever had. I didn't want to go to church. It was so easy to find reasons not to go. But I knew why I was having those feelings. And I did my best to ignore them.

At my disciplinary council the bishopric took a long time to deliberate. Longer than I thought should be necessary, frankly. I knew I was ready. Why were they having such a hard time figuring it out?

My bishop came out of his office and told me he'd forgotten to give me the baptismal interview. (I'm not kidding.) After the interview he was quiet. He finally said, "do you think we're rushing this?"

My heart sank. I couldn't believe he was saying this. I had enough faith, though, to know that if he wasn't getting the confirmation he needed from the Lord then I'd just have to wait.

But I this is what I told him:"The only thing we're rushing is the paper-work. (Because of my wanting to do it the same day as my daughter.) During the last five years my life has gone down every possible road. But my faith, my testimony, has never faltered. I've never stopped believing in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Not one time. I most certainly stopped living it, but I never stopped loving it. My faith is not being rushed. My readiness is not being rushed. All that's being rushed is getting it down on paper."

So he went back in with his counselors and they deliberated again. He called me back in and delivered the most poignant speech I'd ever been given. He said, "Thank you for giving the Spirit time to work. I went from being unsure about your readiness to knowing without question that this is the time for you to be re-baptized. I'm not sure why it's now, but I received revelation that the Lord needs you back now. That NOW is the time for you. I know that in time it will be revealed to us just how important the timing of this is, but for now I just know that it's not by accident that you've chosen now to come back."

Wow. I was speechless.

Which was OK because one of the counselors had this to add, "First, I want to thank you for your courage. It can't have been easy to come and meet with four men you barely know (this was the first time I'd even laid eyes on this man), and put your faith in us. So, thank you. Next, I want to tell you that I've got a general testimony that God loves everyone. But tonight I received a testimony that God loves you. And I'm so thankful to have been in on this council so that I could gain that testimony."

So I was baptized the following Saturday. My dad baptized me when I was 8 and he baptized and confirmed me again. People kept asking if I was so excited??? And the correct answer, of course, was YES!!! But really? No. Because I didn't feel like anything was going to change. All it was was a piece of paper. But as was pointed out to me by a friend, the commitment would be stronger. And she was right. I was wrong to have down-played it so much. I didn't want a big thing. Your first baptism is something to celebrate, not your second. But when the day came, I was truly EXCITED!!! (And not just because my sisters had come from out of town to be there!) I came out of the water feeling a lot like I did on my 20th birthday. My life was really going to begin. Again.

I've got a beautiful baby boy, now. And what I want next is to be sealed to him. But for now, I'll bask in the peace that having the Holy Ghost back in my life has given me. I'll never take that peace for granted again. I'll never let my Heavenly Father down again. My faith is renewed. My commitment is stronger than ever. And my life is right where I want it to be!

A Letter To My Baby

2010-06-10T14:01:00.001-07:00

Dear Harley,

When mama puts sunscreen on you, please don't touch me. Ever. I know you're little and this is the first year you've been able to go to the pool so I'll forgive you this once. But from now, on, don't touch mama with your sunscreened hands. K, baby?

Love, Mama

Yep, It's Official

2010-06-08T15:52:00.000-07:00

"Mama! Mama!"

Harley comes in the door with his hand outstretched.

"Ball!!!"

I'm sitting on the couch and I don't see anything in his hand, so I ask him to come show me.

He comes to me, still holding his hand out. And as he gets closer to me I see the "ball".

Sure enough, potato bug.

Proof positive that I have a two year-old BOY!!!!!

And That's Why It Took Me All Day To Do This Post

2010-05-23T10:37:00.000-07:00

Today my baby turns TWO!!!!! I just can't believe it. The time goes so fast!

He's been the light and the life of our home these past two years. Before I met Tavis I knew I was done having babies. I didn't want any more. And now I just can't imagine our lives without him.

He's the funniest, nicest, sweetest, CUTEST little boy in the world. He really is just so nice and pleasant. He's just so fun to be around.

He talks so cute. He's so playful. He's funny and pilly and clever. He's a snuggler. He loves to sit on my lap and just chill.

He wakes up in the middle of the night or first thing in the morning or even at night before he goes to sleep and he wants "wottet". Which, literally translated, means "Rocket" from his favorite show, "The Little Einsteins". I swear, he better be a freaking GENIUS when he grows up or I'm suing someone.

He loves tractors and dad's truck and being outside and his little dog, "Futty" (Fluffy). He loves his brothers and sister. He'll eat anything we put in his mouth. He looks at the picture of my dad on our fridge every day and says, "there's papa!".

He gets nervous around strangers so when he warms up to you, it's a real treat. He's very attached to mom and dad. He loves to go "bye bye" and asks to go somewhere every day. He gets that from me. I like to bum around, too. Every single time Tavis puts his shoes on to go somewhere, Harley will take one and put it in the corner by the front door. Then Tav has to ask him to go get it and he does.

He lights up our lives. He makes each day worth getting up for. He makes my big burly husband talk like a baby. He snaps me out of a depression. He truly is a gift from heaven. I can't believe I'm the lucky one who gets to be his mom!

Happy Birthday, Harley! You are one of the most loved kids in the world!

This is Harley on Mother's Day

Harley and Tavis on the "hoe" spoken of in the previous post

Harley and "Papa" at his first birthday

The day he was born...

Six days before he came to our family...

Actual Phone Conversation

2010-04-12T12:58:00.000-07:00

Tavis: "Hello!"

Me: "Hi, babe! How's your day going?"

Tavis: "Pretty good. Just runnin' the equipment today." (Which explains his good mood. He loves to be in the equipment. Boys and their tractors!)

Me: "Well I just called to tell you I love you." (I'm nice like that.)

Tavis: "Aw, thanks! Love you, too!"

Me: "When do you think you'll be home?"

Tav: "I'm not sure. I'll call you when I get off this hoe."

Me: Long pause "Wow. Any other wife might be a little concerned about that statement."

In Which I Take Back All the Nice Things I Said About Old People

2010-03-31T12:41:00.001-07:00

So I'm in line at the post office the other day. I was probably six people back and the line continued to form behind me. Along one part of the wall was a rack of greeting cards. As Harley and I waited in line he took interest in the cards. Of course. He'd pick out a card, look at it and place it back exactly where it didn't belong. So I'd take the card and put it back it its spot. This had happened a good ten times. It wasn't hard. He'd take a card, I'd put it back. No biggie. He wasn't being bad. He was entertained and staying close to me so I was fine with this "game".

Then an old man and his grown daughter got in line about three people behind us. He asks the gal behind me, "is that your little boy?"

I tell him he's my little boy and, naturally, prepare myself to hear what everyone says, "oh he is so CUTE!!! Look at his darling blond hair!! Oh, those blue eyes!!! His smile!!! What a doll!!!"

No.

To my surprise the old man says, "well he's playing with all the cards! If that was my child I wouldn't let him play with that. Oh, now he's moving them. NO! NO! That's not where that one goes!! HEY!! Hey, you can't put that there!" His daughter tried to politely shush him. He tells her, "I'm just being mock-serious".

Mock-serious??? Who says that? Old Man River, that's who.

I keep giving him my best "stop talking to my child like that" smile. I don't get offended easily. I know old people have lost their filters. And their ability to control the VOLUME OF THEIR VOICE. His daughter was clearly embarrassed by her father. She had the look of "please don't get mad, he's an old geezer" on her face. But the only reason I'm mad now is because I continued to replace the cards but he doesn't know I've been doing this all along. He thinks I'm doing it now because he made a fuss about it.

By now I've moved far enough up in the line that Harley's too far away from me for my comfort. So I gather him up and set him on the counter. He tried to grab all the "change of address" forms and I told him he'd send that old man into a tailspin if I let him play with those.

So we mailed DeNae's 25th wedding anniversary gift and were on our way. It got me thinking, though. Will I be a sweet old lady or an ornery old bag? I haven't decided yet.

Today is the last day to donate your Snuggie to Kristina's oldies. But don't give one to that old man. OK, give him one but make sure it's a PINK one.

It WaS HITting Everything BUT The Fan!!!

2010-03-15T16:45:00.000-07:00

Alright, people. This post is going to contain a lot of TMI. Seriously. A. Lot.

I LOVE TMI!!! Love it, I tell ya! I live for it! I love everything from child-birth to periods to bowel movements to **sex** (not tons of details, just generalities) to toenail fungus to...to...to...well, I love it all. And I want to hear it all. And, my friends, I tend to share it all.

Last Tuesday I got up and had my morning movement. Typically my #2 is round and pebbley (which I learned later wasn't the way it's supposed to be. But it's always been that way so I'm not going to worry about it.) and I'm able to (if need be) give a courtesy flush. This time, however, it came out in one long piece. Not allowing for the courtesy flush. Then, like I always do, I used too much TP. Tavis gets so frustrated with me because I use a ton of toity. But I can't risk having a finger break through!!! Hayden and I use waaaaay too much. Avery, on the other hand, uses like half a square which is just gross.

So I flush. And the toilet makes that sound that we all know. The sure sound that it's not going down. It fills up. Then slowly drains down. The...um...culprit, however did go down. So what I'm left with is a wad of T.P. at the bottom of the toilet with no water in it. You got the visual? A few minutes go by and I flush again. Again with the filling of the toilet.

Crap.

Again it drains slowly down while I go get the plunger. Flush again and plunge like crazy. The toilet fills up and this time it overflows! But during these couple of seconds of overflowing I think to myself, "well this sucks, but once the toilet stops filling it'll stop overflowing".

But guess what? This time the toilet doesn't stop filling. Y'know how your toilet will sometimes continue to run and you have to jiggle the handle? Well, that's fine as long as your toilet isn't clogged because it'll just drain as it fills. Yeaaaaahhh...not so much when there's a...um...thing in the pipes.

So the water keeps coming. I keep plunging. Water is filling my little half-bath.

"SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTT!!!!!!"

The water flows out of the bathroom, into the hall and into the kitchen which is right next to the bathroom. It covered half the kitchen floor. (Trust me, the thought of sh*t water on my kitchen floor is nauseating.) I tried to turn off the water to the toilet but it wouldn't turn! Luckily just one week prior Tavis showed me where the main shut off valve to our water was. (Conveniently located inside the heat vent next to the front door.) So I run and turn it off.

Ran downstairs to the laundry room to grab some dirty towels to sop up the water and Oh. My. Gosh. It's running in to my basement!!! We have a 6 ft crawl space under my house and the toilet water was running in to it.

"CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!!!!!"

Now I'm just at a loss as what the *h* to do! So I call Tav. Every husband wants to get a phone call from his frantic wife saying there's crap water all over the house. Luckily he was almost home. People, there was so much water on the floor that the towels wouldn't even touch it. Wouldn't even scratch the surface. I put three down on the bathroom floor and there was still literally 2 inches of water on the floor. Not to mention the totally soggy hall carpet and the half-inch of water on the kitchen floor.

So Tav gets home and we survey the scene. I've thrown away my hat that was on the floor. There's a bag of toilet paper in the garbage because it's soaked. Ironically, the toilet bowl cleaner pad thingies were floating around the toilet. And I've got an empty storage bin with the soaked towels in it.

"Where's the shop-vac?" I say to him.

"It's not meant to suck up THIS much water."

"THE CARPET CLEANER!!!!!"

So we got our carpet cleaner and started sucking up the water. It worked great! And came in very handy when it came time to clean the poop water out of the carpet in the hall. Although, let's be honest. Every time we walk past there, we're gonna remember. I find myself skirting around the area all the time. Even though he did a good job of steam cleaning it.

After all (most) the water was sucked up I Pine Sol-ed the hell outa that bathroom! And the kitchen! Did I mention my darling niece was on her way? Ya. Just as the mayhem was winding down, Vanessa got to my house. I went running out to greet her....."VANESSSSSSAAAAA!!!!!!! WE'RE HAVING A CRISIS!!!!!"

She called her mom to tell her she'd made it safely and started telling her what had happened. The story really could only be told first hand so I got on the phone with DeNae and told her all about it. First we laughed at how completely insane the story was and then at what our lives have become. Every crisis or trauma is....what? A BLOG POST!!!!! You know the whole time I was trying to shut off the toilet I was thinking, "I should grab a picture of this so I can blog about it". But I also thought, "pretty sure Tavis wouldn't see the great blog potential this story has and would probably be all...'get the poop water off the floor'". He's such a fun hater!!!

I have two other number 2 stories but this one is really long so I'll summarize: The next day I was changing a number 2 diaper of Harley's and took his pants off only to find number 2 all down his leg! Of course I'm not expecting to have number 2 outside the diaper so I'm not being careful and it get all over me! My leg, my hand, etc. I called Tav inside from the garage to help me with that one.

The day after that, Hayden and Harley were in the bath together (My older kids literally fight over who gets to bathe with Harley. He's just so dang CUTE in there!) and I was on the phone (a rare occasion as I really don't like to use my phone voice). Hayden starts screaming "MAMA!!!!! HARLEY POOPED IN THE TUB!!!!!"

Yep, he sure did. A lot.

Snuggly Buggly (my mom says that)

2010-03-05T16:33:00.000-08:00

It seems the topic of old people has been on my mind a lot this week. On Wednesday my maternal grandpa would have turned 100 years old. He died at 88 1/2, so he lived a very long life. My grandma is still alive and kicking (butt) at the age of 96. Yes, she's a little slower and a lot deafer and requires constant care (which requires my mom to go tend her every other weekend) but she's sharp as a tack up there (taps side of head). She can tell you the names of all her grand kids, great-grand kids and great-great grand kids. (Yes, that's FIVE generations!!) She can tell you most of their birthdays or at least the general time they were born.

This is my grandma at my dad's funeral. No, she doesn't have a black eye. That thing's been there for as long as I can remember. I don't know what it is. DeNae, do you?

And on that same Wednesday I ate breakfast with my very good friend Kristina P. Who is doing something really, really great. She's doing a "Snuggies for Seniors" drive. If you don't know Kristina then A: you're really missing out on one of the funniest people ALIVE and B: she's kind of obsessed with the Snuggie. And by "kind of" I mean it consumes her every living, breathing thought.

Oh my heck, I did it!!! I "grabbed the button" and I put it on here! I've never done it before! YAYAYAYAYAYAY meeee!!! I don't know how to get rid of that line next to it, though. Baby steps.

So please, click on those cute little old people and do your part to keep these geezers warm! I know I will be!

After all, if we didn't have old people who else would give me a 10% tip???

The Post About Nothing

2010-02-19T08:53:00.000-08:00

Not much to report here. I'm such a lame blogger these days. Why? I don't know!! I've noticed that ever since my dad died, I'm not not into it anymore. But I really wouldn't say the two are connected. I need to get better at it though, because I like the idea of keeping up with what's going on in my life. Like being hip-deep in toddlerdom.

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See??? That was Harley. Maybe that's why I'm a lame blogger. Because he's up in my grill all the time. But I honestly wouldn't have it any other way. He's been such joy. He really is my joy. Do you know that just a few days before my dad died he sent me a text in reference to this post that said, "I love you so much. You are my joy"? I can't begin to tell you how much I wish I had saved that text. And Harley really, truly is my joy these days.

So Harley talks a TON lately. Oh my heck it's the cutest thing EVER!!! His latest word is "Ma'er". It's Mater, from Cars but without the T. He loves Mater. I went on a Mater quest this past Monday. Couldn't find him in all the usual places...Wal Mart, Toys R Us. So we went to the mall and found him at the Disney store. Ohhhh, did we find him!

Did I mention that I should have been shopping for Hayden's birthday during my Mater quest? Well I should have been. Actually, I did shop for Hayden. I can't believe my (oldest) baby is ELEVEN!! Here's a fun little bit for you: My sister, DeNae was 11 when I was born. I was 11 when her son, David was born. David was 11 when Hayden was born and now Hayden's 11. Crazy, right?

This post is all over the place. I apologize. I got nothin' though.

I love my job. How many waitresses can say that? I really do, though! Last night I waited on a man who was eating alone. He was a soft spoken man. Very nice. His bill was $28. He gave me two twenties and asked that I just bring him $5 back. So I did. When I gave him his change, he told me he'd like to pick up the bill of the table next to him. Who does that??? Very nice people, that's who. Their bill was only $20. (They shared a steak.) He gave me $25 and told me to keep the rest. When he left, I was cleaning up and found the $5 change I'd given him still in the black book. Nice, right? See? I love my job.

Am I the only one who's ready for winter to be over? I feel like such a whiner because we really haven't had a harsh winter. I just want it to be WARM!!! And yet, I'm stressed about summer coming because it means no more bulky hoodies to cover my muffin top. And I have to shave my legs every day. I guess it's all about trade offs, right?

I had a great birthday. Probably the best ever. It seems like I say that every year. That's a good thing, I think.

I'm excited for this. I haven't bought my ticket yet but I'm for sure going. I can't wait! I want to have a big slumber party that Friday night. Braid each other's hair. Paint finger nails. Strip down to bra and panties and have a tickle fight. Freeze the bra of the first girl that falls asleep. Y'know, do it up right!

OK, that's it. I'll stop. Have a great weekend, everyone!

Prayers, Please

2010-02-10T11:49:00.000-08:00

OK, so I know I didn't post anything in the previous post and instead of deleting it I thought I'd let you all see how freakin' funny and bratty Kristina is.

I was doing it from my phone while I sat on the toilet next to the tub as Harley bathed. It didn't work. Obviously.

So last week a girl I work with was telling us about a friend of hers who'd been giving her two young sons a bath and left them alone in the tub. One was two, the other 16 months. The baby drowned. His older brother (6) ran down the hall to find his mom and tell her the baby wasn't breathing. She started CPR, big brother called 911 and his dad who had just left for a bike ride. The paramedics arrived and took him away. He arrived 11 minutes after the 911 call at the hospital, DOA. Moments later they flew him to PCMC. Where they revived and stabilized him. He was still unconscious. His heart was beating on its own but he wasn't breathing on his own.

I only know all these details because I saw on Facebook that a girl I went to high school with was saying that her friend's baby was so resilient. She put a link to her friend's blog and I began reading. And bawling. My baby is only a few months older than this baby. I read and read and bawled. I read about the whole thing. My heart went out to this poor mother. What guilt she must be feeling! She mentioned in one of her posts that it was the first post she'd done since this little guy was born. Kind of ironic. So I read that post. I saw the pictures of that new little baby. And his mom. And I know her! I went to high school with her too! I couldn't believe I'd read this whole story. Heard about it for a week at work. And all the while, I know her! We roomed together in San Diego on our concert choir tour.

Anyway, the point of this post is not to depress you. It's to ask for your prayers on behalf of this little baby and his family. Once again I'm amazed at the way this blogging world works. On the first post this girl did there were 20-something comments. On her latest post (not even 2 weeks later) there were 500-something comments. That's incredible to me! Anyway, please go read her story. Or at the very least, offer up a prayer for her family today.

2010-02-10T11:09:00.000-08:00

Let The Celebrating Begin

2010-01-30T00:48:00.000-08:00

So my birthday is coming up. It's on Monday. I love, love, love my birthday! This is the first year I've actually not looked forward to the aging part, though. But oh well. What ya gonna do, right? So I've always felt that since my birthday is the first day of the shortest month I really should be allowed to start celebrating in January and go all through the month of February. Tonight kicked off my month-long celebration!

Vanessa (whose adorable baby girl turns 3 on Monday, too) insisted we get together for my birthday (thanks, girlie!) and who am I to disappoint a friend? So we got together at Goodwood. The place where I met 6 out of 8 of these awesome, awesome women. I met them almost a year ago at Kristina P.'s blog lunch. I can't believe what a strong bond and friendship has grown from that day. Blogging has brought to me friendships that I never thought possible. If I never blog another word it will be ok because I truly feel like I've gotten out of blogging what I wanted. Although, when I started blogging I didn't know I wanted this. Anyway, I just really, really want to tell you girls how much you mean to me. I'm so blessed to call you "friend". Thank you so much for making my birthday so special. I am the luckiest girl in the world. I feel bad, though, that I'm in a fight with all of you because I told you, "no gifts or we're in a fight". And every last, stinkin', darling one of you brought me a gift. NAUGHTIES!!!!!

OK, we're made up. Let's never fight again. Until my birthday next year.

It's times like tonight that I really miss my sister, DeNae. She's my bestest blogging buddy. My biggest cheerleader. And seriously in the top three funniest people I know (numbers 1 and 2 being me and, well, me). I wish she lived closer so she could join me at all my bloggy outings. If you don't read her Backordered Life, you're totally missing out. Love you, sister!

So here we are: going from front left, clockwise around the table: Veronica, Melissa, Me, Sherrie, (half of) Kristina, Motherboard, Annie, Tiberon, Vanessa. I apologize for the devil eyes! I really did do the "red eye fix". My computer must know things about some of you that I don't....HA!

Again, thanks so much for making me feel so special and so loved. And I hope that you all know just how loved and special you are to me.

That's what I'm celebrating this year. Not that I'm turning 34. But that I have such great, great friends.

19:00-20:00

2010-01-08T15:18:00.000-08:00

Avery comes home from dance last night and we all eat dinner.
She asks if we wanna see her dance. Tavis says, no. (Kidding)
She falls apart (I jump Tav. Tell him that wasn't funny. He apologizes, saying he was kidding.) and goes downstairs.
Harley follows her.
He climbs up on the computer desk and gets stuck.
Avery runs upstairs and tell us he's stuck.
We tell her to get him down.
She says, "he's down. Here he comes."
He comes in the room holding two pens and a pencil.
Tav tells her to get them from him.
She starts toward him and of course he runs.
She tackles him.
Hayden jumps in to "help."
Harley hits his head on Hayden's knee. Freaks.
Avery takes the pens from him. More freaking.
I console Harley.
Avery goes into the kitchen and comes back in with a Ring Pop.
Asks if she can have it.
Tavis says, no. (Thought she'd already had one.)
She freaks again.
Runs into the kitchen, slips and falls rounding the corner.
REALLY freaks.
I accidentally let Hayden see me laughing at Avery's demise.
He starts laughing.
Avery takes it well.
She goes in the bathroom and says she hates her life. Wants to "go to bed, get a new life and hope she dies in her sleep." (I know, right?)
I console Avery.
Still holding Harley.
Her outburst has caused him to cry even more.
I tell Hayden he might as well get in here and bawl, too.
He does. (Pretend)
I tell Avery to get her dance CD and go with me to my room to show me her dance.
She and I and Harley go up there.
She flops on my bed, flailing. Says, "I'm too upset to dance."
I tell her I can't listen to her bawling anymore so she should go to bed.
Harley and I go back downstairs.
Avery screams, "I DON'T WANT TO GO TO BED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Harley and I and Tavis watch TV for a few.
Avery yells down asking if she can come out.
I tell her only if she's done freaking.
She is.
She comes down and sits by me.
I tell her to grab her spelling words and we'll go over them.
She freaks.
"I CAN'T DO SPELLING IN THE LIVING ROOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I tell her she has two choices: do spelling or go to bed.
More freaking.
I tell her if she keeps it up she'll only have one choice. Bed.
She gets her spelling.
Spells all the words correctly.
Harley has stopped bawling.
Hayden's watching TV.
She's done freaking.
It's 8:00 PM.
Tavis needs a glass of wine.

I Know, I know. I Have Two Other Kids. Blah, Blah, Blah...

2009-12-14T22:24:00.000-08:00

So I really don't have anything to blog about. I'm in a major funk lately. (I say "funk" because if I say "depression" my family worries.) You can tell from my previous post that I'm having a hard time without my dad. I really wish we could just fast forward the next few weeks...until February. Yeah...February would be nice. My birthday's the first day so let's hit the FF button and be done with the holidays and dark and dreary January!

OK, this really isn't going to be a "poor me" post. Probably more of a "Harley is so freakin' cute and here's all the cute stuff he does lately" post.

He says, "bye, hi, GEEEEZ!!!, mmm..mmm...mmm (which seriously has the tone of "don't want to"), dis (this)". There's probably more. But the one that's the funniest is GEEEEEZ!!! He says it at the appropriate times, too. Loud noise. Bump in the road. Dogs barking. Ya, it's adorable.

OH!!! He also says, "ho, ho, ho". He doesn't know who else says it but still. It's darling.

I outed Santa to him. I told him last year and this year that it's his dad and me. He'd have figured it out on Christmas morning anyway, since he's been with me when I've bought every single one of his gifts. Tavis has threatened me with....I got nothin'....if I out Santa next year.

Hey speaking of that. I have a 10 almost 11 year-old. Do you think he still believes? Last year he was on the fence about it. Had a lot of questions. This year he hasn't said a WORD about it. As if he knows but doesn't want to talk about it. I feel weird asking him what he wants Santa to bring him. I don't know why I feel weird. Even when he's a full-on "knower", I'll ask him what he wants Santa to bring him. How old were your kids when the cat got outa the bag? Avery, my 8 year-old, is still hip-deep in believing. It's so cute. I love it!

Harley's also addicted to the phone. He has to "talk" on the phone about ten times a day. During the Thanksgiving holiday he talked on anyone's phone he could get his hands on. At one point he got a "call", looked around the room, gave us a look as if we were making too much noise, and left the room. DeNae can vouch for this story. He gets my phone and punches the keys like he's texting. I have NO IDEA where he learned that from. Certainly not the obscene amounts of time I spend texting.

He literally undecorated our tree as fast as we got it decorated. The big kids would hang an ornament, he'd bring it back to me. Very helpful. So we had to make our tree look like this:

I put out less than half of my Christmas decorations because it would be an effort in futility. He and I watched Rudolph the other day and I loved it because I could recite the whole thing and he didn't yell at me to stop. In fact he liked it! I'm gonna watch Christmas Vacation with him next!

He's too tall. He can reach the top of the counters now. And bring me everything that's on them. Not that there's ever anything on my counters. They're always perfectly clean and free of clutter. Also, very helpful.

We got our first snow last week. (Finally. After it WARMED UP enough to snow!!!) He loved it! Why don't kids understand cold? He could go outside in his diaper alone and not miss a beat. Little frozen piggies and all. I got some cute pix of him in the first snow of the season. I like it right now. Talk to me in a couple weeks...oh wait! You won't have to because we're fast-forwarding, remember! YAY!

Do you ever do the thing where you start thinking, "my kids are totally getting the shaft this Christmas. I've gone through everything I've bought for them and ya, it's not much." So then you go out and buy a bumload of stuff and hit the panic button because now you're thinking, "crap, I've bought too much stuff for my kids." I knew you did. You're my kinda people!

Am I the only one who really doesn't want anything for Christmas this year? I really don't. There are plenty of things I'd like to have, sure. But I'm just not feeling like I want to spend the money on stuff just for the sake of having crap under the tree. I really and truly just want to be with my family. We're staying at my mom's on Christmas Eve. My sister Kim and her family will be there, too. This is all I need. Well, this and the rest of my siblings to be there! (I'm looking at you, DeNae.)

Alright. That's enough nonsense for one post. Are you all enjoying DeNae's salute to fudge? If you're not you MUST go over and enjoy yourself.

I Miss You, Dad

2009-12-05T23:57:00.000-08:00

I miss my dad. I miss him so, so much. I miss his voice. I miss his warm hands. I miss his hairy arms. And his bald head. I miss the way he would blink really fast like he was batting his eyes. I miss his blue eyes. They were just like mine. The only two in our family that got 'em. I miss the dimple in his chin. I miss the way he'd say, "hi hun" every time I talked to him. And before we'd finish a phone conversation he'd say, "love you, too" even though I hadn't said it yet. I missed being able to cheer for the Yankees with him. And I missed watching the BYU/Utah game with him. I missed his too-long, lecture-the-family-via-blessing-on-the-food at Thanksgiving. I miss his texts asking me to bring his "motorcycle" out to see him. I even miss him sneaking Mountain Dew to Hayden.

I don't understand why he was taken from me so suddenly. I still need a dad. I still need his help to get registered for college. Because that was one thing he was emphatic about. He wanted me to become a teacher. Probably more than I want it.

I hate that he's gone. I hate it so bad. I hate that I will spend the rest of my life without him. I know he's still there. I know he's aware of me. I know he's so happy where he is and that there's nowhere he'd rather be. I can't imagine how glorious heaven is but my own selfish self would rather have him here.

No comments. I just needed to cleanse my soul a bit.

Don't Eat Yellow Snow

2009-11-21T22:34:00.000-08:00

Today on my Facebook I posted "Amber Stubbs...hates people." And it's true. They're not nice and they're irritating and I hate them.

OK, I only hate the kind of people who STIFF WAITRESSES!!!!! That's right. I got stiffed. Not once, my friends. But twice. Last night, due to an error on my part that caused ZERO inconvenience to my guests, my manager had to buy their meals. To the tune of $40. (BTW, if this had happened at Rib City I'd have had to pay the $40 and then been fired.) So instead of being grateful they got a free meal and leave a generous tip they left me nothing. NOTHING. I hate them.

Then today I had a table of three. Their ticket was $50. I should have known they were gonna be trouble when the dude asked if there was free refills on the flavored lemonade and I told him they were $.50. So he then asked if refills were free on iced tea and when I told him they were he went with that. Then the jack-a** asked if he could get an extra hamburger patty on his cheeseburger and when I told him sure, for a little extra money he went with the standard one patty.

It's always so exciting, as a waitress, to open the little black book to see what treasure lies inside. I like to wait til I'm all the way in the back before I open it. It's kinda like Christmas. Minus the gifts. And the tree. And the family. And the kids chucking their socks over their shoulder and diving in to get another gift. (Quick! What movie is that from?)

So imagine my surprise when I opened these people's little black book and found that they left me a big, fat, freaking ZERO. I hate them, too.

But that's not all. See, they only signed their credit card receipt. They didn't fill in the tip amount or the total amount. Not gonna lie...I was sooooo tempted to fill in a $20 tip and total it to $70. Not only did they not stiff me but they left me a 40% tip!!! DAMN THAT CONSCIENCE OF MINE!!!!! I couldn't bring myself to do it. I guess $20 isn't worth going to hell over. Or worth getting fired over.

I think I'd have a better chance of talking my way out of hell than finding a new job right now.

So here's a tip for you: Always fill in your tip amount and always fill in the total amount on your credit card slips. You might not get a server as scared of Satan as I am.

So, people? Tip your server. Tip her/him well if they deserve it. But for the love of all that is good and holy, please don't stiff them!!! Seriously, who does that???

People I hate. That's who.

Oh. My. Heck.

2009-11-18T22:39:00.001-08:00

OK, so I'm about to tell you something that I KNOW you're going to have a ton of advice about but trust me, I know what I need to do about it. I just don't have the energy to deal with it right now.

Harley sleeps with us now.

It flippin' sucks. I hate it. It started probably 3 months ago when he got really, really sick. He was having way high fevers and we just put him in bed with us so we'd get some sleep. He recovered about a week later and for the next week-ish we worked on getting him back on his routine. Which we pretty much had accomplished until my dad died. Then for the next week or so we were back and forth to Tooele. Sleeping at my mom's with him in bed with us. I spent the night out there several times without Tavis, and long story short, he sleeps with us now.

So now he won't nap in his bed, either. Before, I'd put him to sleep then lay him down in his bed which was hassle enough but now if I even breathe like I'm going to stand up to take him to bed he wakes up. So I either hold him through his naps or I attempt to lay him on the couch.

As you can well imagine, by the time I've spent the entire night with him, all morning, held him for 2 hours while he naps, spent all evening with him, I'm MORE than ready for a little alone time. So I've started staying up waaaaay too late. It's the only time of day where I don't have anyone clinging to me or talking to me or climbing on me. So I'm staying up til like 2:00 in the morning!!! Not. Good. Especially when I've got to get up and get my older kids off to school by 8:30.

This whole story is not the point of this post. No, here comes the point. Last night while I was staying up too late I was sitting on the couch and at 12:15 am the entire sky lit up. Like noon-day. It lasted for about 5 seconds. I could only see out my back window but I saw the ENTIRE yard. It was literally as if the sun had been turned on.

I. Was. Terrified.

I seriously felt all the blood run out of my face and upper body. I went all cold and just froze. I didn't know what to do! Should I get up and see what's out there? What if it's something I don't want to see? So I went upstairs to my room (which also looks out over the back yard) and looked out the window. That way my tough husband could save me from whatever it was that had just lit up the night. But I saw nothing. I was kind of expecting to see a helicopter with a spotlight but, really, if it had been a spotlight there would have needed to be like 100 spotlights to make a light as bright as this one.

So I go back downstairs and ponder what I'd just seen. While I was sitting there, the windows started shaking. (By now I'm ready to pee my pants.) I'm not a huge believer in UFO's but I'm also not an un-believer. I have no reason to doubt there are life forms out there other than ours. Then I thought maybe a transformer blew. But my power was still on and so was my neighbor's. So I post it on my facebook. Ask what the crap was that thing???

And this morning I found out. It was a meteor! I didn't know we were supposed to be having a meteor shower but apparently a lot of people did. How cool is that??? I actually got to see it! Stuff like that never happens to me! I always miss the cool stuff.

So I'm going to try to post the story on here but I'm not holding my breath on it working so go here and you can see the 2 minute and 50 second story.

Very cool.

She Came Back to Bite Me

2009-11-16T22:26:00.000-08:00

So I got to work on Saturday and not long after I got there one of the girls I work with spilled a drink on a customer. It made such a mess that they had to move to a different table. Now, I don't really love this girl. She's kinda b*tchy. So naturally, I thoroughly enjoyed her misfortune. When my friend, D'Laina, got there a couple hours later I told her the humorous story.

"Haha, Lame Girl spilled a drink all over her table and they had to move. Haha..."

Remember my last day of training? Well the table I was headed to that night was table 7. And on Saturday I was given table 7 for the first time since that fateful day.

As I walked toward my table of four I was remembering the day I slipped and dropped all the drinks all over the place and how bad that sucked and how bad it would suck to do that again. I got to table 7 and began distributing their drinks. As I was setting down the second to last drink I literally thought to myself, "I wonder how this guy feels about a drink in his lap". Seriously. I really did think that. I don't know why I thought that. I just did. So I leaned across the table to set down the second to last drink and in so doing, I tipped over the last drink on the tray. It went all over the guy!!! I'm not kidding! Why would I have been thinking that? And then it happened!! Of course we all freaked out. He jumped up with water in his lap.

D'Laina came up to me and said, "really, Amber? And after you were just making fun of Lame Girl."

She helped me clean the guy up. One of the bussers helped, too. The guy was way cool about it. Kept telling me not to worry about it when I apologized 9 million times. D'Laina said that when I walked away his wife asked if he was OK and he said, "ya I'm fine but my balls are frozen."

Ba ha ha ha!!!!! Oh my heck, that's funny!

So the moral of this story is this: Karma--she's a b-word. Trust me. I work with her.

Eee Eye Eee Eye Ohh

2009-11-09T15:18:00.000-08:00

When I first started at Outback one of the girls that trained me was telling another girl something that went like this: "I was so tired when I got home last night all I could do was harvest my crops and go to bed."

I was floored! This girl sooooo is not the farming type! So I said, "holy crap! Where do you live???" I knew she lived with her sister and sister's family somewhere near me. Don't get me wrong, there are farms around me. But this girl? Uh...no.

She then informed me that she was talking about Farmville on Facebook. And the second she said "Farmville" EVERYONE started talking about it. Talking about their strawberries and eggplants and cows and someone sent someone else an elephant (something no farm should be without) but they didn't really have room for it so they just built a pen and put the elephant in it. These people were literally speaking a foreign language. But it was only foreign to me. Everyone else knew what they were talking about.

So my friend D'Laina asked me if I farmed and the look on my face must have indicated that I didn't so she said she'd "neighbor" me. You see, you want neighbors. You need neighbors in order to expand your farm. Plus, everyday you can go to your neighbor's farms and help them do things like pull weeds, rake leaves, scare away raccoons or foxes, get rid of gophers and then you can fertilize some of their crops. All of these good deeds gets you coins and you want coins to buy more crops or tractors or make your farm bigger. You can buy houses and barns and butter churns and ponds and yes, elephants. The list goes on and on and on.

So of course at first I was all aboard the "mocking train". This was the most ridiculous thing I'd ever heard of! You buy crops, wait a certain amount of time depending on the crop (four hours for strawberries, three days for cotton) and when they're fully grown you harvest. When you harvest it makes you more money. Typically, the longer you have to wait to harvest, the better the return. And as you plant and harvest you earn "experience points". These points advance you to the next level opening up a whole new set of things for you to plant or buy or give as gifts. You can even buy a hot air balloon.

One day Harley was wanting to see the "bird" on Tavis's computer. So Tav told him to wait a minute and he'd pull it up for him. I asked what bird he was talking about and he said he has a duck on his farm that Harley likes to look at.

Again, floored!!! My husband is Farmvilling!!! Of course I spent a few days mocking him. Then I reluctantly joined him. I've found my new addiction. Forget blogging. Forget solitaire. This is what I live for now. I get so excited when I log on to FB and see I have new gifts waiting for me or even better? A new neighbor request. That's better than Christmas! (Especially since we'll be so poor this Christmas, that FV gifts will be the only gifts we'll be getting. Hope the kids don't mind getting a virtual bird bath.)

So as if blogging wasn't enough, I've entered another popularity contest. First you have to have a fair number of FB friends. Only because those friends then need to be your neighbors. Tavis knows first hand how this contest works. He's not huge into FB so he doesn't have a ton of "friends". And of those non-tons of friends only a handful of them farm. So he's got tons of money but not enough neighbors to make his farm bigger. I have enough neighbors but not enough money. (Story of my freakin' life, I tell ya.) Although, make no mistake, "if this was the real world of farming, he'd have all us us whipped!!!"

So, MB, when you ask me, "harvest your crops, wth???" Now you know. If you don't Farmville you really should. It's tons of fun. And if you do, you really need to neighbor me. And if you're not my FB friend then you need to remedy that, too. Although as I type this I'm thinking of the 10-12 people who comment here and I'm pretty sure I'm FB friends with all of you.

Oh! Gotta go! I've got bell peppers that are THIS CLOSE to being ready to harvest and I don't want them to wither!

Mr. Quirkster

2009-11-02T21:45:00.000-08:00

Do you have any quirks? Things that you do that make you just a tiny bit OCD? I only have one. Maybe two. The first is that every night when I go to bed I have to fix my pillows. I sleep with three. Two I lay on and one I hug. I have to fluff them up and make sure the opening of the pillow case is facing the outside of the bed. Then I stack them up. And I lay on all of them. I lay there on my back for a few minutes then I turn on my right side, grab my hugging pillow (which was on top of the pile, of course)and drift off to night-night. This happens every night.

The other is that I'm really disorganized. My house isn't always clean. Well, it's not always tidy. It's clean. Toilets are clean. Clothes are clean. People are clean. But it's usually cluttered. I'd like to blame it on my 1 year-old but really? It's always been this way. So, my quirk. When I do laundry I have to hang Avery's clothes on only pink and white hangers. Hayden's go on red, dark blue or green hangers. Harley's go on light blue hangers. And you must not deviate. I came downstairs one night while Tavis was (miracle) hanging clothes and I very nicely said, "actually, Harley's clothes go on these light blue hangers". Well he freaked! "You should be grateful you're getting any help at all!!!" And he was right but still, I'd rather do it myself than look at Avery's shirt hanging on a green hanger.

So why am I asking you about your quirks? Because I met a woman a while ago that was so damn weird that I just have to share this with you.

I went to a Relief Society get-together. It was "cookies on the lawn". Basically, bring cookies, sit in a circle with a bunch of women, eat cookies, gab.

So this woman arrives and she's got a plastic baggie on her right hand. On her other hand is a Wal-Mart sack and hanging off that arm is another Wal-Mart sack (kinda like a purse). And inside that Wal-Mart sack is another Wal-Mart sack and a cel phone. Well of course she sits right next to me. (I purposely didn't sit by my friend so I could meet other people, which left an empty seat next to me.) People, the smell coming off this woman was unlike anything I've ever smelled in my life. It was thick. It got in my lungs and just about choked me. It jumped into my nose and clung there as if it was afraid it would be forced to live with her again. At this point I grabbed my freshly washed hair and smelled it for the remainder of the night.

So I asked a friend who was on my other side, "what the crap is up with the bags?" This woman is in the RS presidency so I figured she'd have some dirt on her. (Pun?) She said she was new and had OCD. YA THINK????? I asked her, "does part of her OCD include an aversion to WATER?????"

So I told her, "make no mistake, I'll be getting to the bottom of these bags before the night is over. Because I'm just bold enough to say, 'what's with the bags?'"

Well the night progressed and one gal in the RS presidency said that she wanted to go around the circle and introduce ourselves, mostly because not everyone knew me. (I hadn't been good at going to church or these gatherings) So the first woman goes. "Hi, I'm Blah Blah* and I live down there...we've got the yard with all the trees in it...we've been trimming them...etc."

So like five more people go then it's my turn then it's Bag Lady. She says, "hi my name is BagLady* (yes, one word) (and without even taking a breath she continues) and I had that same thing happen to me with the trees like you were talking about. I was outside with my daughter and right when we came in a branch broke off our tree right where we'd been standing."

Wow. That was a mouthful. It was almost like she'd been ready to BURST waiting for all these other women to go so she could tell that story. So I ask, "is your last name Lady?"

BL: "No."
Me: (.........okaaaaaay.....)
BL: "Just BagLady. Bag if you're in a hurry. BagLady if you've got a little extra time."
Me: (......okaaaaaaay......)

So on we go around the circle and BagLady has a freakin' anecdote (DeNae, is that the right spelling for that word?) for every single thing people say! You'd think that someone with this apparent social disorder would be a little more reserved but NO!!! She yapped through the whole go-in-the-circle thing!

Finally it's cookie time. She walks over to the table which was right next to Blah Blah who asks her, "so...what's with the bags?"

Me: (Booo-yaah! Now I don't have to ask!!!)

BL: "Oh...I'm just crazy."
BB: "No you're not. What is it?"
BL: "OCD"

So then she comes and sits back next to me and proceeds to tell the other gal all about her condition. She went through a major chemical change during the birth of her youngest child. TWENTY-ONE years ago. She said she was genetically pre-disposed to mental illness because her grandmother had basically gone crazy when her grandfather died. See? This is where the story stops being funny. Because I really don't want to make fun of a real illness. Clearly, she's sick. And the saddest part about it is that she knows she's sick. She's got like 5 kids. I wonder what they think about it? How do you watch your mom go through this? How do you not say, "mom, what's with the bags?"

But the question I have is: Is a Wal-Mart sack really cleaner than just, y'know, washing your hands?

So tell me. What are your quirks? Are you "just a quirk or two away from full-on dementia"? (That's one of my favorite lines from Seinfeld. Elaine to Jerry)

*Names have been changed to protect the clinically insane.

My Life These Days

2009-10-16T10:53:00.000-07:00

Oh hi!!! How's it goin'? I know. I know. I've been so lame at blogging lately. My baby makes it pretty much impossible to do anything computer related these days. He has to be in on everything! Right now, though, he's downstairs with Hayden and Avery playing with them. I love that he's old enough to hang out with them but he's still little enough that they don't mind having him around! They're just as entertained by him as Tavis and I are.

So Harley walks now! Not a minute too soon. My older kids didn't walk til they were 15 months but Harley waited til he was 16 months! I'm so glad he's walking. I hated that his hands were always dirty and that I couldn't set him down in public because he'd crawl around all over the Swine Flu infested floors!!!

And he's talking a little. He says ball, bite, dee (drink), bird, brrr (when it's something cold), hot (for y'know...hot stuff) (and even when the oven isn't hot he still says it's hot. So cute!) and then he says, "dah" like 973 million times a day. I have NO IDEA what he's saying. He says it for everything other than the above mentioned words. It. Makes. Me. Crazy. And it's not just "dah". It's "dah?????". Everything he says is a question. (That part actually doesn't make me crazy. It's pretty cute.)

And one more fun little development for Harley is that he's decided to be done sleeping in his crib. Ya...he'll just go ahead and sleep with us now. He's always been a way light sleeper. His whole life. And we've always had to put him to sleep and then put him to bed but he's always stayed asleep while we laid him down. Not anymore. Now he wakes up right when we stand up and he FREAKS when we lay him in his bed. I had to make him cry for TWO HOURS the other day. I know we have to just let him cry and it'll be a rough week or so but I just don't have the energy to fight the fight right now.

So I laid down to take a nap the other day and woke up with pink eye. What the crap??? Ya, in like an hour I developed freakin' eye guts. I went to the urgent care and was so paranoid about getting Swine Flu I almost sent myself into hysterics!

Now Avery and Hayden have pink eye. Oops.

Girls' Weekend was so much fun! It meant a lot for us all to be together. We laughed our butts off and cried and got waxed (not our butts). We ate and hot-tubbed and ate. We rode the Alpine Slide or just stayed on the ski lift and went up and down the mountain. I really can't think of anyone I'd rather be with than my sisters and mom. We have such an incredible bond. I love those women so much.

I love my job.

I'm loving the new fall line-up of TV shows. I realize this just makes me sound really lazy but I am so that works out. My DVR is filling up and I LOVE IT!!! What's your favorite TV show? Have you guys seen the show "Community"? Or "Glee"? So. Freaking. Funny. Of course "The Office" is always a crowd pleaser. Anyway, I love TV.

I miss my dad.

I hate my dogs. Seriously. I'm so sick of them. I have a Yorkie and a mutt of a Schnauzer/Terrier mix. They bark. At everything. And their bark is enough to send me into homicidal rage. It's so embarrassing to have someone come to the door and have my dogs FREAK OUT and then run out the door the second I open it and jump on the person at the door. I don't mind that they bark when they hear noises outside. Especially at night. But I just want them to SHUT UP when I tell them to! And as if waking my baby with their bark wasn't bad enough now the Yorkie (Fluffy) (Hayden named her. Yes, I know it's a cat's name.) is in heat and the mutt (Rocky) was fixed as an infant TEN YEARS AGO but he still insists on grossing me out by trying to "get some" from her! Dude, you're just embarrassing yourself.

I guess that's about it for now. I'm sorry for being MIA on your blogs lately. Like I said, Harley makes it near impossible for me to get any blogging done. I'm gonna go stop by a few blogs right now though!!

Peace out, y'all!

So Sweet!

2009-10-05T13:13:00.000-07:00

Remember the post I did just hours before my world stopped turning? It was the one about my re-baptism and I told you I'd be posting pictures of the most adorable thing EVER!!! Well, here you go!!

My sister-in-law, Alison and I went to the zoo on the 12th of September and we saw that darling baby elephant. She is so freakin' CUTE!! And playful. And fun. There was a time when she was trying to figure out what that long thing at the end of her face was and what she was supposed to do with it. At one time she wrapped her trunk around her foot and actually stepped on it!
We also saw baby tigers and the baby giraffe. Everything is cuter when it's in baby-form! Even mayonnaise jars.

Here's two of the cutest human babies looking at the baby elephant.

You can't really tell the tigers are babies until you see them next to their mama. It really was a fun day.

I'll be back on the blogging wagon soon. Thank you so, so, so much for all of your well-wishes. I just can't tell you enough how much each and every one of you means to me. Whether it's a random text or email telling me you're thinking of me or it's a potted plant or a lunch or a dinner or a visit, it has all been so appreciated. This is definitely the hardest thing I've ever been through. I'd take cancer over this any day. Not an hour goes by that I don't miss my dad. Not a day goes by that I don't cry at least once. The light inside of me has most certainly gone out. But I really do know that it will be lit again.

Girls' Weekend is in THREE DAYS!!!!! Yeeeee-Haaaaaw!!!!! I'm so excited I can hardly stand it. We're gong to Park City this year. And this is the first year our sisters-in-law are coming, so yay!! (They've always been invited, just haven't been able to make it.) Although our dad hasn't ever been at a Girls' Weekend, I think it'll mean more this year. The desire to be together is stronger than it's ever been. I look forward to laughing and playing with the women in my family.

Thanks, again, to all of you!

Oh, How I'll Miss Him

2009-09-13T22:28:00.000-07:00

DeNae did a post about our dad on her blog, too. Please go read it as well.

Of course we all know this day will come. There's just never enough time to prepare. No amount of warning will make it feel better. I'd love to tell you what a great man my father was. And I will. But not today. I'm so, so, so sad. I miss him so badly already. I wasn't done with him. I still needed my dad.

I will forever be grateful that I was able to give him what he wanted most from me. The words of my bishop have been running through my mind since last night.

"without question that this is the time for you to be re-baptized. I'm not sure why it's now, but I received revelation that the Lord needs you back now. That NOW is the time for you. I know that in time it will be revealed to us just how important the timing of this is, but for now I just know that it's not by accident that you've chosen now to come back."

That's what my dad wanted from me the most. When he showed me the piece of paper with my name and a blank line next to it and told me he wanted that line filled in before he died, I made up my mind to make it so.

I love you , My Daddy. I miss you so much it hurts.

My dad and Harley on Father's Day 2009

My dad and Harley when Harley was 2 days old.

My dad's last Christmas with Avery and my nephew, Tanner

My dad was the only one from my family that could come to Harley's first birthday party.

Family was the most important thing to my dad. He loved us so much and no father was more loved than our dad.

Spiritual Sunday

2009-09-12T20:05:00.000-07:00

Here is the unedited version of my guest post on MMB. It's kinda long so feel free to skim or just "mark as read" and move on.

Have a great Sunday!! (And stay tuned for pictures of the CUTEST thing you've ever seen!!!)

I have been so blessed to have been born and raised in the Gospel. What a gift it was to have been sent to parents whose testimonies had already been set in stone. Their faith has always been unfaltering. I went to Primary every Sunday. I was baptized when I was 8. I went to Young Women's every week and I LOVED it. As I look at the youth of today (and even some of my sisters) I realize that the experience I had in the Youth program was quite rare. I lived for activities night. I counted the minutes til girls camp. And cried for a week after it was over. I loved my leaders. I loved my bishoprics. All (and I do mean ALL) of my friends were in my ward and I really, truly liked going to church. I wasn't a rebellious teenager. How could I be? I was diagnosed with cancer a month before I turned 17 and started my first treatment the day after my birthday. I had to be home-schooled for 3 months. I missed out on the dance team that I'd worked so hard to make and I was sick during the try-outs for my senior year. I only saw my friends at church and even then it was different. They didn't know how to act around me. So my parents became my best friends. It was their friendship that got me through that time of my life. And it was during that time that I gained my own set-in-stone testimony. I had a closer relationship with my Father in Heaven during that time than I've ever had. Up to and including now.

Two years after I was declared to be in remission, I relapsed. I was a year out of high school and had a steady boyfriend. We'd moved from my home "town" (more of a city than a town) to a new, literal, town. The odds were very much against my survival this time. This time I was FILLED with cancer. This time I was so incredibly sick. But this time I had my own testimony to draw upon. Don't get me wrong. My parents' faith was still going to get me through but now we were all armed with it. And after an amazing blessing from my former bishop (and another former bishop who died of cancer a year later), I started the 7 months of chemotherapy knowing I'd beat this cancer again.

And I did.

I finished my treatments three years to the day after I was diagnosed the very first time. I was now almost twenty. I'd had cancer twice. (It was Hodgkin's Disease, by the way. I don't think I said that yet.) Looking back, it's almost as if I opened my eyes on the day I was no longer a teenager and really began my life. My boyfriend and I had broken up the day before my birthday. I was cancer free. I was living in a new place. My dad was about to be my bishop. My mom and I were best friends. It was a great time in my life.

I met and married my first husband. We were married in the temple. We had two kids. We were best friends. Life really was good.

So why am I telling you all of this? I want to show just how BLESSED I have been. How much I've been given in my life. I don't think that what happened next can be understood unless you understand all I'd been blessed with. Because seven years after I got married (eight years after I "opened my eyes") I chose to give it all up. I chose to say, "thank you, Heavenly Father, for all You've done for me. For my good health, my beautiful babies, my really nice husband. But I'm going to take a pass for now."

My husband and I split up. I went on a path for the next several months that was in the complete opposite direction as the path I'd been on my whole life. I went from one end of the "spiritual spectrum" to the exact other end.

My actions led me to a disciplinary court. Where it was explained to me that if I were to change my ways, right then; recommit myself to the Lord then I would be able to keep my membership. I know the church doesn't like to excommunicate people. I know the Lord works in ways of love, not punishment. But I made the decision to throw it all away.

I was surprised at how much it really did affect me. At that point in my life I really thought I didn't need the Lord. I didn't need the church. I was "happy". But as I walked home from the church I cried and cried.

I had already felt the absence of the Holy Ghost. I wasn't as patient with my kids as I had once been. I was glad to have them be with their dad because I knew he was a much better parent for them than I was. Things weren't going well at my job. I was angry and hostile to my ex-husband when, really, he hadn't done anything wrong. But having it be official. Having the bishop tell me I was excommunicated just rocked me.

I went on with my life. I continued down that path for a time. But that eventually got old. I was ready to settle down again. I'd already changed my ways with my kids. I was back to being the kind of mom they needed. I had a new and much better job. I still was completely inactive but in my heart I still believed.

I met Tavis and married him 9 months later. He's the love of my life. We got married in May, 2006 and that following Thanksgiving, my dad had a heart attack. He didn't die but it shook me. A month or so after his heart attack he came to me and showed me a piece of paper. It was a list of all of his kids with our birthdates, date of sealing for my oldest sister, and our baptism dates. But next to my name it was blank. Blank. I was a blank line! He told me he wanted, more than anything, for that line to be filled in before he died.

Well, absolutely. Who knew how much time he had left? The chances of another heart attack after a first are really good. So I decided it was time. After several meetings with my bishop we got it figured out that I could be re-baptized. And the only thing it was really going to require of me was that I, y'know, go to church. Everything else in my life was back within the Gospel standards. We decided it would be the same day my 8 year old daughter was baptized. But an hour before hers as not to take anything away from her special day.

Boy did the adversary work on me! Tavis and I fought more than we ever had. I didn't want to go to church. It was so easy to find reasons not to go. But I knew why I was having those feelings. And I did my best to ignore them.

At my disciplinary council the bishopric took a long time to deliberate. Longer than I thought should be necessary, frankly. I knew I was ready. Why were they having such a hard time figuring it out?

My bishop came out of his office and told me he'd forgotten to give me the baptismal interview. (I'm not kidding.) After the interview he was quiet. He finally said, "do you think we're rushing this?"

My heart sank. I couldn't believe he was saying this. I had enough faith, though, to know that if he wasn't getting the confirmation he needed from the Lord then I'd just have to wait.

But I this is what I told him:"The only thing we're rushing is the paper-work. (Because of my wanting to do it the same day as my daughter.) During the last five years my life has gone down every possible road. But my faith, my testimony, has never faltered. I've never stopped believing in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Not one time. I most certainly stopped living it, but I never stopped loving it. My faith is not being rushed. My readiness is not being rushed. All that's being rushed is getting it down on paper."

So he went back in with his counselors and they deliberated again. He called me back in and delivered the most poignant speech I'd ever been given. He said, "Thank you for giving the Spirit time to work. I went from being unsure about your readiness to knowing without question that this is the time for you to be re-baptized. I'm not sure why it's now, but I received revelation that the Lord needs you back now. That NOW is the time for you. I know that in time it will be revealed to us just how important the timing of this is, but for now I just know that it's not by accident that you've chosen now to come back."

Wow. I was speechless.

Which was OK because one of the counselors had this to add, "First, I want to thank you for your courage. It can't have been easy to come and meet with four men you barely know (this was the first time I'd even laid eyes on this man), and put your faith in us. So, thank you. Next, I want to tell you that I've got a general testimony that God loves everyone. But tonight I received a testimony that God loves you. And I'm so thankful to have been in on this council so that I could gain that testimony."

So I was baptized the following Saturday. My dad baptized me when I was 8 and he baptized and confirmed me again. People kept asking if I was so excited??? And the correct answer, of course, was YES!!! But really? No. Because I didn't feel like anything was going to change. All it was was a piece of paper. But as was pointed out to me by a friend, the commitment would be stronger. And she was right. I was wrong to have down-played it so much. I didn't want a big thing. Your first baptism is something to celebrate, not your second. But when the day came, I was truly EXCITED!!! (And not just because my sisters had come from out of town to be there!) I came out of the water feeling a lot like I did on my 20th birthday. My life was really going to begin. Again.

I've got a beautiful baby boy, now. And what I want next is to be sealed to him. But for now, I'll bask in the peace that having the Holy Ghost back in my life has given me. I'll never take that peace for granted again. I'll never let my Heavenly Father down again. My faith is renewed. My commitment is stronger than ever. And my life is right where I want it to be!

First Day of School Pictures...Two Weeks Late

2009-09-02T23:00:00.000-07:00

Hayden and Avery

Hayden, 5th grade

Avery, 3rd grade

Going to school in the buggy

Believe it or not...he really is smiling.

Tavis took the kids to school in the buggy.
Harley on the first day of school.

I thought it was way cute and fun for Tavis to take the kids to school in the bug on the first day. My sister, Jill, had this to say about their ride, "Lucky!!! Gosh all I ever had was the station wagon and praying it wouldn't die in front of the school. Oh wait, that was jr. high. We walked our sorry butts to elementary, up hill both ways, in the snow with bread bags over our socks to avoid them being soaked by the time we got there...true story. Most of it."

I'm pretty sure the bread bags part is TRUE!!! DeNae can verify that but I actually remember wearing bread bags or was it a lunch sack over my head?

So far school is fine. I really freakin' hate school. I hated it when I was in it and I hate it when my kids are in it. I hate doing homework with them. I hate getting up early. I hate feeling guilty when I've sent them to school with barely even a Pop-Tart in their belly. I hate bed time. I hate it all. Mostly I hate that it means summer is over and it's going to get cold soon. Even though Autumn is one of my most favorite times of the year. The mountains are absolutely gorgeous in the fall. I love Halloween. I love Candy Corns. I love the fall colors. I love that Girls' Weekend is coming up. I love the new fall line-up of TV shows. In my perfect world we'd go from Halloween to February 1st (my birthday) to Easter over night. Or over two nights. I could seriously do without all the other stuff in between. And by "stuff" I mean "snow". Ugh...I've got to stop thinking about it before I have a panic attack!

Happy Weekend Eve!!!

And For My Next Act...Episode Two

2009-08-29T21:18:00.000-07:00

Hellllllooooo!!!!! Betcha thought I burned my old job to the ground and went into hiding, huh? Nope. I'm not a vindictive person. I am, however, a huge believer of karma and I'm sure that what goes around will come around. The best revenge is living well, right? (What a load of crap.)

So I started at Outback. It's really been stressful! The menu's so much bigger than Rib City's. And there's so much to know with all the steaks, cuts, sizes, temps, etc. Some meals come with already decided sides, some come with the customer's choice of side dish. UGH!!! It's so much to remember!

I took my server test today and passed so at least that's over with. And today was my first day all by myself and I only had 2 tables and still managed to screw up one of them. I just forgot to put in their order. What?? Is that bad? They were really nice about it, though. I told 'em I was new and they were very cool.

So here's a fun little story for ya! First, let me paint a picture for you: On one side of the restaurant there's five tables that seat six people. Then across the aisle is a long bench with three or four tables with chairs on the other side and the tables can be pushed together for big parties. All of these tables were full. All of them.

On Thursday night it was my last night of training before I was on my own (today). Which basically meant I was doing everything and my trainer was just there to make sure I didn't screw up. So I go to a table of 5 and tell them I'm brand new, blah, blah, blah. Took their drink orders and went back to get their drinks. On my way back to the table (in the dining room) there was a puddle of water...I slipped and FELL DOWN!!!!! All the way down! And spilled the drinks all over the place!!! All over me. All over the floor. And on one of the girls I was taking the drinks to! I. Could. Have. Died.

Of course everyone was all "are you OK??" I just wanted to tell them to SHUT UP!!! DON'T TALK TO ME!!! You know how it is? You just want people to not talk and you'll be fine. So I go in the back and people start telling me they'd done the exact same thing. One girl dropped a whole tray of steak and lobster so at least it was cheap drinks I spilled but holy crap!!! Just freakin' kill me, please! So again, people keep asking if I'm OK. Which I was, so SHUT THE HELL UP!!! If I'm not dead, I'm fine. So of course...I get all weepy. Like a stupid girl. I wasn't hurt at all. The fall seemed to go in slow motion so I was fine. I went in the bathroom and my friend got me a new shirt and I cried. Not like full blown tears but, y'know, just weepy. I texted Tavis and told him I'd just eaten sh*t and spilled a whole tray of drinks. He laughed. 'Cause it really is FUNNY!!!!

I collected what very, very little dignity I had left and went back out to my table. (My trainer had, of course, taken over by now.) I asked if they liked the circus act and they asked what my encore was going to be. We laughed and all was well.

Can you even believe it?? People, I just wanted to put my head in the ground and DIE!!! (Have you seen Madagascar 2?) I never had that even come close to happening at Rib City and then it occurred to me why...the dining room is carpeted there. At Outback it's hard wood.

So after that, things could only improve. Remember this? I would take that with a side of me being buck naked compared to this. At least now I don't have to worry about the first time I fall/spill a bumload of drinks! And I also finally have an answer to the question, "what's your most embarrassing moment?" Although I really could have gone my whole life without an answer to that.

Things have been crazy-busy around here. Tavis is back to work (YAY!!!), Harley's been sooooooo sick (more about that on another post), school has started, I've been hip-deep in new job/training/studying for the server test, family in town (YAY!!!). So I'll be better at blogging soon. Having Harley be sick has pretty much kicked mine and Tav's butts. He's been way clingy and needing to be held. He doesn't sleep worth a crap right now. As soon as he's better I'll be back on the blogging horse! Until then, I'll be trying to keep the shiny-side-up at work!!!

I Did It

2009-08-10T22:12:00.001-07:00

Rib City Grill has screwed me for the last time. I walked out on my shift tonight. I start working at Outback next week!!! I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am! My good friend D'laina got me the job there. I will forever be in her debt!

Thanks for "listening" to me whine about all the crap. I'm so relieved to be done. I'll for sure miss the girls I worked with. And the yummy ribs. But I'm sure I'll love the ribs at Outback even more. (Especially since they won't be served up with a side of BULL CRAP!!!) So everyone needs to come see me there! It's the one in Orem.

Yaaaaaaaay ME!!!

Random Crap

2009-08-07T19:23:00.000-07:00

My children are freakin' exhibitionists. They cannot potty or shower or bathe with the door closed. I'm sure their habits formed when it was just the three of us in our little apartment during the time I was divorced. Any mom knows that when you have little ones, shutting the door to potty isn't a reality. I find myself leaving it open now when it's just Harley and me at home. I should change my ways right now.

So I was at the E Center the other night working in the Rib City concessions stand and I needed to go...number 2. Now, like pretty much every female I know, this is a home-seater event. But as I was far from home, I was going to have to do this in the public restroom. So i go in there and there's easily 20 stalls along one wall and then another 5 or so across the aisle. So I put myself in the far corner, very end stall to ensure the most privacy. Let me also point out that this restroom was at the end of a very long hall and was getting very little traffic. So I sit myself down and prepare to...y'know...go. Not one minute into it did someone come in and sit RIGHT NEXT TO ME!!! "What the crap??" (No pun intended.) (Yes, it was.), I think to myself. "This woman has the ENTIRE restroom to choose from and she has to sit right by me when I'm doing this." Duh!!!

Do you have any "blog friends" that you've never met but you really want to meet because you're certain you'd be great friends? And you sometimes daydream about having her live next to you, so your kids could play and you and she could hang out and laugh because you just KNOW you've got the same personalities and the same sense of humor and you really don't have any friends that live by you that you can just totally be yourself with but you KNOW you could be with this friend? Ya, me neither.

My baby isn't really a baby anymore. I mean, he is. But he doesn't have that baby look anymore. He doesn't walk yet and for the past month I've just been ready for him to walk. He gets everywhere he wants to go, anyway. I'd just like him to walk there! Well, now I'm thinking I'll be sad when he walks. That's a huge milestone for a baby! Toddlers walk. Not babies. (Except my nephew, who walked at 7 1/2 months.) And since I'm not having anymore babies (it's true, mom), it kinda makes me sad to think about my last baby taking his first steps.

School starts in less than two weeks. I go into almost complete hysterics when I think about this. Here in Utah we got hugely ripped off during June because it rained the whole freakin' month. Then we have a bumload of holidays in July which makes it go by fast and now school is about to start. I pretty much have a panic attack when I think of getting up early and getting the kids ready for school. Doing breakfast and homework and bedtime. Ugh. I've got to stop thinking about it.

I was all by myself last Saturday (bliss!) so I went to see Harry Potter (shut up). They turn you loose with the butter for the popcorn. They've got a dispenser and you can just load your popcorn up! So I had her fill it up half way with popcorn, then I buttered, then had her fill the rest of the bag with popcorn, then I buttered some more. Well, guess what? The movie theater owes me a new pair of shorts because I got butter all over mine. They should know better than to leave me to my own devices when it comes to movie-theater popcorn and butter.

Ever since I discovered how to update my facebook profile status via text message, I've become really narcissistic. Like every move I make I feel like I want to fb it! As if anyone gives a damn! "Amber is...going to change the laundry." "Amber is...gonna have a Pepsi." "Amber is...the most self absorbed person ever to walk the earth." These thoughts run through my brain All. Day. Long.

I need new jeans.

OK, Here's What Happened...

2009-08-02T12:10:00.000-07:00

First, thank you so much for all of your input! You guys are so freakin' awesome. Not even kidding. I love you all!!!! For a lot of you, this will be just the same as the email I sent you after your comment. But I lost track of who I sent it to and who I didn't so here it is. Thanks again!!!

Next, I know. I know. I know. I need to find a new job.

Tuesday night I was helping my table doing exactly what I described on the post. There were two other servers on and a manager. I looked around when the phone rang and saw no one was going to answer it. But it's not my job to get the phone. It's the manager's. Who is CONSTANTLY in the back of the joint smoking. (Or lately, he's decided that smoking in FRONT of the place is much more classy and will attract more customers) And last night he was back there smoking AND on his cel phone to his son.

Well, I'm with most of you. (I'm looking at you, Sher) People that have taken the time to get in their car and leave their home to come to eat dinner take priority over any yahoo on their couch, at home, on the phone. So I didn't run to get the phone. After I finished with my table the phone was still ringing (going on 5 or 6 rings) so I went and answered it. (Knowing that if it was "T",the owner, she'd be mad that it had rung so many times.)

Of course, it's her.

T: What's going on?!?! Are you guys busy? What are you doing?
Me: I was talking to my table. J was talking to her table. K was in the back and I guess John's outside smoking.
T: Well this phone needs to be answered in 3 rings!
Me: Ya, I know but I was talking to my table.
T: Well, you need to excuse yourself and answer the phone!!! If it's a to-go order and the phone rings too many times they'll thing we're closed.
Me: (In a very non-snotty tone of voice. For real.) So you want us to leave our table and answer the phone?
T: YES!!! That's what the lunch people do! Have John call me.

Click.

So after about ten minutes John comes back in and I tell him to call T. A few minutes after he gets off the phone with her and I say, "well I guess I got us all in trouble by letting the phone ring too many times".
John: Ya, I don't know what you said to her but she's so mad at you. She's really really mad. She told me to cut you and send you home.
Me: Really? OK.

(So I guess I'd have been better off to not have answered the phone at all. Because I took all the heat for it!! And am I the only one who picked up on the fact that I DID answer the phone??? ME. I'm the one who ran over and got it the very first free second I had. And I got my a** chewed for it.)

He goes on to make excuses that his son only ever calls like once a week and he's got like two (more like 30) minutes to talk to him and he should have been able to talk to him and have things get taken care of inside. Well, yes. That's true. But we didn't know he was outside. Furthermore, it's not like we were pickin' our noses!! It's so ridiculous there. It sucks to work at a place where you don't feel like your superiors are ever on your side. Or on the side of their customers. They only care about the bottom line. They have NO loyalties to their staff. They closed their store in Sandy and didn't tell any of the employees. They came to work the next day and found a note on the door. People's paychecks are bouncing and T won't return their phone calls.

We are the ones keeping that place in business. The servers. You could have the best food on earth but if the service sucks, nobody will go back. Likewise, you could have semi-good food and great severs and get people to come back again and again. There isn't a shift that goes by that I don't have at least one table tell me I "did great." "You're so much fun!" "What's your name? We want you when we come back!" I get at least one of these comments every time I work.

So yes, I need a new job. I don't work tomorrow and I'm taking the day to go apply at every restaurant in town. And when I leave I'll let them all know that I'm so sick of the management screwing up and making me take the heat for it. And I also realize that the longer I stay there and complain about it the dumber I look. So I promise this is the last rant I do about my job.

A Survey

2009-07-29T10:26:00.000-07:00

If you were out to dinner and your server had just brought your meal and was explaining things to you (like the differences in the BBQ sauces on your table, etc.) and answering other questions you had and the phone started to ring and your server excused herself to answer the phone...how would you feel about that?

Be honest. And ask around! I need as much input on this as I can get. I'll tell you what one server (me) did after I hear from you.

Wordless Wednesday...I'm just too little...

2009-07-22T09:43:00.001-07:00

Warning: Lame Post Ahead

2009-07-17T11:01:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone!! I'm just checking in to let you know I'm still alive and well. The dinner on Friday night was the most fun I've had in a long time (except for the way fun lunch I had on the previous Tuesday). (Melissa did a great post about it so go here and see her goods. No, not literal goods. Just the post she did. Naughties.) It was so fun to meet new people and to get to know my other friends better. I always have fun with my sisters and that night I got to have TWO of them there! WOOT!!! I'm hoping my niece's ears have stopped melting by now. She was fine with all the "grown-up-married-people" talk until her mom started in. I'm guessing the LAST people she wants to hear anything like that about is her parents...unless it's MY parents.

So last weekend was awesome. I'm working on a post about it for MMB so stay tuned.

I got in trouble at work the other night for the most ridiculous thing ever so I'd love to find a new place to work. Anyone need a live-in waitress???

Summer's half over and I haven't done anything too exciting. Haven't even been to the pool!!! I'm still pasty white. We're going out of town for the 24th of July and that'll be fun. But before that we're going to see Kenny Chesney!!! HOLLA!!! (I like to go to grown-up concerts, Vanessa)

That's it. Lame post. I'll leave a cute picture of Harley for you to make up for the lack of blog fodder! Have a great weekend!!

He LOVES to play in the sand! He's a digger, just like his dad!!

Alright, Peeps. Here's the 411.

2009-07-06T15:00:00.000-07:00

OK, I've made a reservation at the Skybox at The Gateway for 7:00 pm. That way the working moms can get home & get their fams situated before they ditch 'em for the rest of the night.
The Skybox is at the very north end of the mall on the upper level. Next to Lane Bryant. Not that any of us has to shop there. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
If you're coming and you haven't told me or DeNae, please do so NOW!!! The room we have isn't huge so I want to be sure we have enough room.
If you need any more deets email me or leave your comment here! See you Friday!!

PS Lori, you wanna ride together? I'm picking Wendy up on the way. Because you're coming, Wendy!!! Oh yes you are!

Meet and Greet!!!

2009-07-02T12:06:00.000-07:00

Hey, guess what??? DeNae is coming to town! So in an attempt to reach Kristina P. level coolness, we're having a meet and greet!

It'll be July 10th. It'll be a dinner. It'll be in the Salt Lake area somewhere. Please, please, please come!!!

Either email me or comment here if you can make it.

It's Always The Last Place You Look

2009-07-01T14:26:00.000-07:00

After more than two looooong weeks of getting up off the couch to turn up and down our TV (a task made even more difficult because the knob is behind a glass door which we have to keep barricaded so Harley doesn't get into it), we (I) have found the remote!!!

You're looking at the cupboard which holds our TV on top and in the cabinets is all of Harley's toys. (That would be "Ghostbusters" on the tv and look to the left...that's where the volume is. See the big silver thing in its way? Yeah.) In an act of desperation, I unloaded all the toys out of it and guess what???? It was in there! Seriously, can't begin to describe how good it feels to sit on my bu....couch and turn on and off and up and down the volume. I'm waaaaaaay too skinny for all the exercise I was getting by walking the 12 feet to the stereo.

Thanks for all of your suggestions. I really did check the fridge, the garbage (again), not the spices because I keep them up high, the heat registers, the drawers in the kitchen and bathroom. The town I live in hates the earth so I didn't have a recycle bin to check.

All is right at the Stubbs home again.

Where, Oh Where?

2009-06-28T18:15:00.000-07:00

If you were a one-year-old where would you hide the remote?

And don't say couch cushions, we've checked there. Twice.

A List

2009-06-18T14:32:00.000-07:00

The other day my visiting teachers came over. The two girls assigned to me are actually friends of mine. One lives across the street and the other is her best friend. They're really fun. I don't ever hang out with them but I talk to my neighbor when we're both outside and she's way good at food storage and having lots of stuff on hand to bake with so she's my go-to guy when it comes to borrowing sugar, flour, eggs, etc.

So let me give you a little history. I'm a cancer survivor, remember? I had Hodgkin's disease when I was 17 and again when I was 19. Well during my first bout with it I had radiation therapy to my throat, neck, part of my mouth, chest and under my arms. Now, several years later, I can't swallow my food worth a damn. It always get stuck in my throat. I'm certain it's scar tissue built up from the radiation. I've had my esophagus stretched twice and it always comes back. This past year I discovered the only thing that helps food go down: pop. Which works out since I'm addicted to Diet Pepsi, anyway. (Yes, DeNae and Sher...PEPSI) So now I have to drink pop with every meal. And lots of it. The only thing I can eat without choking in cereal. And even then, it still has a hard time going down. The worst food is bread and meat. But lately it's been everything. Pasta, rice, lettuce. Pretty much everything. It's hard to suppress 33 years of eating habits. Normally when a person eats their tongue and throat just automatically start to work the food down the throat. Well, I have to focus on keeping it all in my mouth and chew it to oblivion. And to remember to take small bites. Not that I take HUGE bites, but I have to intentionally take small bites. So the first bite I take of any meal is usually too big and I don't usually chew it good enough. This is mostly a nuisance. I do throw up about every single day. Food just gets caught and it won't go down. I'm not really choking, in that I can still breathe and talk. But the food is just sitting there. I start to salivate like you do before you throw up. And I can always tell right away when it's just not gonna happen and I'm gonna have to go put my finger down my throat and get it up. I know. This is way graphic. Sorry.

Well, one time I was eating Cafe Rio (yum!) and I took a bite of chicken (seems to be the WORST thing for me to eat. Which is awesome since I love chicken.) and it got stuck. So I take a drink. Still stuck. Another drink. Even more stuck. So I get up to "fix it" and realize I'm not going to be able to make it to the bathroom and I start heaving into the garbage can. And for the first time ever, I actually choked. Like full-on, not breathing, panicking, sheer terror, choking. Luckily Tavis was there. He didn't actually have to do anything because I eventually worked it out but when it was done I was so scared to think what would have happened if I hadn't worked it out and he hadn't been there?? Ya. So now I'm really nervous to eat when he's not home or when my kids aren't home. At least they can call 911 if they need to.

So if you're ever out to eat with me and it seems like I'm drinking an inordinate amount of Diet Coke (since most places are jerks and don't serve Pepsi), don't judge me. It's because I'm doing my best to get my food to my stomach!

OK, fast forward to my VT's coming over. I had just fixed me a PB & J sandwich for breakfast (shut up). They come in and get settled. I take ONE bite of my sandwich and I realize it's not going down. Drink my Pepsi. Nothing. So I tell them that I have to be right back. I get up and walk the, I don't know, 6 feet toward my front door and realize I'm not gonna make it to the bathroom so I stick my head out the front door and try to "work it out". Well, guess what? Cafe Rio all over again! I started to FULL-ON choke! So there I am choking and gasping for breath and spewing Pepsi all over my porch while my poor friends are in the house not knowing what the hell is going on! This whole episode lasted about 20 seconds, but it seemed like FOREVER. When I stopped choking, I walked back inside and the look on their faces was one of sheer dumbfoundedness. (Is that a word?) So I sat back down and explained to them what just happened and I realized that the bite hadn't gone down (or up) all the way, still. So I took my Pepsi and went to the bathroom and got it all "worked out".

So, on to my list.

How to Look Dumb in Front of Your Visiting Teachers:

1. Throw up on your front porch.

2. Say "ass". A lot. Before you realize you've said it. A lot.

Do You Know What Today Is???

2009-06-17T00:00:00.000-07:00

IT'S DENAE'S BIRTHDAY!!!!!

Why are you still here? Get over there and wish her happy birthday!!!

Birthday Fun!

2009-06-10T15:18:00.000-07:00

Warning: Picture overload ahead. You're welcome.

Last Saturday was Avery's birthday party.

This is the kids in their "crash posistions" on the airplane thingie.

She had a Hawaiian party. This is the first birthday party I've ever given her. Ya, I'm mother of the year like that. So I send out like almost 20 invitations. One for each of the girls in her class as well as a few others. I put at the bottom where it says RSVP to call or text. Which should mean that I really do wanna know who's coming and who's not, right? Or not. I only got about 5 RSVP's so I was nervous that she wouldn't have a good turnout. Plus that the freaking WAD I spent would go to waste. But as luck would have it, 9 girls showed up. So including her there were 10 girls and Hayden. That was perfect. They did potato sack races. (Actually, I use the term "race" very loosely here. There was no finish line. No prize. Just who could get to the sand box and back the fastest.) Kids are so dang awesome! They had such a good time doing that "race". After a couple there-and-backs they split up and did a few races with just a couple kids. "Race" around the trampolie, etc. They just made up their own rules and had so much fun! Good kids. Notice Hayden on the left side of the picture. It's hard to tell the difference between this picture of him and the next one of him. He's so dang funny.

Then I had bought a thing that you put your face in and took their pictures. (Crap, that reminds me I need to get those printed and send them to the kids!) Scott and Tavis and Hayden and kind of Harley got their pictures taken, too. Way fun.

Then we did cupcakes. Every Wednesday after work the girls I work with and I go to Chili's for chips and salsa. Our waitress, Alisha, does professional cupcakes so I had her make Avery some and put them in the shape of an 8. They were chocolate with peanut butter cream filling. YUMMMMY!!! She put crushed graham crackers down to look like sand and added sea shells and umbrella. I put the flowers on them to make 'em look like a lei. She said she could do that, too, but I had already bought the lei and just cut it up and stuck them on. It was so freakin' cute! Seriously, if you have any event that you want DELICIOUS cupcakes for, go visit her! She's darling and so accommodating and makes a bad-A cupcake!

Then we did presents. She got a lot of really great stuff! He friends (parents) totally hooked her up! By this time it was 11:50. Really? I have to entertain these kids for another 40 mins??? But Tavis said they'd be fine to just play in the sand box and the creek and he was right! Those kids had so much fun! She's got some really fun, cute friends. And the best part was we found out one them lives by us! See, we don't really go to church very often. And my kids never go to church with me because they go to their dad's every weekend and they go to church with him. So we really don't know what kids live by us that they go to school with. Plus, we live at the very tip corner of our ward so it's likely that the kids that live right by us don't go to our church, anyway.

So finally at freakin' 12:50 (the party was supposed to go from 11-12:30) the last kid's mom picked her up. OK, that's a funny story. This little cutie shows up in a sarong and has dark skin and dark hair. She looks Hawaiian or Polynesian at least. So my ex, Scott, says to her, "are you Hawaiian?" She says, "no, it's a sarong." Oh. OK. So he says, "no, are you Hawaiian?" "No. It's a sarong." I'm laughing under my breath.

So this little cutie is the last to have her mom come which gave me time to talk to her. Scott was taking the kids home with him for the rest of the weekend so he was waiting with me. (Tavis was inside feeding Harley lunch.) My kids and their cousin were piled in his car, just waiting for this girl's mom to come. Anyway, we're all kinda hanging out on the driveway. So I ask her, "where do you get your beautiful brown skin and dark hair? What's your last name?" She tells me a perfectly NON-Polynesian name. So I say, "where's your mom from?" She says, "um....California."

Huh. "Where's your dad from?"

"California, too."

Clearly, I'm not going to get it out of this kid where she's from. And it didn't matter, obviously. We were just curious. She really is SUCH a cute girl! And her name's not bad, either. It's Amber. So I just finally say, "well you've got beautiful skin and your hair is so cute!"

"Well, I'm part Indian so that's why."

AND THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREEEEE!!!! (I wasn't about to go into "feather" or "dot".)

Anyway, her mom finally got there and cute little part-Indian Amber left.

Then I went to work that night and guess who came to see me??? VANESSA!!! It was Dillon's birthday and he and I bonded at lunch a few weeks ago and he CHOSE to go to Rib City just to see me. How freakin' cool is that?? I love that kid! He's adorable!!!

So it was a great day. The weather was perfect but for a little wind. Avery had a ton of fun. I had a ton of fun watching her have fun. And then I got to see Vanessa and her darling family.

Awesome.

So I'm probably going to be doing some posting over at Rib City Grill's blog. My boss is under the impression I actually know what the hell I'm doing when it comes to blogging. She obviously hasn't spent much time over here. Go visit if you get the chance!

And a Hush Falls Over the Crowd

2009-06-08T22:55:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the next stop on the "Solitude" blog tour! It's good to have you here!

Let me tell you a story.

My baby doesn't sleep through the night very often anymore. I'll go into details in a later post. But know this: we're all a little sleep deprived, lately. The first week of summer was kind of hard on me. I've been stressed to the max with Tav's job and Harley not sleeping and the kids being home all day. It's kinda wiggin' me out.

So last week, true to form, Hayden and Avery were sniping at each other. We were getting in the car to go shopping and the bickering was about who got the front seat or something equally as important. ("You had it last time!" "No you did!" "I get it on the way home!") So I went to check the mail and guess what??? Sher's CD was in there! YAY!!!!

After clearing it with Avery that I wasn't ejecting the Hannah Montana sound track, I put in the CD. I turned it right to track 6 because I knew they'd recognize it. As soon as "I Am a Child of God" started the bickering stopped. They listened. They hummed along. They asked who it was and I told them it was my friend. Avery said, "she's incredible." (She can't say her "r's" so she actually said, "she's incwedible".) She looked over the back of the CD cover and asked Hayden if they knew a couple of the other songs. We listened to it the whole way to the store and not one time did they snipe at each other. It was so calming.

Then, tonight I was going to work. I was a little apprehensive about tonight's shift for some reason. I knew Owner was the manager on duty and I was still a little sore about my bad night (which I took down because it was done and over with and I didn't want it there anymore) and the fact that I never got an apology from her. Anyway, I got to work about ten minutes early. So I started Sher's CD again. And again the calming feeling came over me. And I had a pretty good night.

I am AMAZED at how talented this girl is. I have such respect for people (like DeNae) who can hear in their minds how they want a song to sound and then have the ability to put in down on paper and make it sound really good! That they know that this instrument will sound with that one and that it will sound good and they're right!

Sherrie Shepherd is truly, truly gifted. Her album "Solitude" A Collection of Inspirational Piano Solos really is "incwedible".

(And for my non-LDS friends, let me just tell you that it's not all LDS music. Promise.)

This Is Where I Live

2009-06-03T06:00:00.000-07:00

Just up the street from me, perhaps a block, is this. I know I cuss Utah. I'll always hate the winters here. They'll always last too long. But when spring and summer finally arrive, all those 12 million inches of snow are just a distant bad memory. And this takes their place. And this is where I live. How lucky am I?

Happy Birthday, Avery!!!!!

2009-06-02T06:00:00.000-07:00

(I did two posts in a row today. No, it's not Christmas. Feels like it, though, huh?)

Today my baby girl turns 8. She's such a sweet girl. Seriously, she's my saving grace. Every mom needs a daughter. I couldn't have asked for a better one than her. These pictures are of her at her dance concert last week. Isn't she beautiful???

She's so funny. She's got the best sence of humor. She's clever and witty and fast with her comebacks. Makes her mama proud! And best of all? She looks just like me!!!

I love you, Avery! You're the best daughter EVER!!!

Eeeeeeeeeek!!!!!

2009-06-01T21:56:00.000-07:00

Oh. My. Gosh.

Let me just tell you about my night at work tonight. (No, this isn't my "terrible night" story.) One of the servers I work with told me I had a table of two. That's all she said. So I go walking up to my table (first table of the night), and facing me was......JERRY SLOAN!!!!! That's right. The winningest coach in NBA history with a single team. The longest tenured coach with a single franchise of all major professional sports. There are only two other coaches in NBA history to have 10 straight winning seasons: Pat Riley and Red Auerbach. Not to mention all his wins with the Chicago Bulls. Which reminds me...he's TALL!! I know he played in the NBA and obviously you gotta be tall, but I was surprised at how tall he is! Like 6'5".

I walked up to him and his wife and said, "Oh my gosh. Wow."
He said, "I gotta eat my ribs with two hands just like everyone else."
Me: "I can't believe you're at my table. My name is Amber."
Sloan: "This is my wife, Tammy."
Me: "Nice to meet you. Oh my goodness. My heart is beating a mile a minute, now."

So they order their drinks (him a raspberry lemonade and water and her iced tea) and each got a full rack of baby back ribs. He got a baked potato with butter only and baked beans. She got a baked potato and cole slaw.

So I go to the back and called Tavis and told him to get down there! Which, of course, he didn't. I also asked the girl that seated him if she knew who he was. She didn't realize it was him. DUH!!!

I took them their drinks and said, "I would just like to say that I have so much respect for you. You're amazing. I don't want to bug you but I just want to tell you that I think you're incredible."

Him: "Thank you."

So I send out a mass text: Guess who's at my table tonight??? JERRY SLOAN!!! Eeeeeeeek!

Here's the replies I got:

Niki: Are you kidding me? How many peeps are with him? He better tip you good!
Jill: Holy!!! Eek is right!! Good luck! Let me know how much he tips you!
Jason: Show him your boobs.
Kim: AWESOME! Treat him like gold. You know, Jazz him up!
Mom: Wow treat him well.
Dad: John Deere. Tractors and stuff. Ask Tavis. He restores John Deere tractors on his farm. (OHHHH!!! Gotcha. Ya, I was confused.)
Alison: Hopefully you get a big tip. That's awesome but kinda scary. Don't spill anything on him. (Thanks, Ali.)
DeNae: How very cool! Get an autograph! (I didn't dare to ask him.)
Vanessa: Awesome! Did he tip good? Was his new wife with him? Did you ask him how come Andre Kirilinko is such a sissy? (Me: BAAAAA!!! Um...no. I forgot to ask him that.)

So I deliver their meals perfectly. Refilled their drinks right on time. Basically, I nailed it! He had a crutch with him and his leg was extended out from under the table so I asked him, "are you laid up? What happened?"
Wife: "Apparently you don't read the paper?"
Me: (Crap) "No, sorry."
He told me he'd had knee replacement surgery. I asked how he was doing because my (ex) mother in law had her knees done and one was great and the other was not so great. He said at first there were some complications and they had to go back in a week later but that was 5 weeks ago and he was doing a lot better.

The owner came in and sat down and talked to them for a few minutes. His wife ordered dessert and as I was setting it down the owner was saying how good I was. And that I was one of the good ones. (Which when I tell you my "terrible night" story, you'll wonder if it's the same person.)

Apparently, the last time he came in he wasn't very nice. He actually told people no when they asked for an autograph and only tipped like $5. It was during the season so maybe that's why. Anyway, when he left he called my boss and told her that he was really impressed with me. And that he really liked me. Plus, they tipped me $12 on a $56 ticket. Yeee-Haaaw! And as he was leaving he posed for a picture with a little boy. I thought that was really cool.

It was seriously so amazing. I'm a HUGE Jazz fan. HUGE!!! It was such an honor to meet him. Better than when my boss's brother, Vincent D'Onofrio, came in. (Sorry, DeNae. I know you love him, but Sloan meant more to me.)

So there's my incredible story. I ended up making $50 tonight. Not bad for a Monday!!!

YAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!

2009-05-29T21:59:00.000-07:00

OK, so now that all the hoop-la of the giveaway is over, let's get on with some good posting! First, DeNae, in answer to your question: Yes. The computer is basically fixed. It doesn't hold a charge for more than a couple hours but for the most part it's fixed. And I hope you like this background better. See how compliant I am?

Then, remember my friend Courtney? No? Oh, that's because no one was reading my blog back then. Well, go here and you can read about her a little at the bottom of the post. Or you can go here and read all about her battle and victory over leukemia. She and I met when I was living in Tooele with my first husband. I was 8 months pregnant with Avery when we moved to a townhouse and right next to us was Courtney and her husband, Todd. She has a daughter that's 6 months younger than Hayden and was 3 months pregnant with her second daughter. We hit it off immediately. We had so much fun together that summer. We lived next to each other for about a year then I moved to an apartment just a couple minutes away so we still stayed close.

One day when our baby girls were still really little she and I were hanging out at my apartment. Hayden and her daughter were playing in one of the bedrooms. I had just moved in so I still had a few boxes that weren't unpacked yet. One of those boxes had all the computer stuff in it. So Courtney and I were yackin' in the living room and our kids come in. Hayden holding scissors and her daughter holding locks of her hair. Yep. Hayden cut her daughter's pony-tails off! Courtney was such a good sport about it. She just laughed about it. I seriously would have CRIED!! (Which I did a year later when Hayden cut Avery's pony-tails off.) So we put that fire out and go back to our yackin'. A while later, Hayden comes out with a blue face, blue hair, blue tummy, blue hands. What the HELL??? Daughter comes out holding an ink cartridge for the printer. She had dumped it all over Hayden and my bed and carpet. So we got the kids in the tub and the water immediately turned blue. He was stained blue for a few days to follow.

But that's how it was with Courtney and me. Whenever we got together we just lost ourselves in conversation and enjoying each other's company. Not long after that she moved back to Texas where she and Todd are from. We stayed in contact for about 6 months but after that kind of lost track of each other.

A year ago last December I got a call from Todd. The first thing out of his mouth was, "Courtney....(pause...my heart dropped to the floor, I literally felt the blood drain from my head and I was CERTAIN his next word were going to be "died") has cancer." She'd been diagnosed with leukemia in September and went from "not feeling very good" straight to the ER and then admitted to the hospital for several weeks. She had four little kids at home and didn't even get a chance to explain to them what was happening to their mamma. Todd told me she didn't know he had found me. She had been telling him for some time and especially that night that she just wanted to talk to me. She was upset and just wanted to find me. Being a cancer survivor myself, she knew I'd be able to relate to her. She knew she'd be able to vent all her frustrations and "why me?" to me and I'd know exactly what she was talking about. We cried and talked and cried. She was days away from being admitted to the hospital again for a bone marrow transplant. She was so blessed to have found a match in her sister. I was so close to needing a bone marrow transplant when I had cancer and I was told that they'd bring me right to the verge of death. (As Courtney describes it, "they dangle you on a string, hovering over death) They give you a "mega-dose" of chemotherapy, killing all of your white blood cells and then inject you with the new bone marrow and begin rebuilding your immune system. I was so scared for her. Tavis told me that night that I had to go see her. The next day I booked my flight for Dallas and within a couple of weeks I was there at her bedside. She was 4 days post-transplant. She's 5' 2" and she weighed 90 pounds. She was tiny. She was bald. She was so sick. But she was still my best friend from several years before. We picked up right where we left off. I stayed with her in her room for the whole weekend. We talked and cried and cried and talked. I remember leaving her on Sunday and not wanting to let go of her. She was so small but I just wanted to keep squeezing her. I honestly didn't know if I'd see her alive again. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. To let go of her. But I did. I went home and prayed and worried about her every day. And then a year later, this post. The best news ever.

This past Sunday I got a text from her.

It said: Guess what?
Me: What???
Courtney: I'm...
Me: Stop it!!! WHAT?????
Courtney: Coming to UTAH!

She got here on Thursday. Her husband had work to do in Logan so I got to take her home with me while he went up there. We went to lunch and got to visit and catch up. She spent the night with me. Every time we get together it's like we've never missed a beat. But now our conversations revolve around topics like medication, and the constant pain she's in. Why she can't go in the sun or eat too spicy of food because it literally burns her. Quickly. Of course we also talk about kids and husbands and housewife life, too. Today when I left her she cried. I felt kind of bad for not being more emotional about leaving her. But there was such a huge contrast from the last time I left her. This time I KNOW I'll see her again. I know she's healthy now and she'll continue to heal. Of course after I drove away the tears came. But they were nothing like the tears I shed almost a year and a half ago.

I was going to post about the horrible night I had at work but I think for now I'll just leave it positive and upbeat and all about Courtney. If you've got time you really should browse through her blog.

I'm so grateful to have a friend like her and that I was able to spend a couple of precious days with her.

Winner! Winner! Chicken Dinner!

2009-05-28T22:30:00.000-07:00

OK, people. Here it is! Are you wiggin' out? Have you been on pins and needles waiting to see who the winner is???

Here's my super high-tech drawing system:

I wrote down all your names on little green papers.

Then I put them in a bowl.

Then I had Harley draw out a name.

And the winner is.....

Congratulations Vanessa!!! You're the winner of the Rib City gift card!!! (Although, I'm about to do a post about the WORST day ever that I had at work today so you might want to boycott them, soon.) Email me your address...I promise to only stalk you when you know about it :)

Give Oh Give Awaaaaaay

2009-05-24T22:13:00.001-07:00

OK, peeps. You've got til Tuesday at midnight. I know I'm optimistic to think that too many more people give a rat's about this little give away, but I'm gonna drag it out a couple more days!

So go here and leave a comment and you're in!

Oh! And go here and enter Sher's giveaway, too! Seriously freakin' love this girl!

And Here's to 100 More...

2009-05-21T12:22:00.000-07:00

Whew! It's been a busy week. Kinda. Let me rephrase that. It's been a week of milestones.
Harley's birthday party was so much fun. He attacked his cake exactly how he was supposed to. He went from picking at it with his little thumb and forefinger to putting his face right down in it and growling at it as he took big bites. Seriously, could not have asked for a better cake-eating display. Like I mentioned in my last post, we had his party a week before his actual birthday so this coming Saturday we'll get to celebrate again. I'm considering inflicting my labor story upon all of you. You've been warned.
Next was mine & Tavis's 3 year anniversary. He was working out of town though, so we haven't celebrated yet. That day three years ago wasn't necessarily the best day of my life. We snuck off to the Tooele County courthouse and got married. With our good friends Chance and Niki as our witnesses. It was fitting since they were the ones who introduced Tav & me to each other. We never imagined the hurt feelings such an act would cause. Our plan was to get married. Make it legal so we could move in together and then have a real "wedding" in September. It wasn't really even the moving in together part that was the reason for the rush. There were things that were starting that summer (football for Hayden and dance for Avery) that I needed to be closer to in order to get them done. We didn't want to officially "shack up" together (I say "officially" because we were basically living together about 4 out of 7 days a week anyway) so we got married. It hurt my parents' feelings. It hurt my kids' feelings. I had prepared Avery to be my beautiful flower girl and Hayden to be our ring bearer. And although we planned to still have a wedding, it never panned out. (We were able to lose the $700 deposit we put down at the reception center, though, so that was fun.) So was May 19, 2006 the best day of my life? No. But it was the beginning of the rest of my life. (Warning: TMI alert. Dad, scroll down to the next paragraph. Our wedding night was the absolute best night of my life. We hadn't...y'know...yet. At the time, neither of us had a strong religious conviction that kept us from...y'know. We just really wanted to wait. I remember talking to him about it & saying that everyone rebels and does it before they're married. We wanted to rebel & not. So it was a tremendous contrast to my first wedding night. The mostly-virgin bride and her very inexperienced groom. Not really knowing what the hell we were doing. But this time I was 30 and more in love with this man than I ever dreamed possible. To say I wanted him would be the biggest understatement ever. And to say it was the most perfect night would be completely accurate. Ahhhh...yes. It was perfect. I look forward to reenacting it when he gets home.)
Which brings me to the next milestone. I don't talk about this much on here because I like to keep things light and fun & this next topic is a far cry from fun. Tavis has been out of work for a year. He owns an excavation company & they haven't had work since last spring. Fortunately for us he had a lot of equipment he was able to sell & we've been living off that. I don't know what we'd have done without that equipment. Oh wait. Yes I do. We'd have filed bankruptcy & moved in with my parents probably. BUT! This week he went to work. It's not his own project. He's filling in for a grader operator that works for a friend of his but it's something. It's a foot in the door that leads to other work. So even though it sucks bad to have him out of town this week, it's been so good for Tavis to be back at work. Everyone knows how important this type of stuff is for men's egos. And for our checking account.
And the last milestone of the week is.....THE ONE HUNDREDTH POST!!! Yippeeeeeee! So I'm thinking a gift card to Rib City. Or if you don't live in the "Rib City" area, your choice of Cafe Rio or Chili's. I don't know how I'm going to choose a winner just yet. I'll probably just put the names in a hat & draw the winner out. And I know I said you had to be a follower but that's so lame so the the criteria is that you have to have left a comment at least one time before in order to be qualified.
So there you go. Good luck to you all!
And just so you know, I did this entire post from my phone so if there's a million spelling errors that's why. Please forgive me.

Blah, Blah, Blah

2009-05-13T22:50:00.001-07:00

Hey all! It's been a while! I had to take a step back from the blogging world for a bit. I haven't read or posted a blog for a week now and it was good for me. But I'm back in the saddle!

Kinda sucks, though, because I have seriously nothing to post about.

I've been hip-deep in planning the biggest first birthday bash in the history of first birthday bashes. Harley turns one on May 23rd but we're having his party this Saturday. Why? Well let me tell you. My family usually travels on Memorial Day weekend. Most of us have camp trailers. Half of us have boats and it's a big weekend for them. (My husband refuses to travel on holiday weekends because of the crowds. Lame.) So because Harley's birthday is Mem Day weekend I planned his party for the weekend before. Well, guess what??? My freaking family STILL can't come!!! To say I'm annoyed about this would be a gross understatement. I gave them PLENTEEEE of notice. (I don't include DeNae in this group because she lives out of town so she's forgiven.) I think my dad's gonna come and maybe one of my sisters and I don't know about one of my brothers. Whatever. It's going to be a great party and if any of you locals want to come I'd love to have you!

Speaking of May 16th, I'm sure all of you know this already but Sher is running a marathon on that day so pop over and wish her luck!

I've been rocking the tips at work lately. I made $150 in two nights. I worked tonight and it was freakin DEAD! Where were all the beer drinkers??? Don't they know I've got another birthday party to plan when I get done with Harley's? They don't care. Remember that one night? Well those people came in tonight (at EIGHT FORTY-FREAKING-FIVE!!!!!) and asked if I was going to dump the drinks all over the place again. Sorry, folks! The circus pulled out of town that night. Can I just say that they stayed for 45 minutes after we closed? Rude.

K, so there's the post. Lame, I know. But guess what?? This is post number 99. Do you know what that means? It means that next post has to be something fantastic! I could do that thing where I tell you 100 random things about myself but I've kinda done that here and here and here. So what's it going to be? A GIVEAWAY!!! Yippeeeee! I'm gonna be one of those people and tell you that if you're not already a follower you stand no chance of winning. (Except for that one girl who stopped following everyone and went all incognito. She knows who she is and she's still qualified.)

So stay tuned! And thanks to those of you who asked about me. It's nice to be missed a little!

What's In a Kiss?

2009-05-03T06:00:00.000-07:00

I was watching "What Not to Wear" (which, by the way, if anyone wants to do a favor to humanity, you'll sign me up for that show. I promise to get half the wardrobe in your size so we can share.) the other day and at the end, when the woman had her big reveal, it showed her kissing her husband. And for some reason it got me thinking.

I absolutely LOVE to kiss. And I'm not necessarily talking about the passionate, lust-filled kissing. Although, I'm certainly down for that once in a while, too. No, I'm talking about the "peck". I love to do it. I bet my kids have been kissed 12 million times in their lives. Harley has just barely started blowing kisses. (Ya, it's every bit as darling as you think it is.) And he smacks his lips together making the noise when I do it first. Every parent looks forward to the day when they can say to their baby, "kisses?" And right on cue, their baby leans in and opens their little mouth and gives a kiss. It absolutely melts your heart. And it's one of the first things we want to teach our babies.

I love that my ten-year-old son still kisses me on the mouth. And for that matter, he still kisses his dad on the mouth, too. I kissed my parents good-bye well into my junior high years. Maybe even high school.

So as this woman gave her husband several pecks it made me think of just how much I love to kiss Tavis. I love the sound it makes. I love that we do it without even thinking about it. We kiss four times every night before we go to sleep. Peck, peck, peck, peck. We kiss every time one of us leaves and gets home.

So what is a kiss? What's in a kiss? Why is it the universal sign of affection? I'll bet every single one of us can remember our first kiss. (Mine was in kindergarten, under the table with David H. He would later be my first "french" kiss during the summer before 8th grade. I almost suffocated because I couldn't figure out how to breathe for the first minute. He was never my boyfriend, though.) And I bet we can all remember the first kiss with the guy who would become our husband. Who among us didn't practice our "you may kiss the bride" kiss with our spouse before the big day? Will we use tongue? How long will it last? Will we do it like this? Or like this?

I'm interested in your take on kissing. I'm guessing that my "crew" of followers is big into kissing. Lemme know what you think!

Here's Some Stuff I Heard Slash Said This Past Month

2009-05-01T06:00:00.000-07:00

At Avery's 2nd grade program to Hayden: "Do I need to separate you and your dad?"

Avery: "Hayden, I wanna see how wide the TV is."
Hayden: "It's one point twenty-one gigawatts!"

Avery: "I'm a miracle."

Hayden: "You know why she keeps getting messages? Because she texas too much."

Avery: "Mama! Don't make me laugh when I'm drinking chocolate milk!"

My sister Jill about her daughter: "She really does have a high crack. She needs plastic surgery."

Avery: "The Easter Bunny is amazing!"

Text from Sher: "Welcome to the dark side."
Me: "At least I'm in good company."

And my personal favorite...
Me driving home from work: "Get off my bumper! I'm blogging!"

And For My Next Act...

2009-04-29T22:55:00.000-07:00

Well it was bound to happen eventually.

As I took the tray of four drinks to my last table tonight I noticed that it was wet on the bottom. Making it a little difficult to carry. Typically, I'm not nervous to carry a tray full of drinks. Maybe the first or second time I did it I was nervous but there really isn't much to it. So as I was setting down the drinks in front of my guests I was telling them how the bottom was wet and it was making me nervous although not as nervous as it should have been making them.

Behind me, I had already prepared another table to be bussed. Meaning, I'd stacked the plates, separated the garbage, and stacked the drinks. Our cups are such that even if there's a couple of inches of liquid in the bottom, you can still put another cup inside it and it won't overflow. So I had two stacks of 4 or 5 cups. All with a little bit of liquid in them; the top cups being completely full. (It should be noted that the people who'd been sitting there had gone, already. Did you pick up on that?)

So I set the tray down (the one with the wet bottom) and put the two stacks of cups on it as well as the stack of plates. (This is something I rarely do. I don't usually use a tray when bussing my tables but I had it with me so I figured what the heck.) I picked up the tray and leaned down to pick up the basket full of napkins and one of the stacks of cups toppled over. Making a HUGE noise and sending water and ice and cups and the silverware I had put in there flying across the table. I glanced over to my other table and gave them a look of "see, I told ya!" only to have the other stack of cups topple over.

That's right. I spilled EIGHT-ish freaking drinks!!! Being the quick wit that I am, I looked around (to the roughly 6 tables full of people) and said, "everything's fine! Nothing to see here." Everyone laughed and I went to the back to scrape up a little bit of dignity before going back out there to clean up my HUGE mess. And as luck would have it, I found a lot of my dignity under the table and behind the bench.

I went over to my table and asked if they enjoyed the circus act. Which they did as well as being extremely grateful I had held it together long enough to not spill their drinks.

Not nearly as grateful as I was.

Can I just say that NONE of the girls I was working with came over to help me? There is NO WAY I'd have let them clean up a mess that big by themselves. If for no other reason than to be able to laugh with them about it and make them not feel so dumb! I'd have dropped what I was doing (pun totally intended) and helped them! Skanks.

Here I Am!

2009-04-22T22:52:00.000-07:00

Hey y'all!! Just wanted to drop in and say that the computer is in the crapper again. I'm not sure how long this will last so I've got to hurry and put something up before you all send out an "Amber Alert". Hahaha! Get it? "Amber Alert"? Oh man. Too funny.

OK, let's go with that, then. If I get kidnapped what happens? Do the two Ambers cancel each other out? Will I ever be rescued? Or do they put out TWICE as much effort due to the TWO Ambers??? It makes you wonder, right? Really? It's just me?

Alrighty then.

The other day I took the kids to Arby's and when the dude gave me my change he dropped a nickle out on the ground. (Which made me think of this post of DeNae's and I swear if I read it one more time I'm gonna need to throw on one of Harley's Huggies.) He told me not to worry about it and gave me another one. Well, Avery wanted to get it for him. So she gets out and apparently the door was too close to the building and she had to squeeze through to get the coin. I saw that she was kinda struggling but I didn't want to pull forward because I didn't want to scare her. I thought she would think I was leaving her. I know how scary a thought that can be for a kid. So when she got back in the car she said, "GEEZ!! Next time why don't they move the building over???!!!??"

Oh my heck that kid cracks me up!!!

So that's all I got for now. Lame, I know. Just keep in mind that during these trying times, I'll still be out there. Reading your posts. I probably can't comment on all of them, though, because I'll be blogging from my phone and it's a giant pain in the patella. Please forgive me.

Wanna see some FREAKING CUTE kids??? Go here.

A Little Jiggle and a Little Sap

2009-04-18T08:56:00.000-07:00

Well, great. Last night I was running this post through my brain (in between doing the dance) like many bloggers do, I'm sure. Getting all my thoughts together. Then I wake up this morning and check in on DeNae's falling down post so I can laugh some more and to my wondering eyes, she's got a new post! YAY!!! Christmas came early! As I read through it, I start to wig out a little. She kinda did the same post I was going to do. Boo. But, I'm not one to let a little copy-cat situation bother me. So here we go.

Yesterday Tavis left around 4:15 to go to Heber to get Dalton (his son). Around 4:30 I got a text from one of the managers at work asking if I could work tonight. HECK YES!!! Well, it takes about 40 minutes to get to Heber. Then pick up Dalton. Then 40 minutes back. I told my manager I could be there at 6:00. I knew I'd be cutting it waaaay close.

So at 6:06 I come rushing through the doors of the restaurant. I saw a couple sitting there in the lobby area and my first thought was "wow we're already so busy that people are having to wait??". Then I thought, "no. They're probably waiting for other members of their party to arrive".

As I walk past, one of the hosts says, "Amber, you've got a table already. It's these two." To which I reply, "oh, OK. Awesome!"

So I fly to the back and unload all my shiz, throw on some lip gloss and run out to greet my table.

Me: "Hi! I'm Amber!"
Guest: "I'm Lori."
Me: "Good to meet you."
(People will often tell me their names after I tell them mine so this didn't turn on any light bulbs for me.)
Lori: "We've met before. Just not in--"
Me: "LORI A----??????!!!!!!" "GREENJELLO?????" "Oh my gosh! I can't believe you're here!"

So we hug as long-time friends do. I sat down and she introduced me to her husband. (They were sitting on the same side of the booth. Very cute.) We chatted a little. I realized I had something in my eye. I took their order. Thing in my eye started to seriously annoy me. We chat some more. Then one of the hosts comes up to me and says, "you realize that table of four over there is yours, too, right?"

Me: "Oh snap!! No, I did NOT realize that."

So I had to leave my Greenjello and go, y'know, work. (They were grumpy and not near as fun as Lori!) (The did leave me a good tip, though. So they're forgiven.)

It was so dang much fun to have her come in! We visited just like we were old friends. We really do kinda "know" each other. We have a lot in common. Blended families. (She knows how hard it is.) Awesome husbands. (She knows how much better it is the second time around.)

So, after a while we hugged and said our goodbyes. And then I remembered I hadn't run her credit card yet so I did that and then we said our goodbyes again. She left me a way-too-big tip which included a dollar bill folded up like a shirt. So cute.

This is where the sap comes in.

It got me thinking. I LOVE this blogging world. I'm so glad I entered it. I have enjoyed, so much, meeting so many new friends. And I'm not even going to put that in quotes. They are my friends. You are my friends. Thank you so much for coming into my life. Thanks for your comments. Thanks for your replies to my comments on your blogs.

People that mock us bloggers, just don't understand the kind of camaraderie that we share. I really do care about Melissa's runs (literal runs. Not poops.) I'm concerned about Tib's son with DM1. I love to hear about Veronica's kids playing little league baseball and wish I lived closer so I could go watch them play. I love reading about Vanessa's dramatic daughter. And Kristina's snuggie and her naked neighbors. Motherboard's sweet, sweet daughter wanting to give away all her clothes to poor kids. (Still waiting for our shipment, btw.) Sher's revelations while running. I look forward to every Tuesday to hear about Casey and Keely's randomness. (Caution: they say the F word sometimes.) Green Jello's amazing Wordless Wednesdays and her texting convos with her daughter. I love reading about DeNae's Backordered Life. She moved out when I just barely 9 years old so it's been fun getting to know her better through all of her HILARIOUS stories!! Wendy is one of my bestest bloggy besties!!! She always makes me laugh. And if you haven't read Vodka Mom you really should. (Another language caution, though.) She's a kindergarten teacher back east and she has the most incredible experiences with those kids. She's the reason I want to be a kindergarten teacher. I loved to see this week of "spring" come to an end over at Just SO.

I'm sure I've left people out. Just know that I'm truly thankful for all of you. Every comment makes my day. It's so fun to get to know you through your blogs as well as through your comments. My favorite is when I can email you back after you've commented so if your email isn't listed in your profile, PLEASE list it!

Thanks again, blogosphere. And thanks to Kristina and Lori for being the only ones who've cared enough to come visit me at work. Wendy, I hope you're picking up on the guilt I'm laying on for you.

Zzzzzzzzzzzz............

2009-04-17T15:06:00.000-07:00

I've been so tired this week. The kids have been out of school for winter...I mean spring break (I got confused by the TEN inches of snow we got this week.) so I haven't had to get up real early. But still. I'm tired. I've taken naps during the day because I can't keep my eyes open. Why? Why am I so tired?

Then last night, as I lay in bed, it came to me.

To my left was Tavis. Snoring. To my right was Harley (in his crib). Snoring. And under the bed was Rocky, the dog. Snoring. It's a full-on symphony, people!

And running through my brain was the dance. (I've got it nailed, by the way)

No wonder I'm tired!!!

Boom, Clap, Boom, Dee-Clap, Dee-Clap

2009-04-16T11:10:00.000-07:00

OK, I know I'm 33 years old. Just wanted to get that out of the way.

I took my kids to see Hannah Montana the movie the other day. I've seen the TV show a bunch of times and it's goofy but not as bad as a lot of the shows they watch. I really like HM's/Miley Cyrus's music. I think she's soooooo much more talented than her dad.

So the movie. It was So. Good. I'm not even kidding. I LOVED it!!! And of course my kids loved it. Even my ten year old son loved it. When it ended I said, "that was cute." Hayden goes, "CUTE???? That was the BEST!!!"

Now they're with their dad for the rest of the week and I'm wanting to find some more kids so I can go see it again. There's a song she sings called "The Hoedown Throwdown" and I'm pretty much obsessed with it. It's got a cute line dance that goes with it and I will not rest until I've learned it. I've watched this a million times and I've got a pretty good grasp on it. Or you can go here and see the actual music video.

So ya, I know. I'm 33 years old. But every once in a while the 10 year old girl in me wants to get down and boogy.

Texting Convo With Tavis

2009-04-13T22:06:00.000-07:00

I was working tonight and had the following conversation with Tavis:

(Texting)
Tavis: Will you call around to Avery's friends and tell her to get her butt home? I don't know where she is.
Me: Try next door. I don't know where she is, either. (I'm at work remember?)
Tavis: Hayden went to J's and next door. I don't know if she went up the street to her friend's or what.

So I call him.

Me: Did you find her?
Tavis: No. Doesn't she have a friend that lives up the street that you take her to sometimes?
Me: Ya, but I don't think she'd be there. She's like a "drive her there" type of friend. Avery wouldn't just take off to her house. (So now I'm starting to panic.)
Tavis: Well, I'm starting to get pissed because I'm worried and I don't like to worry.
Me: Did you check B's back yard?
Tavis: It's dark. She should have come home by now.
Me: I agree! (It was 8:40 pm)
Tavis: She was here and I didn't even see her leave the house. This is why I don't think the kids should be able to just run the neighborhood whenever they want.
Me: Well, honey, they don't run the 'hood when they're with me.
Tavis: Wait. Let me check something...................
Tavis:.......OK, she's here. I remember her telling me she was tired and asked if she could go take a nap. She's asleep in her bed.
Me: DUH!!!! You're re-gosh-dang-tarded! Way to be babysitter of the year, hun. You gave me a freakin' heart attack!!!!!

Things I May or May Not Have Said, Thought, Heard or Texted: I May Have a Problem

2009-04-09T22:42:00.000-07:00

"WIll you grab me some Nibs while you're out?"
"I might have a Nibs addiction." (Said while holding up 4 empty Nibs wrappers.)
"Amber, I brought you a surprise!" (Said by Sarah at work just before revealing a bag of Nibs she brought me.) (Yes, she was the manager on duty the other night. I told you I really do like her.)
"How's that all-Nibs diet working out for you?" (Said by Tavis)
"I need a bag of those Nibs up front for the drive."
"I'm just trying to decide to have you get me one bag of Nibs or two."
"You can have some. I've got another bag in my car."
"Who's Nibs are these?" "Whose do you think?"
"Mama? Do you have any more Nibs?" (Me: long sigh 'cause I don't wanna share.)
"There's a technique to opening the bag and you're not doing it."

I'm on my way to southern Utah for the weekend. Should be crappy weather so we've got that to look forward to. Spring break starts for my kids on Monday so I should be good & crazy by Tuesday.
Have a great Easter!!

Just a Teensy Little Update

2009-04-09T19:11:00.000-07:00

OK, so I got a call from my boss this afternoon. I was afraid this was coming. I had a feeling that even though I did what I was supposed to do, there would be some repercussions. See, I've never done that before. So when she called today I was a little nervous. The first thing she said was, "what the hell went on here last night?"
Aw crap.
Then she tells me that she got a complaint from one of our regular customers. That he had been there with his wife and two kids; it was his anniversary. He told her he wasn't able to get any service from his waitress and that she and the manager were in the corner laughing it up.

AND THAT THE DARK-HAIRED GIRL WAS THE ONLY ONE WORKING!

She, of course, was all fired up because the guy told her that if he hadn't been there before he probably wouldn't come back. These are tough times we're living in here. She can't afford to be losing customers and neither can the servers! I'm so glad I did the right thing last night. I don't get involved in the drama. I just come to work, do my job, make people laugh, and have a good time. I love what I do. And I love it when I get noticed for doing a good job at it.

Warning: I'm Full of Spice Tonight

2009-04-08T22:31:00.000-07:00

Dear Customers at My Various Tables Tonight,

To the adolescent girl: This may come as a surprise to you but I've had a few customers since you were here a week ago so when you look at me and tell me you'll have "your usual" and I don't know what you're talking about...DON'T roll your eyes at me. And if you call me "HEY!!!" one more time, I'm gonna give you a pile drive to the face. I'm not kidding.

To your mom: Are you aware that your teenage daughter is HANGING all over her boyfriend? You know, the one you bring to dinner with you every week? You realize you're going to be a grandma waaaaaay too soon, right? And are you also aware of the rising problem of childhood obesity as well as juvenile diabetes? You may want to introduce your above mentioned daughter to some water. Not THREE Dr. Peppers.

To my co-workers who I really do like. Really. Mostly: You know you're acting like pre-pubescent school girls when your other co-worker (me) is wishing the 4'9", seventeen year old was working tonight to "up" the maturity level.

To the two jackasses who came in a few weeks ago on a non-dollar-draft-night and told me the owner and the other server always lets you have your beers for a dollar and when I tell you neither I nor the manager has ever heard of such a thing and we won't be giving you your beers for a dollar so you proceed to act like freakin' jerks for the remainder of your meal: Not only did I refuse to have you sit in my section tonight, but I will continue to not have you in my section for as long as you come in.

To one of my co-workers: Please don't tell me that you refuse to serve those two jackasses, too, because they're "creeptastic" and then basically sit on their laps for the duration of their stay.

To my co-workers (again): Don't be surprised when I leave at 9:30 and you've still got work to do. After all, I was doing all my work while you played grab-ass with said "creeptastics" all freakin' night long. And I'm sure it did surprise you when the typically helpful Amber said, "peace out" and left.

All my love,
Amber

Oh! One more.

To my dearest, darling, precious baby boy: I'm pretty sure I did not give my permission for you to learn to climb up the stairs. I know big brother was up there and you LOVE to play with him, but really, you're too little to be behaving so bigly.
Love, Mama

I apologize for being so spicy. These people were irritating the living crap outa me! And Kristina P. said in her comments on Sher's...or was it Motherboard's post about the lunch that I'm "sweet" on my blog. Well, I showed her, didn't I?

Wordless Wednesday

2009-04-08T06:00:00.000-07:00

Harley got his first real haircut on Friday. My friend has cut it a couple times and I've hacked into it a bunch but he went and got an actual haircut at the actual haircut place. Complete with the cape and all. He's so freakin' CUTE!! He doesn't look like a baby anymore. He's always kind of looked like a little man. But now it's official.

It's Raining Men

2009-04-04T22:46:00.000-07:00

Hallelujah!

First things first. I'm pretty much the coolest person I know. Today I ate lunch with Sher, DeNae and Motherboard. Ya, that's right. And Motherboard didn't even make us call her "Motherboard". (She made us call her "Mrs. Motherboard.") It was so much fun! We yacked and yacked until we'd been sitting there almost four hours! DeNae said it was as if we'd left each other in the Pre-existence and just picked right back up where we left off. So true. It just felt like we'd all known each other our whole lives. (I know, I know. I have known DeNae my whole life, but still.) I hope they felt the bond and closeness that I felt. It was just such a good time. It makes me want to give all those people that don't understand blogging or the blogging world the finger. They just don't understand. I hear from people, "you're going to lunch with a bunch of people you don't know?" and I just want to tell them, "no. I know them. Just because I haven't met them, doesn't mean I don't know them." And "stop looking at me like that."

So then, as if I wasn't cool enough. Kristina P. came to see me at work tonight! Really? DeNae, Sher, Motherboard and Kristina P? All in one day? I'm really trying to be humble but I can't!!! Kristina and her husband tipped me very generously for which I am thankful. I have to wonder if it's because she knew I'd blog about it.

And speaking of work, this is where the "Raining Men" thing comes in. (Did you like that seg-way?) I got to work at 6:00. Had a table of four. Then a table of five. Then Kristina and Adam. By 7:30-ish I had no one. We knew it was likely to be a busy night because of the Priesthood Session of the LDS General Conference. At 7:50 two guys came in. Then two more. Then it was as if the testosterone convention just let out. Which, basically, it did. That place was PACKED. I had two tables of 6. And a table of 4. All men. I felt like I was in China. They all looked the same. A ton of men in suits and ties. I looked around and at one point I counted 5 women in the entire place. With the exception of the staff. So for the next hour I ran my butt off (I wish) and made $50. To go with the $30 I'd made before the rain storm. CHA-CHING!!!!!

It was a great night. Nice guys. Good tippers. (I found that when I worked lunch I mostly waited on men. Usually on their lunch breaks at work. Without their kids or wives (I guess they probably only had one wife). And they were the best tippers. Maybe the wife doesn't let the husband tip well. I don't know.) Can I just say how much I LOVE my job? I do! I love to wait tables! I realize it's not for everyone but it sure has been great for me.

So I have a question for ya: One of the men that came in tonight is a teacher at my kids' school. My kids haven't had him but I recognized him. He didn't know who I was, though. So his ticket came to $47 and he tipped me $14. That was way freakin' nice of him. Typically, I don't see the tip until the customer has left. This time, however, Mr. Teacher handed me his signed credit card slip right after he filled it out. So I see the very generous tip and go up to him and say, "thank you so much for that. You were very generous and I don't usually get a chance to thank people for their tips, so thank you." Well, he acted embarrassed. Looked like he wished I hadn't said anything. He was with his (grown) sons and another guy and his younger son. So my question is this: Should I not have said anything? Should I not thank people for their tips because it really isn't something that happens very often. Rarely do I get thanked by my server for the tip and likewise, do I rarely get a chance to thank my customers. Should I just take my tip and be on my way? It's really not bad manners to not thank them. A tip is kind of an unspoken thing, right?

So what do I do, people? I'm askin'.

Things I May or May Not Have Said, Thought or Texted

2009-04-02T22:13:00.001-07:00

Who are we kidding? I totally said, thought and texted these things.

I'm totally ripping this off from Melissa and Tiburon. But I always look forward to their Fridays and since I've been working a lot lately and having company, there have been plenteeeeee of things running through my head.

So here we go!

"How am I supposed to tell the difference between you being sick and you just laying around?"
"Dude, you're not supposed to laugh when I touch you there."
"I shoulda took Bean-O before I ate that."
"As long as you don't get your lung all over him."
"It's been SIX FREAKING WEEKS!!!"
"I get it. You're hungry. Get in the garage and eat."
"It smells like you've been farting the entire time I've been gone."
"Ravioli's in the eye never feels good."
"I feel like I've gone deaf."
"I don't really have 15 fingers." (Said by Avery when trying to figure 15 minus 8.)
(Texted to me from Niki who was on vacay at Disneland) "Oh great. There's a crazy-eye guy. Think I'll get him?"
(Again, from Niki, who was at a time-share seminar thing.) "Now there's a Slick Willey."
"You two give me bi-polar."
"Well, you are gorgeous. And stuck up."
"I thought Midol made you less irritated when you're flowin'? IDK!!! Don't yell at me!"
"Carnage. Lots and lots of carnage."
And just tonight....."LOOK AT HIM!!!! HE PULLED HIMSELF UP TO HIS FEET!!!!!" (That's right. My brilliant baby boy beat his brother and sister by a month by pulling himself up to standing tonight. So. Freaking. Smart.)

Hayden and Avery were so funny on April fools day. First thing when I woke up (which translates into: Do not freaking talk to me for at least 5 minutes especially if you're way hyper.) Avery asks me what my fave cereal is.

Me: "What? I don't know. Why?"

Avery: "Just wondering..."

Me: (Light clicking on) "Oh, um...Cookie Crisp."

Avery: (Runs to find Hayden where I hear him whisper to her, "did you tell her?")

So they switch the bags of cereal to trick me. Then Avery tells me I had a spider on my head. Then she told me I was bald. Tavis said today that they were just beside themselves with excitement before I woke up. They couldn't talk enough about all the things they were going to do at school. How much fun would it be to have their level of excitement? Crazy kids.

I told Hayden I was pregant (my stand-by AFD joke) and he totally...didn't buy it. Tavis told me he watched LOST without me and I...totally didn't buy it.

DeNae's coming to town this weekend!!! Sorry, no autographs this trip. I'll try to get a pic of us together so you'll all know that I really am cool.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-04-01T06:00:00.000-07:00

This is called "Deep Fried Choclate Pie" or as I like to call it "Christmas Morning in Your Mouth". The pie lady at Rib City made these for us last night. We may start serving them as a promotional thing. Stay tuned. Oh, that reminds me. I'm supposed to be doing a giveaway, huh? I haven't forgotten.

Another Post Without a Clever Title

2009-03-30T23:36:00.000-07:00

I got to go to dinner with Kim on Friday! We went out for Mexican food and stayed out til 12:30 just visiting and laughing our butts off. So dang much fun!!!!!

Hoe. Lee. Crap.

There was a freakin' ton of people at my house this weekend. My 1,700 square foot house. But I loved every single minute of it. I absolutely LOVE having company. Tav's family is great and we had a really good time. We celebrated his dad's 60th birthday and his sister becoming a grandma. Ya, that's right. Tav's sister that's a year older than him is a grandma and Tavis just had his first child 10 months ago. He's a little slow.

Tavis has two sisters. The oldest and youngest in his family are girls. They love each other so much. I know that his ex-wife complained of being left out when Tami and Dawna were together. And while I know they love me, there's no bond that can penetrate that of sisters. I never feel jealous or left out because I know how much I love my sisters and how much I LOVE to be with them. I love to be with my sisters-in-law, too. For sure. But there's not anyone I'd rather be with than my sisters. (I have to include Niki in there, too.)And Tami and Dawna are always very nice to me and it was so fun having them stay here.

Dawna has 2 little boys (among 3 older kids). Fisher, almost 3. And Gunnar, 1. (Oh, by the way, she's due with a little girl in June.) He's from Jan. 3rd to May 23rd older than Harley. This. Kid. Is. An. Ox. He's always been bigger than Harley but now he's mobile. He runs everywhere. He's easily 10-12 lbs bigger than Harley but Harley is only about 2 inches shorter than him. Anyway, I got a text from Tavis on Thursday night while I was at work and just after Dawna and her kids had gotten there that said, "holy shit, we're so not ready to have a toddler boy." To which I replied, "are they wild?" He said back, "daaaaaaaaaaaamn busy." That pretty much sums it up.

They were so much fun though! Holy crap, they're CUTE!!! I was surprised at how much Harley looks like the 3 yr old considering he looks just like his dad. But there's no question these boys are related!

This is Harley and Fisher

This is Gunnar, Fisher (who we had to bribe with being able to hold the dog in order for him to smile for us) and Harley.

So I worked on Saturday night. I had to leave the festivities early. Like half an hour after they started. I thought it would be worth it, though, because it was Saturday. I'd make lots of tips, right? Um...no. I had these people come in and first rack up a $58 ticket. Then demand that I give them a discount because they know the owner. So 20% later, their ticket is $43.80. The dude handed me $45 and called it good. That's right. One dollar and twenty cents. I got a huge lump in my throat when I saw that. I went out of my way to especially take care of them because they knew the owners and I got totally ripped off! For the whole night I only made forty freakin' dollars. Shoulda stayed home and hung with the fam.

I worked again last night and made $70! YAYAYAY! Gotta love the all you can eat riblets night. But a guy from corporate was coming in today so we had to clean our butts off and I didn't get home til almost 11:00! My back hurts from scrubbing the kitchen floor. Oh well. He was able to notice only that our BBQ sauce lids were uneven heights so it was totally worth it.

I work again tomorrow night and it's $1 draft night so I should do pretty good! I expect all my Mormon Mommy bloggers to get in there and support me on $1 draft night. Don't be rude.

So I've got posts that are more fun rolling around in my head. I just haven't had access to the computer for a while.

My Sister is Coming to Town, Too

2009-03-26T22:25:00.000-07:00

So Tav's entire family is in town this weekend. I have a funny post all ready to do but I don't know if I'll have time to get it done. I'm doing this from my phone late at night on Thursday. It should be a fun but stressful weekend!
Lemme just leave you with this thought...I'm seeing a Rib City gift card giveaway in our futures. And for those of you without a Rib City in your area...we'll work something out.
Have you read DeNae's latest post? You've got to read it. I was seriously laughing my butt off! I'd link her but, like I said, I'm doing this from my phone. So go to thebackorderedlife.blogspot.com
Have a great weekend!

PS: I really just wanna have a sleep-over at my mom's with Kim the whole weekend. Poor, poor, pitiful me :(

It's The Post About Nothing

2009-03-23T14:11:00.000-07:00

Hey y'all! I don't have anything to blog about. Had a great weekend. Spent it with Niki. Ate me some Cafe Rio. Pretty much done with the madness. I'm still taking the injections and not eating anywhere NEAR the portion sizes I was before, but I'm not doing the strict 500 calorie thing anymore. I'll do injections until Wednesday at which point I'll go back and get weighed and measured again. Lori over at Green Jello has been doing the same HCG diet and has had some very interesting results. If you're considering this diet (and I haven't completely scared you off by it) you should check out her Fat Loss Chronicles. HCG claims to burn all fat and not lean muscle. Lori's results have been somewhat contrary to that.

I've been in much better spirits since I started eating again. I got my Thin Mints. I got my chai from Starbucks. (I'm sooooo not a yuppy, Starbucks just really does have the best chai.) And sometime this week or next I'm going to go join (again) Weight Watchers. I don't wanna be banished to my house again this summer and if I'm chunky I know I won't want to leave. Why do we let our weight decide our level of happiness? That can't be healthy.

Harley is TEN months today. Holy crap! We finally got his crib set up today. He's been in the Pack 'n' Play this whole time. He's decided he's done with that whole "sleeping through the night" thing and I'm pretty sure it's because his bed sucks. We need to retrain him to put himself back to sleep because he's not hungry when he wakes up. He's still in our room because he and Hayden are both way light sleepers and I'm afraid they'll wake each other up.

So I work tonight! It's all you can eat riblets so I hope we get a lot of people and that they make for a great post! It's freakin' dang cold, though, so I'm not holding my breath. Stupid snow. It'll be warm by the weekend. Welcome to spring in Utah!

Exactly the Same, Only Different

2009-03-18T23:28:00.000-07:00

I worked today but nothing real exciting happened. In fact, it was way slow. I only had four tables.

I've been doing some observing lately. I've decided that Harley and my Yorkie are pretty much the same.

Harley likes to play with anything marked "not a toy".
So does Fluffy.

Harley likes to eat anything labeled "not baby food".
Fluffy likes to eat anything labeled "not dog food."

Anything they find on the floor ends up in their mouth. Not that there's EVER anything on my floors. I'm just saying if they should happen to find something on the floor, it would end up in their mouth. If.

There are a few differences, though. Fluffy likes to lick my face with affection. Harley likes to grab my face and try to rip it off...with affection. Fluffy likes to lick Harley's face with affection. He likes to wing her around by her fur...with affection. I really don't like Fluffy that much. And Harley is pretty much the coolest thing ever.

Where Are Your Manners?

2009-03-17T09:56:00.000-07:00

First of all, the big news: The cookies from the temple thing are from Little Dutch Boy Bakeries in Draper. My mom works at the Church Office Building so she has all the really important information. Like, for example, they served a total of 750,000 cookies and 670,000 bottles of water. They brought the water in on 17 semi-truck loads. At first they ordered 72,000 cookies and found that they only lasted 2 days. Probably because freakin' hogs like me ate SIX!!!

OK, on with the post. I worked last night so guess what? Another fun-filled waitressing story!
This family comes in. A mom with her six kids (Utah, remember?), the youngest being Harley's age (ten months) and the oldest I'd say about 15. First thing, as they're walking to their table one of the younger boys (probably 8-ish) takes the peg out of the middle of one of the wagon wheels hanging on the wall and sticks it in his pocket. So I take their orders. Mom: special. Daughter: ribs. Younger daughter: grilled cheese sand (with the help of her older sister, who was really cute and sweet to her siblings. Really.). Kid who ripped off the peg: In the most annoying, obnoxious, dufuss voice he proceeds to tell his mom he'll order for himself. He then orders chicken nuggets with fries. I tell him he can also have corn on the cob or applesauce. Silence. More silence.
"Buddy? Do you want applesauce or corn?"
FINALLY: corn. (In his same ridiculous voice)
OK, moving on. Next kid: special. Next kid: sandwich.
So I move on to the next table and while I'm talking to them this woman is yelling for me. "Amber?! Amber?!" Dude, seriously? I'm helping someone else! So the manager takes care of her.
After a few minutes I go up to the mom and say kind of quietly, "Um, I don't want there to be weirdness but my manager said that your little guy in the corner there, took one of the pegs out of the wagon wheel and put it in his pocket." And then I walked away. I didn't want to be there for the interrogation. But I hear the kid denying it. When I came back, she said she had frisked the kid and it was not on his person. He said that he took it out of one wheel and stuck it in the other wheel. I don't have any idea if there was one missing out of the other one or not. Even if I did, I'm not about to call him out on it. So I say, "ok, sounds good."
Well the special was an all you can eat situation. So the kid orders a "refill" on his and when I bring them to him he's still got his plate in front of him with his applesauce and corn on the cob sitting on it; both about half eaten. I say, "are you done with this plate or are you still working on those?" Silence. Then he, and I'm not making this up, proceeds to "draw" a circle shape with his two hands. Starting at the bottom of the circle and going up and meeting at the top with his fingers.
Me: Standing there with the plate of ribs.
Then he "draws" a square in the air with his hands.
Me: Standing there with the plate of ribs. Then I look at the mom with a "wtf?" kind of look on my face.
Mom: Finally comes out of her coma, says, "Say something."
Kid: "Yes."
Really? "YES WHAT???? You're done with your plate or you're still working on it?"
Kid: "Done with it."
See, I have kids. They don't scare me. I don't play into their games. Nor was I about to let his mom think I thought he was cute or clever. So I go to take his first plate away and he grabs the corn off of it.
Well, after a while the younger kids start to get restless and the older two kids have to take them out (not a minute too soon). So the mom asks for her check so they can leave. YOU. BET.
She gave me a $12 tip! But I tell you what, with the mess I had to clean up when they left, I earned every single cent of it!
Seriously, if my kids behaved like that, they would never see the inside of a restaurant again. Ever.
So then at like, 8:40 (we close at 9) these two women come in. Very pretty. Nicely dressed. Friendly. Craving corn on the cob. They order the all you can eat special, too. After they've had their food for a few minutes, they ask what time we close. And I kept checking to see if they wanted a "refill" on their ribs, yet. "No, no." They tell me. The cooks are wanting to shut the kitchen down. It's pretty much closing time. Then at 9:05 they order their refill. Are you kidding me? The grill was already shut down so the cooks had to turn it back up. Then they proceeded to stay til freaking 9:30!!! I had joked with them when they asked what time we close that if they stayed too long , I'd just have them vacuum.
So when they continue to not leave I started to vacuum. Maybe it's just me but when the freakin' vacuum comes out that's usually my cue to RUN ALONG! Nope, not these women.
Finally they left. And they left their damn $2 tip, too. Isn't that just rude? To stay on and on? Clearly, we're closed. We're wanting to go home. I just think it's really bad manners.
All in all, it was a pretty good night, though. I made $55! And I still LOVE waiting tables!

I Know, I Know. Bump the Needle, Already

2009-03-15T13:51:00.001-07:00

OK, I realize this blog has pretty much turned into the "I'm so freakin' hungry"chronicles. So, instead of apologize for it, I'll continue the trend. You're welcome. Don't worry. We've only got 10 more days of this.
I've been such a loser this weekend. And I don't mean in the pounds and inches department. I mean in the department of I went to the open house for the Draper temple yesterday with Tavis and Niki and her husband. After you walk through the temple they lead you to a church with the best assortment of the BEST cookies I've ever had. I knew yesterday was going to be a bit of a cheat day for me as we've had this planned for a long time and I didn't want to be a party pooper. But instead of eating just one delicious chocolate cookie, I ate three. And instead of eating just one delicious oatmeal/hardly-any-raisins cookie, I ate 3. Did you do the math? That's 6 cookies!!! And to be honest, my stomach felt queasy after. I haven't had that much sugar in two weeks and it hit me hard. (But, um...I'm wondering. Does anyone know what kind of cookies those were and where they got them? Come on, people. I know someone knows.)
So after that we went to Rib City for dinner. Not the one I work at but the one in Sandy. (It's nice to go where the don't all know me because I actually get to enjoy my meal and visit with the people I came with rather than the people I work with that insist on hanging around my table and talk to me. (Whew! Run-on sentence, much?)) So I ordered my ribs and my baked potato and fries and spicy ranch and we had chicken tenders for appetizers and, oh my gosh, they were SO GOOD! I actually only ate all the carbs on my plate. I didn't touch my ribs or the pork that came with it. But the fries, potato, garlic toast? Gone. I've clearly been in carb withdrawals.
Then today for lunch I ate my ribs and pork.
But now I'm back on track. F'rills. Even those Thin Mints are calling my name so loud I can barely hear Harley's "Baby Einsteins" DVD, I'm not going to answer their siren call. They really are going to be my reward when this madness is over.
In case you're wondering if anything else besides this diet is going on in my life...no. There's nothing else.
Now stop judging me.

Um Ya, Pretty Sure I'm Tiny

2009-03-13T13:23:00.001-07:00

OK, so I just got home from weighing in and getting measured. Turns out this Hungry Cravings Grumble diet really is working. I've lost FOURTEEN POUNDS!!!!! I know what you're thinking: "Of course you've lost weight. You've been starving yourself." Well I'd believe you except they did my measurements and ya, I'm tiny!

I've lost 1.5" off my upper arm.
2" off my chest (upper back fat)
1.5" off my waist (just under my bra line)
2" off my other waist (belly-button area/lower back fat)
FOUR INCHES off my thighs

So that tells me I've lost fat. And not just because I'm so freaking hungry all the time. I was going to ask why I was so hungry still but I forgot to. I'm really excited now. It's just nice to get some validation for all the crap I've had to go through to achieve this so called "lifestyle change". I have 12 more days of torture and if I lose a pound a day that'll be 26 pounds and that'll be fan-freakin'-tastic!!!

Why, Yes. I am Hungry. Why do you ask?

2009-03-12T22:35:00.001-07:00

So YAY! Harley is feeling better! He hasn't had a fever since Tuesday morning. His nose is running now, instead of being completely stuffed up. Did you know they don't make infant's cold medicine anymore? Ya, they don't. Oh well. I'm just glad he's feeling better.

So, the diet. I was emailing with DeNae today about how fan-freaking-tastic she is and she had asked me if I was skinny yet...or dead. The answer to both is a resounding HELL NO!!! Although I'm actually closer to the latter. So here's what I told her. (Sorry, DeNae. This'll be a repeat for you.)
I guess when I finish these injections and the 500 calories a day they'll teach me how to reintroduce carbs and starches back into my diet. I'm mostly just looking forward to reintroducing myself to diet Pepsi and Butterfinger Eggs. I really think I'm going to chub up the minute I start eating again. The point of these 23 days is to make a "lifestyle change". But seriously, who does that? All it's made me do is compile a list of things I'll be eating as soon as this madness...I mean lifestyle change is over. So, for your reading enjoyment, here's my list of things I can't WAIT to eat:

Cafe Rio pork salad and/or burrito.
Oriental chicken salad from Applebee's.
Pretty much everything on the Rib City menu but more specifically: baby back ribs (FULL rack), garlic toast, french fries and a gallon of spicy ranch.
That new "roast burger" Arby's has been bragging about lately.
Milk.
Cereal, but more specifically: Crunch Berries, Cracklin' Oat Bran, Frosted Flakes.
PB & J sandwich.
Raspberry-filled powdered donuts.
Of course, diet Pepsi and Butterfinger Eggs that only come out at Easter.
The 6 boxes of Girl Scout cookies sitting on my fridge, unopened because I won't let my family have any until I can have some. (Does anyone know where I can get more? Seriously. I want to freeze some Thin Mints.)

So I guess that's about it. With that list it's really hard for me to understand how I got chunky in the first place. Actually, the truth is that I'm going to do better. I've decided to give myself one cheat day a week. That one day will see me through the other six days. I'll watch my carbs and sugar intake. I'm going to join Weight Watchers. I swear by WW. I've done it before and I know it works. I just wanted to do this HCG thing to jump-start the weight loss. I have zero will power and if I start a diet and don't see results right away, I get discouraged and quit. But I've worked too hard and suffered too much and paid too much freakin' money to flush my efforts. Plus, Niki and I are going to do a bunch of 5k walks (no, Melissa and Sher, we're NOT running). I'm mostly looking forward to the girl talk we'll do on these walks.

One last thing...I'm so loving being back to work. I love, LOVE, love waiting tables. I don't even mind cleaning up after people...very much. I love meeting new people. Of course, I love to make new friends but at work it's more just surfacy stuff. I meet them, we chat, I make 'em laugh (I try), they eat delicious food, they pay me, and then they leave. And then I get on my hands and knees and clean up their mess. I made $80 tonight! On a THURSDAY!!! In UTAH COUNTY!!! Yay me!

So have a great weekend! If you live in Utah county or plan on visiting the area, stop by Rib City Grill and see me! (I won't be there this weekend, though.)

Boo Hoo and Woo Hoo!

2009-03-10T06:54:00.000-07:00

My baby is very sick right now :( He's been battling double ear infections for the last week. The last three days he's had a fever; reaching 104 at one point. I took him back to the doctor yesterday and she thinks he's still just trying to combat the ear infections but that his ears look a lot better.
Needless to say, Tavis & I haven't slept much the past few nights. Mostly because Harley doesn't want to be laid down. Unfortunately, when we hold him it just makes him warmer.
Why am I cheering you up with all this, you ask? So you'll know why I'll be scarce the next few days while I tend to Harley and sleep when he sleeps.
On the bright side, I've lost 3 more pounds! YAYAYAYAYAYAY! And I've made some decent money my last 2 shifts and I had a good time doing it! I really LOVE waiting tables. I love to interact with new people. I like to make new friends, of course, but when I'm at work I get to deal with people on a more surfacy level and that's fun too!
I'll still be reading all of you and commenting when I can :)

Updates

2009-03-06T20:50:00.001-08:00

Look who's back on the computer! Yeeee-Haaaaw!!! I guess it's only temporarily fixed so I gotta hurry.
One more thing I wanted to tell that couple last night was: thanks for telling me I looked tired. That was EXACTLY the look I was going for!
So here's the first update:
I mentioned that I'd lost 3 1/2 pounds, right? Well when I woke up this morning one of them was back!!! I was extremely discouraged. I was ready to just bag it. (I'm just brimming with willpower, I tell ya!) I was this (holds thumb and pointer finger half inch apart) close to eating a bowl of Crunch Berries for breakfast. But I resisted. I went to lunch at Applebee's with my friend Amanda and I ate off the Weight Watcher's menu. I probably ate more than I should have but I didn't get full so I knew I was doing something right. So all day I've been in a bad mood. Blaming the one pound weight gain and the lack of sugar. Just been grumpy. So tonight, I weighed myself again. Ya, that's right. AT NIGHT. That pound I gained? GONE!!!!! Yippeeeee! I'm so glad I didn't eat that ice cream like I soooooo wanted to.
My head still hurst most of the time but I hear it gets better. I just want to eat. I haven't felt full since Monday. Anyone who's considering this diet should be warned: it sucks. And as my sister, DeNae, said: "[I] better be pencil thin by the end of this or someone's gettin' eaten."
(To follow a fellow HCGer go here. You can even enter to win a pedometer.)
Here's the second update:
Harley had his 9 month appointment this week and here are his stats:
Height: 29.5"------->75-90%
Weight: 18 lbs 2 oz.---------> 50%
Head: 47 cm (Helloooo! We're in America. Give me this one in inches please!)
He's still a little behind as far as motor skills but I'd say no more than a month. He commando crawls everywhere but doesn't go from crawling to sitting up by himself. He doesn't pull himself up to furniture, yet either. Those are the only things he's behind in. I'm pretty sure he's perfect.
He's got 5 teeth. He waves bye bye now and then. And when I tell him to wave he also says ba ba ba. I'm certain he's saying it. He's freakin' brilliant! He shakes his head and it's so dang funny...unless I'm trying to feed him. Then it's not so funny.
So there's the updates. I gotta stop posting and get reading and commenting while I've got the blessed computer!

PS: No spelling errors! (Except the ones I did on purpose)

My Name's Amber. I'll Be Cleaning Up After You Tonight

2009-03-05T22:23:00.000-08:00

Dear couple with the really cute little boy who was seated at my table tonight,

Apparently, the new manager wasn't aware of the "Amber doesn't do tables with kids" rule. So unfortunately (for me) you were seated in my section. Perhaps this was your first experience in an eating establishment that didn't start with "Mc". Or perhaps you are just extremely lame. Either way, allow me to thank you for letting your child throw his french fries and napkin and straw and chewed up chicken and wet nap and crayons all over the floor. Without your complete lack of give-a-damn-ness I, your waitress, would not have had the opportunity to get on all fours and do something I don't even do in my own home. Thank you for giving me such a humbling experience. And thank you for your $3.18 tip. It was so worth it to hold your child's ABC chicken in my hand.
And to the party of six who took home the copy of your credit card receipt that you sign and LEAVE MY TIP ON and left me YOUR copy, the blank one, the one that you neither signed nor left my tip on: you guys suck.
All my love,
Amber
(Tonight was my first night back to work waiting tables. Can you tell? Other than those 2 tables it was a pretty good night. Made $40 in 3.5 hrs so that's not bad. And speakin of 3.5...I've lost 3.5 pounds on my starvation diet! YAY!!!)

Don't Tell Me I'm Going to Actually Go to Bed at a Decent TIme

2009-03-03T17:41:00.000-08:00

Well the unthinkable has happened. Our (Tav's) computer has bitten the proverbial dust. So I won't be posting very much since doing it on my phone (like now) is pretty much a pain in my butt.
So don't think that I've starved to death because I've started the 500 calories a day part of the HCG diet. Although I am pretty much STARVING! I hear it takes a few days before you stop being hungry all the time. I did the 3 days of binging and they were pretty disappointing. I wasn't hungry! What a rip off! Last night after I had 2 cinnamon rolls for dinner I said to Tavis that I was sure I was going to wake up in the morning positively famished. YEP! And I was supposed to gain3-5 lbs during those "feed your face" days and I LOST a pound and a half. Which is fine but they say the more you eat during those 3 days, the more success you'll have. So it makes me wonder if I should have had 3 cinnamon rolls for dinner.
Anyway, I'm in this til the end. I can do anything for 3 weeks, right? Right?? My head hurts. I need a pepsi.
Did anyone watch The Bachelor last night? Gimme a freakin' break! He's such a dog! And it's not over yet. There's another "After the Final Rose" show on tonight.
OK, this phone thing is driving me nuts. I'll still be checking in on all of you. It's kind of a pain to comment with the phone so comments may be sparse but know that I'm still here lurking.
PS I can't do the spell check on here so please fogive me!

CARAYZEEEE!!!

2009-03-01T10:37:00.001-08:00

So the other day (Friday) I went to the elementary school for Hayden's program. (It was so dang cute, btw!) Not long after it started they came on the PA saying not to let the kids out for recess. Then a few minutes after that they said we were in lock-down mode by order of the P.G. police department. So these poor kids are up there trying to do their skit about Jim Bridger and they keep getting interrupted by the intercom. Eventually, the principal came on stage and told us there had been a shooting a few blocks from the school and we'd be in lock-down until further notice. But on with the show! DUH! I realize we need to know these things but since none of us were going anywhere I just thought they could have let us know after the show. As not to cause a panic among the 100+ ten year old kids on the stage.
By the time the show was over it was still 30 minutes from the time school was to get out so if we wanted our other kids we'd have to stand in line and sign them out. Then go to their class and get 'em.
I'm just glad I was there. The phone number the school has for me is my home phone which I never answer. I'd have been waiting for them to get home since they weren't going to be letting them on the bus, either. (They did eventually lift the lock-down and the kids could have gotten on the bus but not for a while after school was let out.)
The shooter was caught. Apparently it was all over an argument. It's so stupid that so many people's lives are turned upside down and backwards because of a disagreement. What ever happened to "live and let live"? That dude's gonna spend the rest of his life in prison, now. So stupid.
So, the other carayzeee thing that happened was while I was in line waiting to sign Avery out of class. I see this woman that looked so familiar! Being the shy and bashful person I am, I walked right up to her and asked, "did I just meet you somewhere?" She said, "no (crazy person, run along) I don't think so." I said, "maybe at the..." Then I didn't finish because I didn't want her looking at me like everyone else has this week when I told them I went to a lunch full of Kristina P. worshipers...I mean bloggers.
So this gal says, "at the blog lunch?"
Me: "YES!" I was so relieved she was just as freaky as I am! How crazy is that? It was Shanna at Just So. I've seen her comments on several blogs I read, too. Isn't that weird? There's a bazillion blogs out there and we seem to kind of end up in the same circles as so many other people. Anyway, I was so excited to meet her. I pretty much have zero friends here (I know. It's sad.) so it'd be fun to get to know her better. She sent me an awesome shout out on her post about the lock-down, too, so I just wanted to thank her and tell her to feel free to stalk me in blog land as well as reality land. Although five minutes into it she'll be so bored she'll want to hang herself just for something to do.
Hey, PS...I see all these posts with words crossed out. I swear I've seen the button for it or something called "strike through" but now I can't find it. Can someone out there tell me how to do this??? And how do I reply to your comments through your email? HELP!!!

Insert Clever Title Here

2009-02-26T07:48:00.001-08:00

Has anyone besides me noticed a trend I've got going? Every time I do a post about Hayden I go for several days before I post again. Why is that? Maybe posting about him is like raising him. It's exhausting. The kid's got ADHD with an emphasis on the "H". (Although he has made HUGE strides. Is LEAPS and BOUNDS ahead of where he was 3 years ago when he was diagnosed. In fact he doesn't take meds anymore.)

So anyway, I have nothing of real importance to blog about today. I just wanted to post something as to avoid leaving another "Hayden" post up for a week.

I've been so freakin' bored this week. I am proof that one cannot die of boredom. I know this because I still have a pulse.

Tavis brought home the buggy yesterday. It's so dang cute! I took some pix of the kids in it and I'll get 'em posted. It's bright red, just for me. I can't wait til spring really gets here (for that entire 2 days before it turns to full-fledged summer which is how we roll here in Utah) so we can take it out. It's street legal so I can take the kids to school in it and they'll be so cute and everyone will look at them with "oh man, I wish I had one of those" looks. Not that I like to be the center of attention...I'm just sayin'.

I've been mentally preparing to start my HCG diet. Tomorrow I start the binge process. I've been practicing that part all week, though. I'm not good when it comes to no carbs and thinking about what I'm going to eat. I'm hoping these next 3 weeks will show me that I really can live without Crunch Berries every single night. I've tried to go an entire day without carbs or at least very few and I didn't make it past the two eggs I had for breakfast. And 500 calories a day? Please! I burn through that many calories in a single bowl of Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch. But, I've paid the money and gotten in a fight with Tavis over it so I'd better do my very best to make it all worth while. I'm really tired of never wanting to go outside because I HATE the way I look. I saw all the pix of the lunch on Saturday (thanks TWSS!!) and I hardly recognized myself. In my mind I'm still thin and have a thin face. (kinda like the reverse of anorexic girls, right?) Then I see pictures and YIKES!!! So I'm actually really excited to get this done. To see just what I can accomplish. And when I've got a smokin' hot body again, let's just see if Tav's complaining then!

OH! Great news! My former boss at the restaurant where I used to work said I could come back to work next week! I'm really excited! (Notice all the "!") It's probably only going to be an extra $100 a week but getting out of the house and bringing home yummy food and having some spending money that's not coming out of the house-hold account is going to be great! YIPPPEEEEE!!!! Plus, I really loved waiting tables. I love to meet people that are out doing my same exact favorite past time...eating out. People are usually in a good mood when they're out to dinner so you rarely get grumpy, grumps. I do wish, though, that when people came to dinner with their little ones they would just automatically double their tip since their waitress is going to be on all fours picking up french fries and crayons (and other squishy things) when they leave.

Well, this has turned into a pretty freakin' random post. And it's not even Tuesday! It is, however, "Earl, Kath & Kim, The Office and Grey's Anatomy" day so yee-haw!!!

And the sun is out and it's supposed to be in the 50's today! (Zip it, DeNae!)

K, well, have a great Thursday! I love Thursday. It such a nice day to have right before the weekend. It's got a good "feel" to it.

Happy Birthday, Hayden!

2009-02-22T21:29:00.000-08:00

Hayden and Harley

Three Little Cousins:

Kanyon, Lincoln, Hayden

All 2 months apart starting with Lincoln

Our "backwards Oreo"

Ten years later

Hayden and Kanny

On Monday, February 22, 1999, I went to the doctor hoping she would induce me like she said she...might. "Um, no. You're not even dilated at all."

"Oh for the love of Pete. Are you kidding me?"

"Nope. Come back on Wednesday."

(Me: Stomps out of the office, grumpily.) (After I got dressed, of course.) (You're welcome for the visual.)

So that night I went to bed and woke up at 4:00 in the morning to pee. Went back to bed and...OK, these are probably details you don't want. What I'm getting at is that my water broke right when I got back in bed and I thought I had just peed myself. Which wouldn't be all that unlikely.

I woke up my (at the time) husband, Scott and told him my water broke. He flies out of bed and we proceed to panic and get ready to go. You see, we thought the baby was like a fish. That he couldn't live without water. And we had a 45 minute drive to LDS hospital in down town Salt Lake from our house in Tooele. So after I remind Scott that he should probably wait for me, and we call our mothers, we start the drive down the back road out of town. At 90 mph. Down a 45 mph road.

"Scott, it's going to take us longer if we get pulled over than if we just go the speed limit." He sands it down to 60.

We got to the hospital at 5:00 am. Our mothers got there at 5:15 am. Let me just back up a bit by saying that I had been having contractions for the last week. I could literally time them and several times a day they were like 5 minutes apart for a couple of hours at a time. Well now. Now that my water had broken, there were no contractions to be had. None. But since I had ruptured, they let me stay. My biggest fear was that they'd tell me to go home. So we wander the halls of the floor, trying to get some contractions going. Nothing. Have I mentioned that they won't let me eat? Ya, I'm STARVING.

Finally, at 2:00 pm a contraction! At that point I got the epidural. Hey, it's my belief that we owe it to the pioneers of medicine to get epidurals.

Me: "What's that? The baby is post...what? Oh, posterior. So I have to turn from one side to the other to get him to flip over? You realize I'm numb, right? That I have ZERO control of my limbs below the waist? Oh, OK, so Scott and my mom get to flop my legs over for me as I turn over. That should be fun for them."

Tick, tock. Tick, tock. Tick........tock.

Tick freaking TOCK.

7:00 pm rolls around. Scott and moms are hungry. (Oh, really? The hell, you say.) So they go eat dinner. I tell Scott to please hurry. Which he did. It was about 7 seconds after they all left that the epidural wore off and I was in some seriously hard freaking labor. (Are you keeping up? It's been 15 hours!!!) And it KILLED!!! Scott came back shortly and was able to alert the proper authorities and get me hooked back up with some drugs. Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh.....that's better.

8:30 pm. Guess what? It's time to push! YIPEEE!!! Let's get this party started!

"Mom, you get to hold my leg. Scott, you're on the other one. Lucky, lucky ducks!!!"

Push. Push. Push. For an hour.

Mom: "He's got hair! I can see his cute hair!!!"

"Am I even pushing in the right place?"

"Well, sometimes. Push like you're having a...y'know...(looks around, whispers)...bowel movement."

"Excuse me? What was that?" So I do. And they all start cheering, "YES AMBER!! THAT'S IT! PUSH RIGHT THERE!!!"

Absolutely not. Even worse than being sent home was (is) my fear of doing that on the delivery table. I don't care if it takes all freaking night to deliver this baby I'm so not pushing there.

I keep asking Scott, "did I poop? Did I? Now?"

Scott: "No, you're fine."

"You'll tell me if I poop, right?"

"You're not going to poop."

"But you'll tell me, right?"

"Yes, I'll tell you."

9:30 pm I feel the strangest sensation I'd ever felt in my life. I feel my baby "slither" out of me. I hadn't felt a thing up to then but I felt that. And then the next sensation that I felt was overwhelming. I NEEDED him. I needed him on me, now. NOW. You could have been standing there holding a million dollars in your hands, telling me I could have it if I just waited one minute to hold my baby and I'd have turned you down before you even got the whole sentence out. Give. Me. My. Baby.

Scott will tell you that the doctor tossed him up two feet in the air like a pizza and cleaned him all off. I didn't care if he was covered in gutty stuff. I needed him. Those four and a half seconds were the longest of my entire life.

And then she laid my beautiful baby boy on my chest. And I was complete. My heart opened up and he landed squarely in it. He was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. Oh, was he CUTE! And perfect!

The first thing I said when I saw him was, "shit, he's cute."

He was such a good baby. He slept through the night at two weeks of age. He had his dad wrapped around his little finger right from the word "go". He was always tall and skinny. His first words were "beat up". He'd wrestle with Scott, that's how he learned that phrase. One day, when he was almost 2 we were driving to Jill's to play with her and her baby boy who was born just two months after mine. I told him we were going to play with Kanny (Kanyon). He said, "Tanny, beat up?"

"Um, no, mister. You can't beat Kanny up."

He didn't put weight on his legs til he was a year. He "commando crawled" with lightning speed. He walked at 15 months. Scott and I would wonder out loud what we ever did for entertainment before he was born. We had so much fun with him. We could hum the tune to Indiana Jones, Darth Vader's theme song, Star Wars, and Superman and he'd tell you their respective titles. That time of my life was among the best I can remember. My mom didn't work. I spent the days with her and Jill and our babies. Being a mom suited me. I felt right at ease with it.

So today I honor my first born. The one that gave me my first experience with unconditional love. The one that still loves to snuggle up with me. The one that can put his legs behind his head or curl up into a tiny ball. My "human pretzel". He makes me laugh every day.

Today is your day, Hayden. I love you.

...when your post has been up for almost an hour before you realize you forgot to give it a title?

2009-02-20T12:41:00.001-08:00

OK, my sister did this meme after she read her blog buddy's post. So I thought I'd do it, too.
Don't You Hate it When...

...your baby has been napping for a good hour or two and you start to feel a little drowsy yourself so you close your eyes. And the second you do, your baby's eyes fly open?
...you let your dog out to potty because she refuses to use the freaking doggy door...
...and then you forget about her and you get all snuggled back in your blanket on the couch only to hear her yap at the door?
...every time you read your sister's blog you laugh your butt off so you say in the comments that this one was the funniest one ever and then...she writes another hilarious post and you want to say the same thing but you feel stupid because you're sure she's going to think, "OK, Amber, I get it. You think I'm funny. Come up with a new comment."?
...you're so short that you try to get into the back of a full-size Ford Bronco but you slip and fall face first into the back on the floor...
...and your sister-in-law, instead of helping you, stands in the driveway and pees herself laughing? (OK, actually this one would have to go on my brother's ex-wife's list. As I would be the driveway-standing, pant-peeing, sister-in-law.)
...when you're six months pregnant you go shopping with two of your sisters and one of them trips over the curb and lets out the most hilarious scream and it cracks you up so bad...
...and there's a fountain right next to you...
...and despite your very best scissor-stance, you proceed to pee yourself in front of everyone in the Tai Pan parking lot...
...and when you finally get in control of yourself, which is EXTREMELY hard because your sister (the tripper) is now laughing so hard that SHE'S about to pee herself, which cracks you up even more, you go inside to finish emptying your bladder (all three drops that weren't in your undies) and the restroom is in the back of the store...
...and your sister (tripper) is following you because she needs to go now, too, but she can't stop laughing and you're trying not to sound bitchy when you say, "dude, for real. You have to stop laughing and you have to stop following me because I'm seriously going to pee the rest of myself"...
...and then these two sisters refuse to go back to the place you're staying so you can get change your pants...
...so you're forced to walk around Tai Pan in your dirty pee pants, all while getting more and more chaffed?
...you stand up and your niece says, "Aunt Amber, you've got a big butt."...
...and your sister says, "LONDON!!!!! You can't say that to people!"...
...and your niece (who was, like, 4 at the time) says, "what? I love her big butt. I...I love her butt!"
...your husband single-handedly keep McDonald's in business and then gives you crap for spending $4 on a chai tea at Starbucks?
...you sign up for the HCG diet and when they tell you that you have to binge for three days before you start the injections and the 500 calorie a day diet you practically giggle out loud because you're so excited to just eat and eat and eat? (Which is pretty much why you're in the predicament in the first place.)
...you're watching The Biggest Loser and the gal goes up there to weigh in and you think to yourself, "how is it possible that this person has been at the ranch for so long and has lost so much weight and is still HUGE??? And then she gets on the scale and she weighs less than you? And now you're thinking, "she better be four feet tall."
...you spend weeks mocking the Snuggie and now you want one...
...and your husband says under no uncertain terms will anyone in this house EVER have a Snuggie because they're the most ridiculous things ever (which they are)?
...you've always known your baby is especially brilliant but the fact that he's learned to throw his head back and bat his spoon and shake his head when he's done eating kind of makes you wish he wasn't so dang smart? (Is it me or is 9 mos a little young for him to be pulling such stunts?)
...you want to record too many shows on your DVR and it tells you that you can't record that many shows as if it's saying to you, "dude, there's NO WAY anyone could watch that much TV in a day"?
...no one but you knows how to operate the HOV lane?
...people speak to their children for the "entertainment" of the grown-ups around them?

So ya, I could go on for days. Make sure you go read the other two posts I mentioned. I literally laughed my butt OFF when I read my sister's. (It grew right back.)

Check Me Out!

2009-02-19T12:49:00.000-08:00

Hey guess what? I'm guest posting over at justorganizeyourself.blogspot.com
I'm posting this from my phone so I'm not able to link it. Sorry, you're going to have to actually copy & paste.
This gal has a lot of good tips on getting organized. I definitely need her help!
Enjoy!

Wordless Wednesday

2009-02-18T06:59:00.000-08:00

Harley playing in his exersaucer.

Harley playing "in" his exersaucer.